Some people sabotage their relationships without realizing it . They notice that their romances will not last, even if they are very promising in the beginning. They may not have noticed that they themselves are the ones avoiding being happy. Such self-sabotage can subtly damage a relationship to the point of destroying it completely.
And I know what I’m talking about, because I once belonged to these people. I myself was afraid of love. I was afraid to fall in love again because I was afraid of being hurt again. I subconsciously concluded that love is dangerous and causes pain. Today it is different. I am myself, happy, satisfied in my relationship with Lenka, with whom we are building our empire together and we support each other and share the joys and worries of life together.
Don’t forget to read until the end, because you will learn how we subconsciously sabotage our relationships and destroy our lives .
WHY MOST UNKNOWINGLY SABOTAGE THEIR RELATIONSHIPS (SELF-SABOTAGE)
Some people sabotage their relationships and don’t understand why . In fact, sometimes they don’t even realize they’ve done it. They blame their failures in love on chance, the other person, or any external circumstance, not realizing that they are the ones in charge of putting obstacles and problems in order for love to flourish and harmony to be maintained.
Why would anyone want to destroy their own happiness? Some people sabotage their relationships because they choose to protect themselves from love . Thus ended the study led by Dr. Raquel Peel and published in the Journal of Couple and Relationship Therapy.
All human beings need to form intimate bonds with other people, but we also protect ourselves when we anticipate emotional pain . If someone believes that love is dangerous, they may build up protective walls—behaviors that ultimately sabotage their relationships. Now let’s see how exactly they do it?
1. DEFENSIVE ATTITUDE BASED ON COUNTERATTACK AND SELF-SABOTAGE
Some people sabotage their relationships by being defensive . They usually carry unresolved trauma or conflict, sometimes from past relationships and experiences – such as heartbreak , infidelity , a painful breakup , and sometimes from childhood conflicts from their parents. They don’t want to go through the emotional pain again, but at the same time they want to taste the happiness that love gives. Their heart is closed, full of fear and inner emotional pain that prevents them from proclaiming love, joy and happiness. Unfortunately, this causes problems where they cannot and cannot build, create healthy relationships and cannot maintain these relationships at all. Their relationships become toxic and are doomed.
This contradiction and self-sabotage creates a complex situation. They start a relationship as a couple and give everything to make it work. They panic at any criticism or expression of distance from their partner. Their inner fear, insecurity and emotional pain cause problems – jealousy , frequent fights in the relationship , pressure, manipulation, blackmail and much more. Also, if a problem arises that disrupts the harmony, they overreact and immediately counterattack, which serves as a defense mechanism.
As a result, it is common for them to respond by placing a thick mantle . They move away from their partner and start attacking him. It is about fear, which translates into aggression and serves as an attack and a means of defense. In this case, it is likely that the relationship will continue to deteriorate until it is completely destroyed. You can prevent this by signing up for our online self-love journey program , which will help you heal the wounds of your soul and open your heart again.
2. MISTRUST AS A FACTOR THAT SABOTAGES RELATIONSHIPS
Sometimes people have a very negative opinion of themselves, but they are not aware of it. This negative attitude towards oneself is often hidden and fully manifests itself and surfaces only when our partner holds a mirror up to us in the relationship. Mirroring in a relationship reveals our hidden problems that prevent us from experiencing love, joy and happiness. If this happens, a very strong state of mistrust is activated.
It’s as if such a person has fundamental doubts in the face of anyone who claims to love him . why do you love me What is he up to? Will he want to play with my feelings? Deep down, he does not believe that anyone can truly love him and rather feels that he is falling into a trap. Or that he will eventually fall into it. He is distrustful, he is afraid that he will be manipulated, that he will attack and be used.
Thus, he adopts a wary and suspicious attitude, which he finds difficult to abandon. This hidden self-sabotage prevents him from letting anyone get close to him and he keeps his distance, is cold and subconsciously resists love. It thus prevents a deep connection with another – it does not open up, nor does it allow someone to really know and love it . He sabotages his relationships and then takes it as proof that he was right.
Such a person is controlled by fear – where there is fear, there is also an absence of love. It cannot be both at the same time. Choose do you want to live in love or in fear? If you want to live in love and get rid of fear, contact us and we will be happy to help you.
3. LACK OF RELATIONSHIP SKILLS AND SELF-SABOTAGE
Many times we think that maintaining relationships requires no skill . It is based on the idea that there is nothing to learn about it because everything will happen naturally. Unfortunately, this is not true. It all depends on your skills, which you have and can use or don’t have and can’t use. Believe it or not, the vast majority of people, roughly over 80%, lack these key skills that lead to establishing and maintaining healthy relationships.
If a person has had positive relationship patterns throughout their childhood or life that they have inherited from their parents and from previous relationships, it is very likely that they actually have a natural talent for establishing and maintaining healthy relationships. Unfortunately, there are not many of these individuals. On the other hand, if you lack these models, you don’t have developed healthy communication patterns, you don’t have healthy self-confidence , you don’t have healthy and firm boundaries, you lack emotional intelligence and the ability to effectively solve problems and obstacles in a relationship, you have traumas rooted in you, it can be difficult to establish healthy relationships or, more difficult, to maintain them.
Sometimes self-sabotage in a relationship comes from a lack of skill in maintaining a relationship . Some people need to learn to express affection, understand others, formulate healthy expectations, learn empathy and listening, communicate properly, put yourself first, set healthy and firm boundaries, learn emotional intelligence, solve problems and obstacles in a relationship, etc. Otherwise, the relationship can and will fail sooner or later.
HOW TO SELF-SABOTAGE?
If you’re one of those people who repeatedly have trouble forming or maintaining relationships, despite wanting love and happiness, you may be engaging in self-sabotaging behavior. In this case, I recommend our online self-love journey program , which will guide you step by step to healing trauma and emotional pain, and you will also learn to use all the necessary practical skills you need to build, establish and maintain healthy relationships.
Remember that if you are not in harmony with yourself, you will hardly be in harmony with anyone else. Your relationship with yourself is reflected in your relationship with others, that’s what self-love is about , which is number one for healthy, happy and satisfied relationships. Without self-love, you cannot build, establish and maintain healthy relationships. Absence of self-love always leads to a toxic relationship.
