A word of contempt, an insult or a phrase that seeks to humiliate us hurts as much as a blow. What can we do when our partner begins to communicate aggressively?
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The more close and attached we are to someone, the more effect their words will have on us. So much so that, at times, certain expressions or comments can hurt us. Furthermore, many people complain about “my partner speaks badly to me and I don’t know what to do” or “every day he talks to me with less respect and I don’t know how to act in the face of this.”
How should we act in such situations? The first and foremost thing is not to allow this type of dynamic to become a habit . We cannot ignore that violent or aggressive communication is a form of abuse. The consequences of living for months (or years) in a context where insults or harassment are common have a serious psychological impact.
The progression of abuse
On the other hand, this type of behavior in which harmful or aggressive words are used within the relationship appear progressively . It is common that at first they are apparent jokes, sarcastic comments with which to belittle the other and sharp phrases that are camouflaged with irony. They are accompanied by laughter and a “I was not serious, darling.”
Now, these behaviors are gaining strength over time, eroding us in silence, until suddenly one becomes aware that words are already like real blows to self-esteem and dignity.
Verbal abuse behavior is progressive, to the point that it then evolves into more violent forms.
The abuse that we find difficult to recognize when my partner speaks badly to me
If there is something to keep in mind, it is that in a relationship with a partner it is not enough to love each other a lot. Because there are loves that hurt and people who, although they love, love badly.
Thus, for the commitment to someone to be satisfactory, happy and lasting we need, above all, that there is good communication. Being able to reach agreements and have an emotional connection is, in many cases, a guarantee of success.
Now, since we do not always find the right person, it is important in all cases to realize who deserves time , effort and affection and who does not. There are many who, for example, are not fully aware that this daily contempt is a form of abuse .
Moreover, there are many who do not want to accept at all that if my partner speaks badly to me, it is very likely that he is in an abusive relationship. Let’s know more features.
What are the signs of abusive communication?
As scientific studies reveal , such as the one carried out at Case Western University in Cleveland (United States), between 50 and 80% of people have suffered emotional abuse at some point. Abusive communication and being talked down to is a recurring feature. It manifests itself with the following signs:
- He makes fun of you.
- Make judgmentsabout yourself without understanding you.
- He reacts badly, almost without knowing why he responds with insults and aggression.
- Any conversation ends in discussion and yelling.
- It makes use of irony, of sarcasm that hurts. He does not hesitate to ridicule you in front of others.
- Communicates without empathy.
- It makes you feel guilty.
- His communication style seeks to dominate and undervalue you.
How to act when my partner speaks badly to me?
Research papers , such as those carried out at the Faculty of Psychology of the University of Georgia (United States) show us that good communication guarantees satisfaction in the relationship . Now, as we have pointed out before, apart from affection and good dialogue, we need to address other factors, such as emotional ones.
In this way, when my partner speaks badly to me, it is essential not to let it go and get in touch with self-esteem and emotional balance. Any little embarrassment has its effect; pain, discomfort and unhappiness arise. How to act, then, in these cases?
What is behind that aggressive communication?
It is always appropriate to know what motivates that way of communicating with our partner. Are you going through a difficult time? Can’t manage anxiety or stress?
Sometimes factors such as problems at work or unresolved personal trauma are behind the aggressiveness. It is important to always know what is behind the behavior. However, sometimes it may not be something specific. Sometimes we can be faced with a personality style accustomed to this type of behavior.
It is important to track down what is behind aggressive communication. What happens to the other to raise the tone and behave like this?
Assertive attitude: what I expect from you and what I cannot allow
When my partner speaks badly to me, I can’t let it go . In case of not responding, the abuse will continue and even increase. It is therefore necessary to act assertively and make these aspects clear.
We must specify what word, expression, comment or conversation has hurt us. We will ask that this type of behavior not be repeated, giving examples of what we expect: respect, understanding, empathy, complicity, being heard, being able to reach agreements.
Make a decision if my partner speaks badly to me
Bad words hurt as much as a blow or a wound. Aggressive communication is psychological abuse and, therefore, we cannot and should not tolerate it . In case our partner does not change his attitude and continues to speak badly to us, we must make a decision.
A timely departure from a bond that hurts, saves self-esteem and dignity. We will not tolerate the intolerable. Authentic love does not hurt and, above all, communicates with respect using a good emotional connection. Let’s keep it in mind.
