To what extent do you allow your partner to interfere in your life? Is there any point that he cannot overcome? If you answered yes, know that you are on the right track. Setting boundaries in the relationship is an important part of any relationship. You should feel comfortable, honestly communicating your needs to your partner without being afraid of their reaction. Talking about your limits with him is a great way to ensure that everyone’s needs are being met and that you feel secure in your relationship. Don’t know how to do this? How to establish limits in the relationship? Let’s talk about it today!
In today’s text we will cover the topics:
- It’s not always easy
- How to set limits in the relationship: step by step
- Limits that must be established
- Don’t be afraid of confrontation
- Above all, think of you
It’s not always easy
Depending on your education and past experience, setting boundaries in the relationship may be easier or more difficult for you. If we had a parent, or someone else in our life during childhood, who did not know how to set boundaries with us, then we must learn to set boundaries in relationships. We have to learn when the time is right to set a limit and how to find a balance so that they are not too weak or too strong.
How to set limits in the relationship: step by step
While learning how to correctly define boundaries in the relationship can be a long process, it is not difficult. Here are basic steps to get started:
Step 1: recognize your own feelings
To establish effective limits, we must be able to know what we feel. Does that person’s critical comment make me feel bad? Does this person make me feel weak or pessimistic? Being able to make this recognized is absolutely vital.
Step 2: recognize when and how your boundaries were crossed
So, now looking at your feelings, stop and acknowledge how your limit has been crossed. Is he always making critical comments for you? Does he always seem to have problems that you always have to help him with? Does he always show up late for his appointments?
Step 3: recognize how you need to set your limit
Once you recognize what is making you feel bad, then decide what it is you need to say to that person.
Step 4: make your limit known
Communicate your limit to your partner. Keep in mind that if there is any reaction from him or if he wants to argue, it may be better to just walk away and focus on taking care of yourself.
Step 5: take care
If setting the limit has brought about any feelings of guilt, then be sure to take care of yourself. Take a walk, exercise, go out in nature … Do something to help rethink and not spend too much (or any) energy focusing on what happened.
Step 6: Use positive reinforcement when the change is made
There is no faster way to show someone the right behavior than when you reward them. In fact, the more you use positive reinforcement to complement your partner when he does the things you like, the less you’ll have to communicate.
When you use positive reinforcement, you are directly showing the type of behavior that makes you feel more excited and loved, which is a powerful motivation for anyone to improve in a relationship.
Limits that must be established
The limits in the relationship are necessary, but they should not be thought of as rigid constructions designed to stifle a relationship. They can vary and that is why discussing this is so important. Here are 10 types of limits you should consider rethinking in your relationship:
1. General expectations
First, you must discuss what you expect from someone and what you expect to receive. If you think of expectations as standards of conduct, embracing the boundaries that accompany them makes everything easier.
2. Tolerances
Everyone has different physical pain limits. The same goes for the emotional. Tell your partner that there are certain things that you will not tolerate: screams, lies, silent treatments, distrust – whatever it is, let it be known that going through these limits is a journey you may not want.
3. Gender
Some people enjoy sex every morning. Others enjoy sex in strange places . Some do it only on holidays. Others are wild or slow or sensual. If you and your partner don’t know where your sexual limits are, one or both may spend time trying to pretend they like something they don’t like, which is a clear sign of problems on the horizon of any relationship. Let your needs and preferences be known, as well as the amount of space for experimentation within them.
4. Financial
It may not be romantic to talk about money, but it is an inevitable part of human interactions, whether you are with someone or not. There is a great deal of controversy when it comes to fund sharing, but many couples now maintain separate bank accounts openly. It is not a question of distrust or expectation of a failed relationship, it is a matter of convenience. Discuss your financial boundaries in advance to avoid unnecessary discussions later.
5. Past
Simply put, your past is yours. Many people feel that it is their right or duty to share their romantic and sexual past with their partner, which is not cool … Let him know that you decide what you are going to tell and he needs to know that. The only exception is when your past represents a direct health risk, that is, a threat to it. Other than that, you are not obliged to anything.
6. Family
The needs of both families inevitably end up interfering in their relationship, whether in a good or bad way. Setting basic boundaries on how much family interaction will affect the relationship can prevent a lot of hassles in the future.
7. Friendships
Your partner will never like all of your friends, nor will you like his, but that doesn’t stop many people from trying to determine who the other can and cannot have as a friend. Set mutual limits of respect and establish the extent to which he can give an opinion on his friendships.
8. Objectives
No one can tell us that our dreams are useless, even if they think they are doing it in a sensitive way, to help us. Set a limit: this is what I want / will do. Support is allowed, support is allowed, killing your dreams is not.
9. Additions
Are you willing to have children in the relationship? Pets? These are usually limits that everyone brings to a relationship, but are only mentioned after some time. Adding something extra to a relationship is a big deal and should not be left to chance. Talk about who and what you are willing to allow in your relationship.
10. Digital
In the age of iPhones and social networks, it is necessary to discuss the extent to which one should have access to the other’s digital life. Communication apps, tracking apps, calendar apps, Facebook friendships (and friendships): all of this is bounded territory. Love may not always last, but social media, while not forever, is extremely difficult to erase.
Photos and sexting : similarly to your physical limits, it is important to have digital limits on what you are eating, sending via text message. After clicking on send a photo or text, you lose control of who sees it. If your partner requires online behavior that you don’t like, you must say that you are not in the mood to do so, and he should not be angry.
Don’t be afraid of confrontation
Respecting and being respected are key components in any relationship, and the reality is that we all have boundaries that should not be crossed, but we often resolve not to declare them or even to give them up.
However, now that you know how to set boundaries in a relationship, it’s time to have a serious conversation with your partner. If he tells you that your needs are stupid, getting mad at you or not respecting your limits, then he is not showing you the respect you deserve.
Above all, think of you
Remember that your emotions are valid. For this reason, you are not wrong in defining your limits. In fact, you are taking care of yourself, which is something we should all do above all else. The most important component for creating a happy, healthy and rewarding relationship is respecting the limits of the other. With that in mind, your relationship will be much more likely to have a future.
