Chasing girls, chatting is the basis. Many boys have been single because they don’t know how to chat. Today, I will share 3 tips for chatting with girls. If you want to make your chat more attractive, let’s find out.
1. The essence of chat
The essence of chat is to conduct two-way interaction through listening, asking questions, telling stories, etc., to let the other party know you better, cultivate comfort and security, and prepare for upgrading the relationship.
The chat has three stages:
(1) Pay attention to yourself, the spotlight is on yourself, the more you pay attention to yourself, the more nervous you are, and you can’t keep chatting.
(2) Only listen to the superficial content of the other party’s words.
(3) Obedient voices.
The chat is not good, most of which are limited to the first two stages.
So doing a good job of personal building and the establishment of a thinking framework can effectively help you to be more than capable in chatting.
2. Personal construction
1. Mindset building
(1) It doesn’t matter, but friendly.
It doesn’t matter:
In the process of female evolution, there is a rule that women like men that many women like, and they think that men that many women like must be valuable. This is a shortcut for the human brain to be lazy.
It doesn’t matter what you want to send such a signal to women-I am a man popular with women, which can stimulate women’s interest in you.
It shows that, no matter whether a woman is interested in you or not, I don’t care what a woman thinks of me. If a woman likes me, that’s good, but she doesn’t like me. That’s nothing.
When chatting with women, it is especially important that you have a clear self-understanding of yourself.
And your opinion of this woman is also important. What is not important is her opinion of you, because the relationship between the sexes is originally a game of value, and both parties can see it. After passing through the screening in their own heart, they are willing to devote time and energy to understand each other.
Emphasize not to value what a woman thinks of you in order to make your mentality more stable and attractive.
But only an indifferent attitude is not enough.
friendly:
Being friendly is not to please. You can treat her like a friend, put her in the same position as a friend, and be impartial during the pursuit.
Pay special attention to the purpose of any behavior you do, not for this woman, but for yourself, or what you should do as a man, not to win her favor.
(2) Open-minded and frivolous
Open-mindedness comes from the mentality of letting go.
The mentality comes from the improvement of ideological awareness and cognitive dimensions.
And frivolousness comes from self-confidence in its own value and execution.
So doing the following five filters can help you consolidate your mind.
2. Make five filters
(1) Makeup filter: clothing, hairstyle, figure, makeup (toner, makeup cream, facial mask, facial cleanser, clean beard, etc.)
(2) Scene filter: First acquaintance with him, in the sunny afternoon, coffee shop, sunny weather, bar with a high atmosphere, these can appropriately add points to your current value.
(3) IQ and EQ filters: how smart and smooth you are in doing things, whether you speak beautifully and intriguingly, whether you can take care of others’ emotions equally, etc.
(4) Skill filter: In your current social circle, whether you have a unique shining point. For example, we all know that on college campuses, boys who play basketball well have no shortage of girlfriends. This is the shining point. Such men have a great advantage in attracting girls.
(5) Career filter: Your job, whether you have the ability to earn money to support yourself and your family, we must accept the fact that love needs bread.
The above five points can be ignored by someone who looks handsome out of the sky or has a mine at home.
Always be prepared to become a better version of yourself, and the beginning of love often stems from a certain moment in the crowd. Each of you sees a certain point in you and feels that you can talk to this person.
And don’t force yourself to be good in order to please a person. The correct underlying logic is: To please yourself and satisfy yourself, let yourself be good.
Life advice: Read more, read good books (internal cultivation), earn more money, and earn more money (earning money is not just about making money, it reflects your social, emotional intelligence, value, responsibility, etc.), so Your mental awareness and cognitive dimensions will be high, it will be easier to be open-minded, chatting will not be difficult, and the girl will come naturally.
Three, build a chat thinking framework
I will explain the following chat thinking with examples, and inferences are the key.
1. Leap Forward Thinking
The premise of using this thinking is that you and the girl are in a good relationship with a friend, and are comfortable.
(1) When chatting with girls is emotionally high, use words such as “we” and “we” to get closer.
(2) When the mood is high and both parties are happy, you obviously feel that the girl has a good impression of you. At this time, for example, you can ask her to give you a nickname. Choose one of the five: husband, old man, male Friend, baby, exclusive story nickname (usually a common memory between you two)
(3) These alone are not enough. You still need to express intimacy from time to time but moderate words, not obvious, but very ambiguous, let her guess that this trick is better than any confession. For example, I dreamed of you last night, or gave her a hug expression when she was uncomfortable.
(4) Call her by her intimate name, such as baby, I am here. No need to confess, just say it when she is uncomfortable or happy, or when she talks to you.
The above four parts can be mixed and used step by step, depending on the specific relationship.
2. Misunderstanding thinking
It can be suitable for you to chat with a girl at night, and the girl suddenly stops responding.
At this time, you don’t need to make up the words, get up the next day and send her a message that you slept quite early last night. You don’t need to ask her what’s wrong, just assume that she is asleep if you misunderstand her, give her a step, and she will naturally explain.
Use according to specific situations.
3. Bottom logic: Split words + patience + take points + organization language
(1) Split words:
The tactic of dismantling characters is also a manifestation of emotional intelligence. Let me say a few words first, and keep it to see how the other party responds. Two advantages:
1. Look at the other party’s reply, you can know what his mood and attitude are. According to the other party’s mood and attitude, you can adjust what you want to say below to make the other party and yourself satisfied;
2. It is convenient for the other party to grab points, organize the language, and reply according to your one or two sentences.
The purpose of chatting is that both parties are happy, chatting for the other side to consider, do not unilaterally hilarious, if you post half of the mobile phone screen, you feel good, and suffer the other side.
(2) Patience:
Chatting is your interaction, not to mention that many men have very high self-expectations when chatting with girls. I have sent a sentence and I have already figured out how the girls will reply to you. If the girls’ reply is not as satisfactory as you , Will suffer from gains and losses.
Regardless of the effect of the chat, the girl may be busy or wondering how to do it. After a period of time without replying to her message, she started to add drama to herself, brain supplementing the picture: I shouldn’t say this, I say this Will she be angry? Will she not like me at all? What’s more, she will be self-deprecating. I am really not a man, and I can’t chat.
The best solution is to talk according to the word splitting method. You have to say something to me. Don’t add a word. For love Xiaobai, my suggestion is very simple. The girl will reply, you will reply you a sentence or two; the girl will send an emoji package. You can reply with an emoji package; from time to time, you can go back to her a little bit late, you don’t need to reply in seconds, and, as a man, you don’t have anything to do on your own. You have to stare at your phone every day.
(3) Take points
On this point, let me give an example.
Background: The two people are in different places. They are comfortable and like each other, but they don’t show it. The boy is 30 and the girl is 27.
Girl: I don’t know if I’m ready
I’m afraid I will hurt you, because I can talk to you and get to know you. It’s really good. After this step, I won’t be able to return. Besides, what can the two of you do in the future?
Analyze what the girls want to express. Girls are worried that they will break the current comfort zone. They may be friends for a lifetime. Lovers will break up. Both of them are not young anymore. It is difficult to meet in different places.
Pick points: offsite, chat (happy), care about the present, worry about the future, lack of security
Boy: I know that I am not much better than others, but baby (nickname, I use Yuejin thinking here, because in this kind of chat atmosphere, we like each other, so we can just jump into the relationship boldly), we are together for better Good growth, even if you don’t know what to do in the future, but based on the present (take a little bit of the present, dispel future scruples), you and me, share the joy and troubles of life, which fits well (a sense of security is piled up). I can’t guarantee that we can go to the end, but now I will be able to treat you well (again, a sense of security).
This is a real case. The two have been together and have met their parents. They are limited by privacy and it is inconvenient to put screenshots, but take some thoughts and share them with everyone.
(4) Organization language
Organize the language to minimize the number of words, be concise and concise.
To make things beautiful, refer to the following methods:
Communicate with others, learn from others, see what other people’s chats are like, learn from each other’s strengths;
When chatting, take some points and do it well, don’t panic, don’t be anxious, it’s okay to come back later, chatting ten beautiful words is much better than a hundred nonsense.
4. Learn to listen
So how to listen?
(1) Grab the key words, key points, repeat in your own words, and confirm with the other party whether it is what he wants to express;
(2) Calm down for three seconds, refrain from expressing opinions, and interrupt the impulse and thoughts of the other party;
(3) Find resonance points and push emotions;
(4) After the other party has finished speaking, wait three seconds to make sure that the other party has finished speaking and is talking about his thoughts.
