Relationships and sexuality.
A relationship is the relationship in our adult life that holds the greatest opportunities.
With a relationship, we have the opportunity to experience community, security, freedom, love, friendship, vulnerability, crisis, strength, eroticism and growth. And a relationship is also the relationship where we have the opportunity to develop individually at the same time as there is a common development.
Entering into a relationship and maintaining it is at the same time the most ambitious project in our adult lives.
- Ambitious because the expectations we have for ourselves and our partner, and for the common goals we set, will inevitably be disturbed by the subtle aspects of reality.
- A relationship challenges our ability to be flexible and able to adjust.
- A relationship challenges our ability to give more of ourselves than we had anticipated in order to please our partner.
- A relationship challenges our ability to handle being in contact with our partner in a close and vulnerable space – and at the same time be able to handle structuring a sometimes sober everyday life with practical chores, jobs and possibly. children.
- A relationship challenges our ability to forgive, to bear – without forgetting, however, that it is important not to annihilate oneself and one’s own needs.
- As such, a relationship consists of 3 elements, if you will. Namely you, me and our relationship.
In other words, a relationship is an exciting journey where two independent people are attracted to each other and build a common space. And in order for a relationship to retain the vitality and spark that was experienced in the first and beautiful phase of infatuation, it is important that each party preserves itself so that we do not become invisible to each other and only slip into the common circle. For we are different and cannot think and do everything in common. If we could, there would be no interaction or dynamism.
So cheers for the difference. And hurray for the relationship.
Communication stops – you open up to become vulnerable.
But in those periods when communication comes to a standstill in a relationship,
where the crisp vulnerable moments for one reason or another are absent and where listening, being and forgiving, read: giving to each other is only something we frustratedly dream of, we do not shout hurray for the difference and perhaps want our relationship away and start considering separation. Then we are given the task in our relationship again to find the spark and stop blaming the other for not being happy.
When a relationship / marriage is in crisis, you often ask yourself if you still love the other.
That, of course, is a good question, but it should not be the only question asked. Love and attraction are definitely a fine and necessary cornerstone for a couple’s existence, but not the only one. Feeling respect and interest and interacting with development in mind are the cornerstones that must also be focused on.
The pitfall in which many relationships fall – or at times stand on the edge of,
is about making our partner responsible for our own joy and happiness. This is where the relationship is such a big challenge. For what the relationship can do is that it can mirror any of our own shadowy sides. And sunny sides.
Our partner knows our weaknesses, and we know our partner’s weaknesses, and the whole balance in a relationship stands and falls with whether we as adults are able to take responsibility for our own feelings and perceptions and fail to blame our partner for , that we are tired, unhappy or bored in the relationship.
It is captivatingly easy in a time of crisis to think that the neighbor’s grass is greener than our own. However, there are so many elements in the common history, which are built up in any relationship, that we must adapt to grow – individually and together, even when it is difficult.
If we ask ourselves.
It is thought-provoking that if, instead of asking ourselves if we still love the other, we can turn our gaze to another layer of ourselves and clarify what I want to give and what I want.
These questions are far more constructive and point in two directions. Partly into each of the parties, who must reflect on the answers, and may find that the answers change over time. On the one hand, the answers also point constructively forward into the common future. It can be rewarding to seek out a couple therapist from time to time, to brush up and find – rediscover the spark that is missing in a relationship. For the journey is exciting and has many facets.
I personally believe that a relationship is the most intense path of development we as humans can choose.
And although we may feel hatred, rejection, pain and irritation in our relationship, when we individually as a joint work on it, we can also experience the great heights such as unique closeness, gentleness, togetherness and authenticity.
As a couple therapist, I have had the honor of helping many couples put their relationship in a new and enriched perspective.
I would love to do it again… You can email or call if you need to get out of any stuck patterns or other kind of problems in your relationship.
