Look, how much are you able to love? That answer seems a little difficult, doesn’t it?
You are able to love your partner, your parents, children, relatives and friends. The feeling seems inexhaustible and infinite.
However, how much of that love is meant for you? Can you love yourself?
Just to exemplify: self-love is a way of relating to yourself, which does not involve judging or punishing yourself severely for every mistake you make, or whenever someone does better than you.
It is simply liking who you are, under any circumstances!
We will cover the following topics:
- What is not self-love;
- Self-esteem x self-love;
- So, what is true self-love?
- The three facets of self-love;
- 8 steps to develop self-love;
- Find out who you really are;
- Start now.
What is not self-love
First of all, many people think they love each other, but in reality, they are only about “liking themselves”.
When you manage to lose a few pounds, when you do your hair, makeup and appearance – you like yourself.
Or even when you achieve something big – but you like yourself. Now when you help someone else – and you still like yourself.
And when does the opposite happen?
So, if you gained a few pounds, would you still look at yourself in the mirror with love and appreciation? Do you like yourself when your hair is messy and you have some pimples on your face?
Similarly, what we often consider self-love is a conditional taste for the person we are.
Instead of pure love, we judge ourselves. If we do something right, we reward ourselves with love.
But when we do something bad, we punish ourselves by taking away that feeling. We have become the most severe punisher in our lives.
Self-esteem x self love
Undoubtedly, people tend to think that self-love and self-esteem are the same thing.
This is not true.
Although they support each other and are built on similar factors, they are different aspects of the way you see yourself and treat yourself.
So, having one can help you build the other.
For me, good self-esteem comes from the pride of who you are and what you do. And it can be related to just a piece of you.
So, what is true self-love?
In fact, self-love is an unconditional feeling of love, appreciation and acceptance for itself.
What does unconditional mean?
However, no matter what you do, you always love yourself with the same strength.
By the way, self-love is a general acceptance of who you are as a person, despite your shortcomings, which creates an inner desire to take good care of you and focus on what makes you happy.
The three facets of self-love
So self-love has three separate but related aspects. Are they:
- Attention: Have an open, curious and non-judgmental attitude; not identifying too much with negative stories about herself.
- Self-kindness: Treat yourself gently, not harshly. Extending the same care and support as you would a good friend or loved one.
- Common humanity: Allow yourself to be human, make mistakes and learn from them. Knowing that, as human beings, we are not perfect, nor should we act with perfection.
8 steps to develop self-love
Surely you must be asking yourself – how do you get to this point?
How can you achieve self-love? See this step step:
1. Become aware of your inner voice
First of all, the first thing you need to do is to be aware of how you treat yourself.
In any case, we all talk to ourselves in our minds, only we are not always fully aware of that voice.
So, first step – become aware of your inner voice.
So, pay attention to what you are saying. Observe what you say to yourself most often. What do you say when you do something amazing and when you fail?
In light of that, here are some situations in which you must maintain awareness of your inner voice.
- Wake up and look in the mirror;
- He is scolded by his boss;
- Acts with anger;
- He sees a needy person, but he keeps walking without helping him;
And more! When…
- It is bad for you and someone;
- Make a mistake at work ;
- Eat unhealthy food;
- Skip your training session ;
- Mind to someone;
- It makes someone cry;
- Feels lazy;
Look, are you still loving and taking care of yourself in all these moments?
2. Take control of your inner voice
Certainly the things you hear in your head are now there for a lifetime.
Still, you may not have paid attention to this before – in that case, you may be shocked to hear some of the things you say to yourself.
However, the truth is that you have been feeding on these messages for years. And the more we hear something, the more we believe in it.
In other words, which means that all the negative things you say to yourself have become your strongly held beliefs. But you can change them. Step by step.
By analogy, now that you are aware of your inner voice, the next time you find yourself saying something unpleasant, pause and say “stop”.
In that sense, a little trick is to send a message to your subconscious to ignore what you just thought.
For example, after the stop, say something new to yourself – this time a message of support, love and affection. And keep doing that.
In summary, I know that at the beginning it will seem like a lie. You will not believe this new legal message. This is OK.
So keep doing this, and in time, you will become neutral to the message and finally – you will believe it.
3. Set boundaries
First of all, it is a good sign of how much you love yourself is to realize how you let other people treat you. Do they step on you?
In that sense, do you go to the ends of the earth to please them, to the detriment of yourself? Do they talk or act badly with you, depress you and trample your dreams? Do they put you at the bottom of the list?
In fact, you often say yes to people for fear of disturbing them. As a result, you spend precious time and energy in situations you didn’t even want to be in.
Anyway, setting boundaries is usually as simple as knowing when to say no. We care that people will stop liking us if we do that.
However, if you do something like this with confidence and love, those who care will respect you and even change their behavior towards you. And those who walk away will not be missed by your life, believe me.
4. Take time for “you”.
Namely, there is always someone who wants a piece of you – your boss, partner, children, friends, parents, siblings, bank manager.
Anyway, do you know who else needs a piece of you? Yourself!
Anyway, I know that life is busy. However, you should always make time to do things that make you feel cared for – exercise, time alone, a little pampering.
In fact, giving yourself permission to take care of yourself is a way of internalizing that you are worthy and loved.
Observe who you spend time with
Eventually, they say you’re like the five people you spend the most time with. Many years ago, I remember being surrounded by people who had a very negative outlook on life.
We all go through dark times, however none of us want to get stuck in them.
In fact, I realized that the most loving thing we can do to help us out of a negative state is to surround ourselves with positive energy. The goal is not to find people who are always positive – none of us are.
Undoubtedly, this is spending time with people who are making a conscious effort to release negativity.
In short, your life is too precious.
Love yourself enough to distance yourself from the people who obscure your light and find the ones that help you shine the most.
6. Be authentic
First, we cause so much pain and suffering when we stifle our true nature and ignore our desires and dreams in order to adjust to society and meet the expectations of others.
You are a unique and unprecedented human being.
That way, there will never be someone like you again, and you are here to give the world its own special mix of gifts, passions, interests and quirks.
In fact, allowing yourself to appear as your authentic self is one of the most powerful things you can do and can profoundly enrich your relationship with yourself.
7. Don’t want to achieve perfection
At first, there is no perfection, although you can say that it is perfect in its imperfection.
Certainly everyone makes mistakes or struggles with some things, it is natural. I am sure that it is impossible to do everything right.
So it’s not funny to scold ourselves for not meeting an impossible standard.
Furthermore, our inner voice can be a critical and demanding foreman. We speak with harsh words that we would never dream of targeting other people.
Start treating yourself as if you were a friend or loved one. Be kind and kind to yourself, especially when you are suffering from fear, anxiety or pain.
Encourage yourself and celebrate your best moments. When you have a decision to make, ask yourself, “What would someone you loved do?”
8. Practice gratitude for you and your body.
Instead of focusing on what you think is “wrong” with you, focus on all the amazing things you have to offer.
In that sense, energy flows where attention goes, so the more you shift your perception to your positive attributes , the more you will discover.
It is also important to remember that your body is just a game for your spirit.
So love it , have fun, take care of it and feel appreciation for all the wonderful things it allows you to do, but don’t invest your self-worth in your appearance.
In conclusion, you are not a body, you have a body – you are a soul.
Loving each other
First of all, what do you do when you love someone? Think of your parents, siblings, a lover or a best friend.
By the way, do you get gifts? Do you take them on a date?
Also, do you spend quality time together?
In short, love is a feeling, and love is a verb. Love is as much about feeling as it is about doing! So now is the time to do something loving for yourself!
Think of all the things you like that bring you pleasure. And just do it with yourself!
Above all, if you’ve never tried it before, the thought of doing something on your own may scare you a little. However, once you start, you will start to enjoy spending time with yourself.
We need to stop depriving ourselves of the things that we like and that make us happy.
From now on, allow yourself to do the things you like . Spending time doing this just because you like them should be just as important.
So here are some ideas on how to start looking for self-love:
- Go out for a good dinner;
- Painting (or doing any other type of art that you like and that allows you to express in a creative way);
- Writing (you can write poems, a book or keep a diary);
- Take pictures;
- Visit museum;
- Cooking something healthy;
- Drink a detox juice;
- Read your favorite book (and yes, it could be that love story you love);
- Watch a romantic comedy;
- Buy a nice dress;
- Visit a manicure;
- Go to the SPA (massages are my favorite things for self-love!);
- Go to a yoga class;
- Dance (and you can go crazy at home);
- Listen to your favorite music;
- Play with animals;
- Stay in nature;
- Go walk;
- Do nothing (yes – just sit or lie down and do absolutely nothing).
Namely, the more you practice this type of act, the stronger the message you send to yourself: “You deserve it”.
It is an essential and fun way to practice self-love.
Find out who you really are
First of all, when you discover who you really are, you cannot help but love yourself. Did you know that almost every element on Earth was formed in the heart of a star?
Then your body is made of stardust!
Anyway, your soul is pure and powerful energy!
In short, your life as you know it is a unique expression in the consciousness that will never exist!
In fact, you are a miracle! Besides, who doesn’t love a miracle?
First, don’t wait any longer, start now.
So, follow these eight simple steps and start, little by little, to feel self-love invading your life.
So that when that happens, you will wake up and feel different.
Anyway, you will be in love. For yourself. That will be the best feeling of your life!