If you have not discussed these topics yet, start right now, do not miss the chance to diversify your intimate life.
Let’s be honest: many of us don’t know how to talk about sex at all. Even if the process itself brings pleasure, frank talk about it causes discomfort. But without open communication, we cannot establish a closer bond in a couple and miss the chance to improve our sex life. It doesn’t matter if you’ve been together for a long time, so it seems like you already know everything about your partner, or just met and are still studying each other, these questions will be a good basis for discussing intimate moments.
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- What was your best erotic dream?
This is a great way to start a fantasy conversation. Of course, not everything that happens in a dream can actually be brought to life. But such a topic helps partners to be creative and practice saying “dirty” words.
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- What do erotic dreams mean
- What turns you on and what turns you off?
This should be asked every time before having sex with someone new. Nobody can read minds . Both you and your partner will be much calmer and more comfortable if you discuss your preferences in advance. Not to mention, the sex itself will give both of you a lot more pleasure.
Even if you have a regular partner and have raised this topic in the past, the question of what you like and don’t like to do in bed is better to repeat periodically. Our sexuality is constantly evolving. What turns us on now is not necessarily the same as what turned us on last year or 10 years ago. When we regularly discuss our wants and needs, it helps to avoid the routine and diversify the process.
- What non-sex related things turn you on?
By asking such a question, you can get an unexpected answer about what attracts and excites your partner. Arousal is not always associated with the desire to have sex. It may be a need to feel close, intimate, relax, have fun, or feel sexual. By talking about this topic, you will understand how to increase the energy of flirting, which does not necessarily lead to sex, but strengthens relationships.
- What do you think about while masturbating?
Telling a partner about what he does alone with himself will give you more information about his sexuality. You can ask what he imagines at this moment, what method helps him turn on, where he touches himself and whether he uses toys . This will help you learn more about your partner’s desires and enrich your joint sexual experience.
Talking about this topic should come out of curiosity, not out of a feeling that you are obligated to implement the scenarios you hear about. Focus on the source of your partner’s fantasy and ask for details. Let’s say he imagines being spanked. In what way? Are there sex toys in this fantasy? Is this an easy game for him, or a tougher BDSM practice?
Getting to know your partner’s erotic imagination will give you information about what actions, sensations, conversations and atmosphere turn him on. You may even find something interesting for yourself or enjoy discussing other people’s fantasies.
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- 18 Masturbation Techniques for Women and Men
- What kind of porn do you watch?
For example, videos of threesomes , anal penetration, or couples swapping partners. Maybe you’ll watch something together or find out what role-playing games you both would like to try.
It is important to remember that sometimes we enjoy porn scripts only as fantasies in our heads, and we have no desire to repeat them in reality. Therefore, before proceeding to actions, you need to ask your partner if he wants this.
If your partner doesn’t watch porn, you might ask what erotic scenes from movies or books he likes. Suppose he is attracted to the idea of enemy lovers. Agree to use it for role-playing, when you exchange barbs all day, and end it with rough sex in the middle of another ” scandal “.
- What scene makes you turn off porn immediately?
The answer to the question of what exactly will force your partner to instantly stop the video or close the erotic affair will give you valuable information not only about preferences, but also about his personal boundaries. We often ask about what our partners like, but it is equally important to know what they absolutely do not like. At least to never do it again.
- What is the riskiest place you would like to have sex?
If you have been in a relationship for a long time, most likely you are well versed in each other’s erotic preferences. But it never hurts to bring something new to sex. You do not have to act out the adventurous scenarios that you will be discussing. The main thing is to find out why they attract a partner. You may find similar interests that are worth adding to the general list of sexual desires.
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- What you need to know before having sex in a public place
- What do you like to do after sex?
Perhaps the partner has a favorite ritual: to have a snack, lie down in an embrace or chat. Everyone has different preferences, so this issue must be discussed. When something unpleasant happens after sex, it crosses out everything that happened before.
Try to find out as many details as possible. For example, if your partner wants to cuddle, ask in what position, for how long, and what factors may affect his desire.
- What is bothering you right now?
Sincerely talking about weaknesses and the reasons that make a partner anxious helps build trust not only in the bedroom, but also outside it.
Often anxiety stems from people being ashamed of their body, worrying about not being able to orgasm or getting it too fast , worrying about not being good enough at sex, or not knowing what to talk about in bed.
Candid communication evokes empathy. This allows you to stay in the moment during sex and gives your partner the opportunity to support you, help you feel more confident. When we have sex, we may have all sorts of thoughts: what if I look bad; suddenly I scream so loudly that the neighbors can hear; all of a sudden I’m doing something wrong. Sometimes there are even thoughts about problems at work. Honest dialogue will bring calm and give a respite from worries.
- Have you had a traumatic experience in your life that could affect our sex?
Many people experience some form of sexual abuse , and your partner may be one of them. Once you establish trust in the relationship, carefully question your partner about the past. If he is willing to discuss, find out about specific triggers or situations that make him uncomfortable, and most importantly, how best to support him in intimate moments.
The purpose of such a conversation is to gather enough information so that you both feel calm and confident, and not to heal the partner’s injury. This is a very slow and complex process. You can only encourage his desire to see a specialist.
If your partner opens up to you, be patient and listen carefully without interrupting. In no case do not insist if the partner does not want to discuss a painful topic or go into details. Your task is to support, not injure him even more.
- What role does sex play in our relationships?
It is important to understand how important each of you attaches to sex and what function it performs. Some see sex as the glue that holds romantic relationships together and are willing to have it every day or every other day. Others, on the contrary, calmly do without sex and feel greater intimacy with a partner when they talk heart to heart.
- Can we discuss our STI tests?
This is the best way to phrase the sensitive issue of sexually transmitted infections . No need to ask: “Are you sick of anything?” or “Are you all clean there?”. This is an extremely important conversation, which provides an opportunity not only to share personal experiences, but also to maintain your sexual health.
- What erogenous zones on your body do I not yet know about?
Genitals, breasts, nipples and buttocks are the most obvious and often win-win options. But they also include the neck, ears, wrists, inner thighs, and lower back. But you will never know about all of your partner’s erogenous zones unless you ask. He studies his body all his life, because he knows such sensitive places that you would not even think to pay attention to. And if not, conduct an experiment and look for the partner’s erogenous zones together – this will diversify sex perfectly.
