A word widely used in recent years is “resilience”. Basically it is the ability to overcome painful and traumatic situations.
It is a kind of forced change and that we thought was taken for granted in our lives.
Something like overcoming the death of someone close, unemployment, accumulating debts.
All of these circumstances make us look inside ourselves and find the sources that really keep us going, to keep us from giving in to the storm.
Look, a resilient attitude makes us reverse the tragedy and move on in our lives, leaving behind what we never thought we would be able to overcome.
However, did you know that the habit of being resilient can also play a key role in a relationship and improve the couple’s life?
Want to know how? Read this text to the end.
We will cover the following topics:
- What is resilience?
- Relationship resilience
- How can the habit of being resilient improve your relationship?
- Habits of resilient couples
- Tips for developing a habit of being resilient (which can help in the relationship)
- Some factors to develop the habit of being resilient
- Resilience to be together
Being resilient: what is resilience?
The American Psychological Association defines “resilience” as the process of adapting to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress – such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or financial and workplace stressors.
Ultimately, it is a person’s ability to deal with their own problems, overcome obstacles and not give in to pressure, whatever the situation.
That is, being resilient does not mean that a person does not suffer difficulties; instead, when stress happens, a person is able to overcome it through positive thinking and the support of a network.
Yes it’s true! The term was borrowed from physics, which describes the quality of a material to return to its original shape after pressure is applied. And look, this is a great quality for us too!
Just as a spring can return to its compacted shape after being stretched, we can adapt and find stability after a highly difficult experience.
In fact, there are many traumatic events for a person who creates significant imbalances in his life.
In this way, resilience plays a very important role in our personal development and is very useful in facing life’s adversities, allowing us to move forward despite them.
Being resilient: resilience in the relationship
Certainly, resilience brings very good results on a personal level, but how to use it in your relationship?
Inevitably, when a difficult event occurs with the couple, a lot of instability is created.
In this way, resilience helps to balance the relationship after a major conflict.
Problems cause a lot of stress, which prevents the proper organization of ideas, which leads to distance, apathy, etc.
Thus, learning to manage these feelings is the first step towards working with resilience and stabilizing the bond that unites them.
In fact, in terrible times , it is when the relationship between two people is tested.
Getting out of these situations together will be an experience that, in the long run, will make the relationship stronger.
Being resilient: how can being a resilient habit improve your relationship?
All couples experience conflict .
In addition, couples who do not develop the ability to repair differences can get involved in long fights, hours or even days of silence, bitter resentment and even lead to termination .
Look, this can cause more damage to the relationship than the conflict itself!
Namely, resilient couples feel good about the relationship.
They trust that they can face difficult times and that a conflict can lead to a deeper understanding of each other.
In addition, they feel positive enough to be able to put aside the little things.
Being resilient: habits of resilient couples
One thing that often separates the strongest and weakest couples is resilience, see?
Check out some habits that the most resilient couples have in common:
1. They don’t blame themselves
First, it’s easy for partners to blame themselves when a relationship hits a low point, isn’t it?
But blaming almost always results in counter-blame, which leads to nowhere!
On the other hand, resilient couples look to the heart of the matter when things are not going well and ask themselves, ‘What could I have done differently in this situation?’ or ‘What can I do now to make amends?’
Instead of waiting for the other person to extend an olive branch or change their behavior . Resilient spouses are proactive in terms of getting things back on track.
Moving on is more important than being right!
2. They can find humor in difficult situations
Daily pressures and responsibilities related to finances, parenting and demands in the workplace sometimes lead to conflicts and tensions.
Therefore, a hallmark of a resilient relationship is a willingness to laugh or use humor to interrupt unproductive communications.
3. They ask for help when they need it
Every relationship has challenging times and is sometimes too much to handle on your own.
Therefore, it takes courage to ask for help, especially for men.
Okay, it often makes you want to get guidance and support from an experienced professional – which is not bad – but the important thing here is also the conversation and the request for help.
They are not afraid to be vulnerable
Resilient couples share their emotions without fear of expressing vulnerability.
They trust each other about fears and hopes and respond with compassion to their revelations.
Particularly, when experiencing stressful events, couples need to speak openly and support each other
5. They don’t expect their partners to read their minds
Resilience couples use words!
That is, they ask an extra question to clarify what the partner is saying instead of making assumptions.
Many hurt arguments and feelings are the result of misunderstandings or misunderstood words.
For example, a “I’m sorry, I don’t think I understand, could you clarify this for me?” Can help to avoid hurt feelings and useless fights.
6. They have a genuine desire to move on
Difficulties can bring out the worst of the partners.
That is, certain challenges can cause couples to get stuck in pain, preventing the relationship from moving forward.
For example, some partners keep a mental list of all the times they are hurt by the loved one.
Then, in the midst of a difficult time, they recite not only the current pain, but all the past hurts that have accumulated.
For sure, resilient couples are able to focus their energy on ways to move forward with their relationship instead of looking back.
Being resilient: tips for developing a habit of being resilient (which can help in the relationship)
1) Disconnect from your ego
Above all, be willing to put aside the need to be right, to win.
When we separate from the ego, we become aware.
When we are aware and practice empathy, we decrease anger and invite our partner to consciously connect with us.
2) Change the perspective
Take a step back and see the scenario from a larger perspective.
The current problem is just a small detail in time, which is part of a much larger context.
Sometimes you are hurt and angry at each other, but you realize that the current issue is a small one alongside a lifetime of positive experiences, a family and a future together.
We are certainly not talking about serious facts, such as betrayal or domestic violence , but minor issues.
3) See the good parts
All relationships have problems, see? All people have flaws.
We are human beings and have human relationships.
No one is perfect, and there is no perfect relationship.
In view of this, if we focus our attention on everything that our relationship is not and how our partner falls short of our desire, we will be unhappy.
Practice gratitude and focus your attention on what you appreciate about your partner and value your relationship. Also notice how it will become more positive!
Be willing to laugh at yourself
We can all be in a good mood, as well as be ridiculous. Especially in our loving relationships.
There are times when you will act like a 5 year old child instead of an adult – and this is normal.
There are times when you will laugh at yourself, and that’s great!
Look, laughter can release tension and invite connection in your relationship.
5) Stay sexually connected with your partner
When two people are in a good sexual relationship, they face the obstacles in the relationship more easily because the intimate bond exists!
In fact, the power of the sexual bond can strengthen the relationship!
6) Practice forgiveness
Extend to your partner the compassion and forgiveness you want him to extend to you.
So put aside the issues of the past and let them rest.
So, instead of clinging to resentments, choose to be consciously connected in the present moment.
Being resilient: some factors to develop the habit of being resilient
To develop resilience in your relationship, you must keep the following factors in mind:
- Motivation: having motivation, on the part of both, to advance in an adverse situation. This factor is the basis for action;
- Adaptation: finding a beneficial way of adapting for both of you, with new skills, new behaviors, new ideas and expectations that allow you to bring stability back to the relationship;
- Patience: Significant changes don’t happen overnight, especially if you both went through a very difficult event. Keep in mind that being patient is different from doing nothing. It is not necessary to allow the problem to remain stagnant or unattended for a long time, as this will make things worse between the two;
- Outside the comfort zone: resilience takes us beyond what is comfortable. On many occasions, being in the comfort zone helps us to avoid conflicts, without resolving it, without movement, without growth and, obviously, without improving the situation;
- Appreciating individual differences: differences between couples are not always a negative thing. Understanding them will help the two people to complement each other and recognize that they need each other’s support.
Being resilient: resilience to be together
For most, the concept of having a partner to accompany us through the good and bad times is great.
Therefore, the habit of being resilient will allow you to take care of your relationship and be with a special person through adversity.
There will inevitably be some difficulties along the way – which can seem like a major setback.
However, with effort and practice you will be able to achieve your goals together!
Did you like to know a little more about resilience and how this habit can help you improve your relationship even more? Always follow the MBR blog and check out other articles on relationships, self-esteem and sex!