Suppressing feelings is not worth it – this can lead to serious health problems.How often, when you felt irritated, angry, sad, or anxious, were you told, “Come on, smile!”, “Come on,” or “You overreact, focus on the positive”? I’ve heard this quite often. This is not the most pleasant thing, especially when you are consumed by emotions. Our acquaintances hardly want to offend us, but such phrases make us feel as if our emotional state is being ignored, and no one understands ourselves. And this only intensifies the experience.
Why strong emotions can’t be ignored
Oddly enough, but we ourselves are doing the same. We do everything we can to devalue our emotions: push away, ignore, suppress them, or squeeze an artificial positive out of ourselves.
Research by scientists from the Harvard School of Public Health and the University of Rochester showedthat suppressing emotions increases the risk of premature death from any cause by 30%, and also raises the risk of cancer by 70%. In psychology, the concept of toxic positivity even appeared , behind which is the requirement to always maintain a good mood and avoid any strong negative emotions.
However, in this matter, it is important to strike a balance. Getting stuck in complex emotions without properly working them out can drag you even deeper. Sadness can turn into despondency, then into anxiety, and then into depression. When you feel that emotions are overwhelming you, try asking yourself a few questions.
What questions help to take control of emotions
I propose a simple five-question strategy to help you deal with your emotions without compromising your mental health.
1. What is this emotion?
Imagine that emotions are guests. You are unlikely to kick them out the door, but you also do not allow them to behave disrespectfully in your home. It’s the same with emotions: you need to “listen” to them, spend time with them, and then let go.
The question “What emotion is this?” helps to separate oneself a little from the experience. He reminds you that unpleasant feelings are only a part of you, they do not say anything about you as a person. In addition, with the help of this question, you will understand exactly what you are experiencing. For example, “Yeah, it seems to be angry” or “Well, hello, impatience, you’re here again.”
Research by scientists at the University of California confirmedthat when we call our emotions with certain words, it has a therapeutic effect on our brain.
2. Why did this emotion appear?
All our emotions have meaning and say something about ourselves. Most of the unpleasant experiences are associated with the primitive system of reaction to threats, which we inherited from our ancestors.
For example, when someone cuts you off on the road and you get angry , this system tries to protect you by giving the body a fight-or-flight signal. This was the choice the ancient people had when they stumbled upon a tiger. This mechanism, which is designed to protect a person from dangers, is periodically included in modern life.
I try to take these emotional cues as helpful information. For example, when I can’t sleep at midnight, worrying about something that I can’t change anyway, I thank my primitive system. She’s just trying to protect me. It is my responsibility to calm down and determine where these signals come from and what to do with them.
3. What happens to the body?
Try to be curious about how you feel. Be attentive to your other reactions as well. For example, despair often makes us literally shrink, breathing becomes confused, and the jaw clenches – this body signals that it needs attention. Try relaxing your muscles, taking a deep breath, and placing your hand on your heart to let your body know that you have noticed these changes.
It often helps to simply ask oneself the question “What does this emotion need right now?” Maybe your despair needs you to understand and accept the fact that you are struggling right now and remind yourself that you can handle everything anyway. And your anger just wants you to agree that it hurts. Do not push away these manifestations – listen to them.
4. Where can this emotion live?
I often imagine wide and capacious containers – the kind that can accommodate all my complex emotions. I would have a container of care for my sadness, a container of courage for my fear, and a container of acceptance for my complexes.
When I invite my emotions to “settle” in such large spaces, it helps me feel relieved. This reminds me that I have other qualities that I can use to improve my well-being.
5. When is it time to take action?
This question should be asked to yourself only after you have gone through the other four stages, otherwise it will lose its meaning. After you pay attention to your emotions, it is important to determine what actions will be beneficial for them.
Sometimes, when I feel a little irritable , I decide to let it go and turn my attention to something more pleasant. And if I am seriously offended by another person, after I calm down, I can decide to talk to him about this situation. Determine what action you want to take in response to your emotions. This will help complete the process of working them out.
A five-question strategy will not save you from negative feelings. But it will help you do something much more – learn to work with them and not be afraid of them.