There are countless reasons that lead couples to fight, but experts have highlighted 5 very common ones:
- Lack of interest in working to improve the relationship
Unfortunately, the modern culture of “Did it spoil? Buy new! ” has been widely applied to marital relationships. People are opting for the quickest method of getting rid of problems (point 5 explains a little why they do this). Although they initially cannot see, it is much more laborious and costly to replace the old spouse with his old problems with a new partner with hidden problems.
- Try to modify the partner
It is common to find people who fully trust their power of influence and are convinced that pressure, in the right dose, will be enough to shape their spouse until it becomes the object of their desire.
This can be very dangerous for at least two reasons:
- The spouse will feel hurt because he realizes that he is not accepted the way he is. If he doesn’t give in to the pressure to change, the discussions will be endless and could result in dissatisfaction and frustration on both sides – a perfect scenario for divorce.
- If it changes, it may just be something external, not a real change. And if you change, in fact, who guarantees that you will not change your preferences in relation to the relationship? It is not uncommon for an “improved” person to feel that he “deserves more” and to leave the relationship.
Pressing for a change to occur is quite different from persuading your loved one to extract the best from them. All couples must strive to be a positive influence on each other’s lives.
- Imitating parental standards
Several studies conclude that children tend to imitate the example of their parents in several aspects, including how to deal with marital conflicts. So, if the children saw their parents screaming and fighting with each other instead of solving problems peacefully, it is quite likely that this is how they will face problems in their own marriage.
This is one of the reasons why children of divorced parents are more likely to divorce as well.
- Intolerance for differences
I am not referring to serious matters, such as behavioral deviations ( pathological or not) or even a lifestyle totally opposite to ours (these are things that it is practically impossible to live without, at the very least, stressing). I talk about the person’s unique characteristics, tastes and opinions. Many do not tolerate these differences that make us unique, even more than someone with whom they are married. This intolerance leads to fights easily.
The point is that everyone, at some point, will say or do something that we will disagree with. As long as a person is not prepared to accept these differences, he will not be able to live a life together.
- Immediate
Humanity has never been more immediate than it is today. The Internet takes us in seconds to any part of the world, solves most of our doubts at the same speed. Companies set increasingly tight deadlines. And we think the same can apply to our relationship. Only not!
The great truth is that relationships take time to build. You have to keep this in mind and exercise a lot of patience, otherwise neither this nor any other relationship will succeed.
About this, the couple therapist Andréa Seixas Magalhães, from PUC-RJ, told Super Interesting: “Any human relationship is something that evolves day by day, at its own pace, which has nothing to do with the demands of the capitalist world. , where something always has to be produced ”.
There are 5 attitudes that have everything to take the couple to the most feared destination: divorce. Therefore, for the relationship to last, the couple does not NEVER NEED to escape from conflicts. “Often, the conflict is legitimate, and removing it would be bad policy,” says the therapist. The specialists guarantee that it is possible to discuss civilly, without aggression and offense, focusing only on what was raised for discussion.
