Self-sabotage: how fear of being happy can destroy you

Have you heard the saying “you are your worst enemy”? It seems a bit strong phrase, but many people have already experienced this sensation. Why do many people want to be successful and happy, but at the same time behave in a way that prevents them from getting what they want? This pattern of behavior is called self- sabotage and often prevents us from achieving our goals. But what is behind self-sabotage and why do we sometimes do things contrary to what we want? Today I brought some answers that can help you. Check out!

Have you heard the saying “you are your worst enemy”? It seems a bit strong phrase, but many people have already experienced this sensation. Why do many people want to be successful and happy, but at the same time behave in a way that prevents them from getting what they want? This pattern of behavior is called self- sabotage and often prevents us from achieving our goals. But what is behind self-sabotage and why do we sometimes do things contrary to what we want? Today I brought some answers that can help you. Check out!

self sabotage

In today’s text we will address:

  • What is self-sabotage?
  • Why do we indulge in self-sabotage?
  • Avoiding situations
  • The manifestation of self-sabotage in our lives
  • Most common reasons for self-sabotage
  • Tips to overcome self-sabotage

What is self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage is any behavior, thought, emotion or action that prevents you from consciously getting what you want. It is a conflict that exists between conscious desires and unconscious desires that manifest themselves in self-limited patterns of behavior. This disconnection – this shock of needs and desires – is manifested in self-sabotage behavior.

Self-sabotage not only prevents you from reaching your goals, but also plays the role of a security mechanism that protects you from disappointment.

What this essentially means is that your brain is protecting you from getting hurt by doing what you think is best – which is keeping you within your comfort zone.

Why do we indulge in self-sabotage?

Self-sabotage usually remains in our lives because of a lack of self-esteem and self-confidence. In addition, we suffer from these patterns because we have great difficulty managing our daily emotional experiences. We tend to react to events, circumstances and people in ways that hinder our progress and prevent us from achieving our goals and objectives.

Avoiding situations

Self-sabotage is also used as an effective method for dealing with stressful situations or high expectations.

For example, we sabotage ourselves when we are unable to achieve the high expectations that have been set for us. We feel unable to achieve some goals and, thus, we engage in self-sabotage behavior as a means of dealing with the situation.

No matter what our reasoning for self-sabotage is, it is clear that if we do not do something about it, we will continue to live a life full of regrets and unmet expectations.

The manifestation of self-sabotage in our lives

Self-sabotage can come in many forms and often manifests itself in our lives in many ways. Here is a list of typical methods that we use to sabotage our own path to success:

  • We succumb to fear of failure
  • We prevent ourselves from taking risks
  • We do not take proactive measures because we fear making mistakes
  • We don’t take the time to plan ahead
  • We are unable to say no to others
  • We don’t stop to consider the consequences of our actions
  • We don’t stop to think carefully before making decisions
  • We do not strive to think critically about our circumstances
  • We get in our way and don’t take the time to think flexibly about our problems
  • We are too proud to admit our mistakes
  • We worry incessantly and unnecessarily without looking at our situation objectively
  • We set unrealistic expectations for ourselves and others
  • We allow our critical voice to take control and so, persistently, judge ourselves and others
  • We are continually dedicated to thinking comparatively where we measure our value based on what others are doing
  • We are always complaining about people, life, circumstances …
  • We consciously indulge in the habit of procrastination and perfectionism
  • We blindly accept other people’s advice without questioning
  • We struggle with limiting beliefs, debilitating emotions and bad attitudes
  • We indulge in useless thoughts that sabotage our mind
  • We regularly focus on what’s not working or daydreaming

Most common reasons for self-sabotage

  • The familiarity of “failure”. Perhaps we are so used to situations that don’t work or being around “dysfunctional people” that it seems easier to destroy something that looked promising than to have the courage to try something new. It is the same old saying “the devil is better known than the devil who is not known”.
  • Unconscious need to be in control. If we feel that something is doomed to fail because it is “too good to last”, we could do something to go wrong, in order to maintain the feeling that we are still in control (because we cause the failure).
  • Feeling unworthy. The low self-esteem can lead people to feel they do not deserve success or happiness.
  • Bad habits like excessive drinking, smoking or uncontrolled anger.
  • Need for excitement and excitement all the time.

Tips to overcome self-sabotage

Be kind to yourself

Shame of self-sabotage can be a huge obstacle to taking different measures. Try to see your actions with love and compassion, as if you are witnessing this happen in a small child and you want to help him overcome what he is blocking.

Fears and bad thoughts

Sit down and imagine what it would be like to have what you want or achieve your goal. Imagine each step. When you are doing this, write down any negative feelings, strange fears or random thoughts that arise. The key to your self-sabotage lies in those fears and thoughts. Life is too short not to go after what you want most.

Identify the root causes

Some people are comfortable in chaos. It is a difficult thing to recognize about yourself, but an important lesson to learn. If chaos is comfort, then it is easy to understand how self-sabotage can be attractive, consciously or not.

The Imposter Syndrome is another reason why the autossabotamos. We get nervous thinking that we are not qualified or we shouldn’t be doing something. So we give up or put ourselves in positions where we are asked to resign.

It is not always easy to recognize something about yourself, so listen to other people if you feel better. It never hurts to talk to a professional, be it a therapist, a coach or someone you trust, to get some perspective from a neutral third party. Take the time to find out why you are sabotaging yourself. Finding out the root cause will prevent you from doing this again.

Face your fears

If you procrastinate all the time, cause unnecessary conflicts in your relationship or face difficulties that are repeated in other areas of life, take a long, hard look in the mirror and decide if this is what you really want to keep doing. Ask yourself: do I really want to sabotage my chance to be happy in life? When you do this exercise, you will find that it is not worth the energy to sabotage your chances of success just because you fear you will not achieve it. It is much easier to face your fears and “fail” than to give up before trying. Don’t waste your talent and your chances of being happy.

There is no “right” way to succeed

Imagine what true success will be like, because it may be different from what you were unconsciously assuming. Successful relationships, for example, don’t work well all the time; earning good money does not solve all problems. Success is relative. So, remember that becoming successful (anyway) will not seem so strange when it happens, you will be.

Explore life

All life is an exploration. Being open to life means seeing where certain experiences will take you and openly accepting good and evil. Of course, if something isn’t really working for you, that’s fine, but if it’s really a reluctance to explore life and experience good and health, then it’s an area that needs to be worked on.

Adjust your expectations

Our expectations can sometimes take us to new heights, or they can demoralize us emotionally. That is why it is so important to always keep them in check to ensure that we are not aiming too high. Otherwise, disappointment will be the only result that you will notice.

However, keep your expectations a little high. At the same time, make sure that they are flexible and take into account your circumstances, conditions and resources.

Take a chance

More often than not, those who take more risks have fewer regrets than those who play it safe and fight uncertainty. The same is true when it comes to transforming your behavior. You need to take risks and, finally, you need to abandon the old limiting patterns of behavior that no longer serve you.

It’s your choice. It’s in your hands. Now you know what to do and how to do it. There is no better time to make changes than NOW! And there is no one better to start this change than YOU!

How to overcome self-sabotage

Just as we do not master the process of walking in a day, change does not happen overnight; happens over time.

When you took your first steps, you must have stumbled more than once. However, you came back and continued to fight until you finally mastered the mechanics of walking. It was one of his little life experiments that I imagine was successful in the end.

The change process is exactly the same. Treat it as an experience that will take a little time and effort. You probably won’t be victorious overnight. Who knows, you might even end up losing some battles. However, in the end, as long as you persist, you will end up winning the war and overcoming self-sabotage.

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