What could be more beautiful, exciting, more intimate than a sincere declaration of love?
Do you remember this magical fluttering of butterflies in your stomach, contemplation of a mole on the lobe of a loved one, or deep gratitude for support in a difficult moment for you? And you, for sure, remember that saying the cherished three words, you also admit that now you are vulnerable to this person. From now on, your heart is open to happiness and to the pain that can be caused to you. But the years pass, and the magic of the miraculous confession “I love you” loses its power, hiding behind a series of everyday life events.
We throw in such a frank, tender, mysterious phrase “I love you” with or without reason, as something understandable, ordinary and no longer feel the thrill that we put into these words before. Sometimes we feel nothing at all, confessing love automatically, without even noticing it.
Once, I decided to conduct a special experiment and, of course, chose our relationship with my husband. We agreed that within a month we will make confessions to each other when we really feel the desire and we will express it in any words, but not with the phrase “I love you”. We also agreed that if one of us at the moment has no desire to respond with tenderness to tenderness, we decided to answer: “I am really pleased to hear that.” A month later, there was a real renaissance in our relationship, and this is how it happened:
Every time when I felt safe, cozy and warm next to my husband and already used the familiar and understandable “I love you”, I said: “I am now so comfortable and calm next to you.” When I felt joy for pleasant gifts and surprises, I said: “I am so pleased! I feel very beautiful and desirable when I receive gifts from you. ” Every time I wanted to say “I love you,” I stopped and examined my state, asking myself the question: “What exactly do I feel now?”, And often the answer came: “Tenderness, gratitude, calmness, strength”. And all this I honestly said: “I am grateful to you. How good I feel in your arms. I feel stronger because you support me. ”
How many wonderful, amazing and extremely important feelings we hide behind one phrase “I love you”. How many shades of love we lose, we lose contact with ourselves and with what we feel. How many important words we forget to say to each other, and then we cannot figure out how we relate to our partner, and how much he actually gives us. By replacing a huge range of diverse, truly rich feelings with one phrase, we make ourselves and our relationships ordinary, gray and unremarkable.
And my husband, after this experiment, began to advise all his friends to go through it and admitted that he had never felt so significant, needed, grateful, courageous and rich from the inside.
Having removed for a while from my life the generalizing “I love you”, it turned out that it is not immediately clear what we feel and with what words we want to express it. But most importantly, this experiment showed how much a loved one can give and how much we do not notice.
Treat confessions with due respect and awe. And you will see how many important, bright feelings you experience, learn to notice and understand why you are with this particular person, and how important it is to hear what exactly makes you happy in these relationships.
