The news has been cruel about social distancing: many relationships have been dismantled by the constant coexistence in countries like China and the United States, where the divorce numbers increased significantly, according to the newspaper “The Global Times”.
In Brazil, the perspective is not very different. According to Pâmela Magalhães , family therapist, “in the confinement period, couples are forced to look at each other, families need to get in touch , recognize their dynamics and the systemic mechanism”.
Without the means to be distracted, without the routine imposed by work and without the possibility of leaving the scene, even with the excuse of buying something, or going out for a soccer game with friends or to the corner bar, the conflict situation that may arise has to be faced . Unfortunately, domestic violence is often seen.
Although there is no lack of interaction or dialogue between the couple, aggressive, abusive personalities that already exist in one (or both) spouses can come to the fore or intensify in times of stress.
Some factors that can create a tense atmosphere at home
1 The anxiety generated by the coronavirus threat
The fear that surrounds most people, both of losing their own lives and those they love, fear of financial difficulties or of needing emergency medical care and not being able to.
2 Difficulty in “venting” tension
Going out for a run, swimming, dancing or playing ball has become something far from everyday reality.
3 Deepening the routine
Every day, practically the same things are done with no chance of changing the routine or diversifying activities.
4 The obligation to face the “ghosts” of the closet
It is no longer possible to “escape” from the famous DR and the relationship ends up having to be discussed, the problems that already bothered the couple come to the surface. You have more time to discuss and understand the edges of the relationship.
5 Other factors
In addition to those mentioned above, there are social, financial and psychological issues that may be collapsing, such as extreme poverty, lack of money and or bankruptcy, mental illness and disorders of all kinds that, in common times, would be tolerated, but that in the times of crisis that we live are exacerbated even more.
Is there a way to make things smoother?
It is difficult to give ready-made formulas to face the personal, family and marital crises that the pandemic has brought. It was difficult before, imagine now. However, every bad situation in life can be resolved or mitigated if there is cooperation and goodwill from all parties involved. It is not something you can do alone. However, some tips can be given and read by both.
1 Abuse never
There is no discussion about this. There are no justifications for abusive behavior at any time. If one of the spouses is abusive, that behavior must stop immediately. Do not accept physical, sexual or psychological abuse. This is a crime that must be reported to the competent authorities in order for the abuser to be removed from the family environment.
If periods of fighting, disagreements and impatience were already occurring in the relationship, the tendency is to get worse, according to psychologist Natália Vargas Filomeno . For the professional, this is not the best time to decide on the discontinuation of the relationship , as it would add more stress to a moment that is already anxiety. She advises to observe and try to connect through dialogue and new agreements.
Read: 5 tips to improve your marriage now (the 4th you didn’t imagine)
3 Seeking to alleviate stress
Newspapers and news on TV and the Internet are constantly broadcasting the death tolls, the blackest pictures of the pandemic, their future projections, and this bombardment of information can add more stress to everyday life. Being aware of what is happening is advisable, but if it is flooded with images of bodies piled up or on the streets, it is contraindicated. In addition, there are families grouped in small spaces or those that deal with a chronic sick person. We all have our challenges and in those moments, what can be done is to seek an understanding , dialogue, goals and relay in the housework, shower wheels and others and in caring for the sick loved one, since they are all at home.
4 E x erecting self-control
We slip into lower ground when we “explode” and take out our frustrations on the other when we realize that our world seems to be falling apart. At this time, selfishness is even more contraindicated than at any other time. We must be ready to control ourselves, to care for others without complaint, to give more of ourselves even to those we love. Husband and wife are responsible for what is done at home, for ready meals, for cleaning and caring for children , and everyone is responsible for taking care of the home and making it an even more pleasant environment. A refuge in difficult times .
5 Have hope
This is a moment that will pass and pass positively for those who stay indoors, even though the financial situation is an obstacle to be faced. After all, it is better to lose a business, bankrupt a company than to lose a loved one or your own life . If the couple has in mind that soon everything will be over, this feeling of hope can be an encouragement to help to endure the current difficulties and even strengthen the relationship.