The rejection complex can become a major impediment for those who suffer from it. You may have heard the saying “you can’t please Greeks and Trojans” out there. This popular wisdom concerns the impossibility of satisfying everyone.
Anyone who feels rejected for no reason usually tries to do just that to get rid of this bad feeling. The problem is that this behavior results in major disappointments.
While the person expects thanks and a possible strengthening of the friendship bond, the other has no idea of his expectations. This mismatch ends up generating frustration .
Thus, it is difficult for the person with feelings of rejection to form lasting bonds . The problem, unfortunately, is a paradox, as this dynamic only increases the feeling of being rejected.
What is rejection complex?
First, we need to clarify that this appellation is popular. The term ‘complex’ actually refers to the belief in constant rejection. In all social situations, the person either believes they are being rejected or speculates that they will soon be rejected.
A dubious conduct or unfortunate comment is enough to alert the complex person. In other words, you live in constant fear of feeling emotions bad that arise with a possible abandonment.
The rejection complex acts as a block to the development of healthy interpersonal relationships. It can even be an unconscious self – sabotage mechanism .
The logic goes something like this: “I’m going to finish / leave / give up / don’t get attached before I’m rejected”. Thus, the person is unable to give himself completely to his relationships, damaging the coexistence.
The same applies to personal projects, work or study. As he is always imagining a scenario of possible rejection, the complexed individual does not complete his tasks or does not give his all. “Why try since my idea is going to be denied?”, Is the usual logic of these situations. In this case, the fear of rejection is an obstacle for you to find your true potential.
Characteristics of the rejection complex
When the fear of rejection is very strong, the tendency is to wait for a situation similar to the past. This is because the complexed person already has a strong belief that there will be hardly any other form of treatment. Consequently, he does not enjoy the present or discover the good in others or in his current life.
When something is denied or perceives “strange” behavior by someone close, the complexed individual unconsciously believes that the past is about to repeat itself. Thus, it is already armed against the possible threat to its self – esteem and mental health .
This reaction also reveals a great need to please the other. The person attaches great importance to the opinion of others , even if it has nothing to do with his life. She tries to do everything so that the others have a positive opinion about her. Otherwise, she goes into despair because she is afraid of being abandoned.
Another common consequence of the rejection complex is social isolation . Lonely people generally believe they are not welcome as they have been hurt several times by the feeling of rejection. Thus, they prefer to remain inmates.
How do we develop the rejection complex?
Everyone experiences rejection throughout life. The popular saying from the beginning fits perfectly here too. Trojans can be satisfied with our attitude as well as Greeks can loathe the same attitude. Therefore, it is impossible to receive a positive response at all times.
However, we are rarely taught to deal with the frustration of a no. Parents and teachers can teach not to to prevent dangerous or rude behavior. But we can hardly find guidance on how to act when someone rejects us.
In childhood, when children at the playground refuse to play with you, this event can mark you forever. In adolescence, bullying, which is also a way of rejecting others, also leaves deep marks on those who suffer.
In the family environment itself we can find many cases of rejection. Parents who disapprove of their children’s life dreams, do not like a personality trait or reject their sexuality. Situations like these are repeated daily in Brazil. Negative family dynamics can drive the appearance of the rejection complex.
The negative feelings that arise from these events hurt. They become emotional pains that we carry for the rest of our lives. Often, without being aware that that specific moment was decisive for our current condition.
Tips to overcome the rejection complex
To get rid of this unhealthy pattern of behavior , you can follow Vittude’s tips!
When your boss denies your idea at work, it doesn’t mean you are incompetent. If a friend rejects your help for a project, you may not be able to contribute in that specific situation. If your partner breaks up with you, it doesn’t mean that no one will ever love you.
These small ways of being rejected are common in the daily lives of all of us! They cannot paralyze you with fear or frustration. It is necessary to give a new meaning to the bad feelings intertwined in the idea of rejection.
Although painful, rejection can be a path to a better reality or a learning experience to avoid making the same mistake. Try to find the lessons present also in these situations.
Changing the perspective
Stop focusing on impending abandonment.
Know that when you interact with someone, they can’t see all the bad things you think you have. The other is unaware of your past and is unaware of the secrets you keep. And even if it did, it would be no reason to reject it.
When we are persecuted by the fear of rejection, we believe we have every reason to deserve this reality. The truth is, no, you don’t. Don’t let those thoughts dictate how you live.
When you experience a situation of rejection, look for points to be improved in order to have a different result in the future or just go ahead. Life is full of new beginnings. Fight the degrading thoughts that come up to let you down.
See who you are today. It is certainly very different from your past self. That person who has suffered so much has achieved incredible feats and got to where you are! Regardless of whether this is a desired reality or not, be grateful for personal growth.
Then analyze your virtues. What do you like most about yourself? List them and read all items daily. The chances of you not believing in your own qualities are great. Therefore, this exercise will slowly get you used to them.
Another way to cultivate self-love is to use failures to learn and celebrate victories. Even if these are small, celebrate and reflect on your success. Thus, your brain will get used to thinking positively again.
It is difficult to open up to the world after multiple rejections.
Fear is a powerful dominator. Living this way, however, is unsustainable. Put your weapons aside for a moment and try to open up to the people around you. It may be a co-worker or a relative who was previously distant.
If necessary, start chatting online in groups geared to your interests. It is easier to form bonds with people who have the same taste as us. Furthermore, in the cyber world, the pressure of social interactions is much less.
Do it slowly, at your pace and in your time. Respect your limitations, offering only what you can fulfill. If the fear of becoming vulnerable is too much, don’t succumb to despair. Seek professional help to open your heart and overcome traumatic experiences.
Forgive the past
This step is also a little complicated, but possible. The past is full of feelings. As we relive a memory, those feelings come to the fore.
The pardon is a way to release these feelings bad. Through a long process of understanding and accepting the events in our lives , it is possible to get rid of hurt. However, it takes a lot of courage to revisit trauma. Take it easy on this step too.
An effective technique is to simply visualize the people who have rejected you and repeat “I forgive you” several times.
The road to change
If the change is being too arduous, don’t worry. The Vittude is here to help you rediscover its value. The therapy is a healing path for those who carries the hurt of rejection. Through the analysis of the factors that may have contributed to the emergence of this feeling, methods are created to get around it.