Non-violent communication: what is it and how can it change your relationships?

Whether in personal or professional life, we tend to think that the way we communicate is the right one, and that we are always understood. It turns out that we often use aggressive ways and mannerisms that make it difficult for people to understand and even empathize with us. This is where non-violent communication can play a decisive role in consolidating a healthy relationship. Inside and outside your company.

Do you want to understand, in practice, how to reassess the way in which you relate to the people around you?

Discover throughout this post everything you need to know about non-violent communication!

What is non-violent communication?

Remember the grumpy neighbor who didn’t look anyone in the eye and just complained about everything? Or the boss who raised decibels to the maximum to ask for something or complain about someone’s work?

So, these are basic examples of what non-violent communication is not. In other words: to rage, to offend, to lose arguments with emotional or unreasonable scandals.

Can you see the common result of this type of attitude?


People who do not have an empathic, rational or even close approach have less positive results in their interactions or relationships.

With this, it is easy to understand that non-violent communication aims to improve any type of relationships that you want to build or maintain. And that goes for the personal or professional level.

When did non-violent communication arise?

From the studies of the American psychologist Marshall Rosenberg, in the mid-1960s, the concept of non-violent communication was drawn. And it says the following: that this technique is closely related to the principles of non-violence .

Have you heard of that?

Mahatma Gandhi, the great Indian religious leader, made extensive use of this type of behavior to free the country from British colonization (among other actions, of course).

Taking ideas to the communicative field, non-violent communication expresses the feeling that violence is not natural, but learned, assimilated and encouraged by any dominant culture.

Complementary to this, Rosenberg’s studies explore the concept that we humans have basic needs in common. And that we use strategies to meet those needs (remember the Malow Pyramid ?).

This makes it easier to analyze, for example, someone’s needs through a more empathic view.

How to practice non-violent communication?

Based on what we saw above, how about we understand some basic ideas so that non-violent communication is implemented in your daily life?

To do so, let’s start by understanding a basic question of this technique:

The pillars of non-violent communication

According to the psychologist responsible for the development and application of non-violent communication, there are four main pillars to be observed:

  • observation, which consists of seeing people free from prejudice and judgment;
  • feeling, whose pillar is built from the emotions triggered by the interaction you had with one or more people in a conversation, for example;
  • necessity, which is the appeal and motivation of the conversation. That is: why are you and that person interacting? Knowing what she or you want makes communication more clear, objective and transparent;
  • request, or the clarity with which you will ask or ask someone to tell you what you want. Thus, all interactions will be more agile and free from noise in communication.

So, just understand that non-violent communication can be used, basically, in any type of relationship you have.

A conversation, a meeting, discussions between friends or family and even in the most heated conflicts. Being the side that rationalizes, projects the needs of the other side and manages to balance the mood is essential for a conclusion that is interesting for both parties.

For this, take the opportunity to exercise your next interactions based on the pillars mentioned above. With them, non-violent communication develops in their questions and answers.

And, consequently, this habit will become more and more natural for you to assume a more valuable and gradually growing self-knowledge.

It is also worth noting how much this can actively contribute to the achievement of your goals and objectives in life. Knowing how to express oneself, understanding the other side of your interaction, allows the organization of arguments in a more assertive, efficient and respectful way.

What are the challenges in practicing?

Before proceeding with non-verbal communication as an unshakable tool for building healthy relationships in your life, why not also evaluate yourself from another perspective?

Check out, below, the main challenges in practicing it:

  • “Letting your guard down” to generate connection with your interlocutors can make it difficult for them to understand your own needs;
  • establish the connection initially, at the beginning of the conversation;
  • identify needs that are not explicit or are not clearly explained by the other person;
  • the patience to understand that non-violent communication is a process, and not a technique that is learned, overnight, and that will always work, in all occasions and situations.

Understanding these obstacles can even help you learn to better master your own expectations and anxiety when using non-violent communication.

Where do nonviolent expression and emotional intelligence relate?

We highlight, above, the challenges of non-violent communication because their constant development has a lot to do with their own emotional intelligence.

After all, empathy, self-knowledge and the rational use of your emotions are all about non-violent communication. The more you know how to apply it in your interactions, the more you will work on your emotional intelligence – directly and indirectly.

And this, as we have already said, can be used in your personal issues and also in your professional goals. Nonviolent communication (and emotional intelligence) are instruments that only benefit your life in the short term. In the medium and long term!

Do you want to know where to start this enrichment process? So, we invite you to know one of the most complete courses at Febracis: the CIS Method course !

It is considered the biggest emotional intelligence training in the world. To this end, it offers its participants the main coaching tools so that emotional obstacles are eliminated. This greatly favors the fulfillment of your dreams.

Get to know the course and stay on top of a method that can put you face to face with yourself. You will change issues that most prevent you from relating in a healthy way to other people!

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