Any parent dreams of seeing their child happy and successful. And often parents are co-authors of our fate, as if the scriptwriters of our life.
Naturally, parents do not do this on purpose, they are guided by the best intentions. They cannot do otherwise, they do not know. Wishing their child only the best, that good life, which they may not have, they unconsciously “give” children the wrong attitudes. And also attempts to realize unfulfilled dreams in your child. But we forget that each person has their own tasks, their own way!
Parental attitudes are influenced by the social and economic status of parents, family values and the important role of satisfaction with one’s own marriage and life.
Without attaching importance to words, in ordinary phrases we give our child attitudes that are not always positive.
How often have you heard?
– “My eyes would not see you”
– “Why do I need all this?”
– “I don’t need such a child!”
– “What do you write like a chicken with a paw?”
– “You are a slob”
– “You always have everything through one place”
“Are you stupid? How can this be incomprehensible? ”
– “Woe you are mine”
– “You are deaf? Can’t you hear that I’m calling you ”
The list goes on and on, parental reproaches sometimes know no bounds.
I think, although I really want to be wrong, many parents now recognize themselves in these statements.
With age, you begin to wonder where your own desires are, and where are those imposed by your family in childhood.
And then you wonder who I am?
From childhood, I have two attitudes: “You need to get married successfully.” But what is hidden under this phrase, how to interpret it for yourself? For someone it will be good luck to meet a wealthy, successful man with his own home, but for someone, as they say, they look in one direction and the souls sang in unison. Over the course of my life, I like the second option better. And the second: “Get a higher education.” What, exactly IN? Not a profession that can be useful to you in life, what is the emphasis on? And then the famous phrase from the movie “Intergirl” immediately pops up in my head:
– Kisul, and I want to ask you: does your Institute of Culture help you in bed with a parterre? Well, actually, is this how you end up putting him in bed for convenience?
And then one day …
– Who you are?
One person asked me.
I didn’t immediately understand what he meant, but the question became fatal for me, a turning point or something. I was covered, as they say, not childishly. And really, who am I? Sounds strange, right ?!
As early as adolescence, we begin to wonder: Who am I? What am I? What I can?
I am a mother, a wife … but this answer was not exhaustive for me.
How do you know what you want? How to find strength and confidence in yourself? How to believe that you can do more than wash diapers, stand by the stove and “get married successfully”.
My unconscious did not give me rest, I felt that I was not living my life, that mine was somewhere nearby. But where?
Honestly, my path was long and painful until I realized who I am, what I want, who I am now and who I really want to be. It was hard to believe in my own strength. I looked for myself, tried, was disappointed. More than once I gave up, fell into a deep depression, with all the ensuing consequences. And all over again. She pulled herself out, forced her to act, step by step, little by little …
We search, choose, and whatever we choose, we choose our destiny, but this is our choice !!!
If parental settings are causing you problems, then you don’t need them!
How do I get rid of unnecessary installations?
Of course, you don’t need to resent your parents and blame them for ruining your life. Believe me, they didn’t want that.
The first thing you should do is take responsibility for your life. After all, no one except ourselves can change our life, neither mother, nor father, nor relatives, nor friends.
We must solve our problems ourselves. When we learn not to blame others for our problems, we will find a way to solve them.
After all, our parents can teach us only what they can do. They cannot convey experiences that they do not have. They themselves were deprived of what they did not give you. If a father hits his child, then most likely his father treated him the same way; if a mother is cold to her baby, this is all because she was disliked in childhood and was not taught to love for real. If the parents do not take into account the opinion of the child, then this is how they treated him in his childhood. There are reasons for everything.
The only way to free yourself from resentment is to forgive and accept that it could not be otherwise.
One great technique that can help you deal with grievances is therapy writing.
This is when you, on a piece of paper, write all your claims, grievances, everything that you did not dare to say, but that torments you inside. Write everything that has accumulated, all the unspoken words. Of course, there is no need to send such letters anywhere, you can simply burn, tear. You can write until it becomes easier for you, until you run out of all the words. You should feel for yourself when it’s enough to write. Such letters can be written to anyone, mom, dad, friends, brothers and sisters, husband, everyone who once offended you.
When you put all your negative feelings on paper, you will realize the root of the problem, perhaps look at it from the other side, or maybe even find positive sides in it and take something useful from this story.
To get rid of parental attitudes, you need to be very conscious, observant of yourself, and as persistent and persistent as possible in the chosen path. After all, it is not enough to “know”, you also need to “do”. And only actions bring results!
I’m already looking forward to how many will now think – it’s easy to say! I understand you, it is, of course, not just changing your attitude towards life, towards people, towards yourself. But the best way to change your life is to change your thoughts, words and deeds every day.
