Divorces are on the agenda. In some cities there are more divorces than weddings . This is a serious issue, as it is more important than perhaps society today understands. This has an impact on future generations: the children of these couples.
Many talk about how it affects children, of any age, are affected by living in a home where father and mother fight, and even beat each other. They even claim that it affects them more than their parents’ divorce.
In view of this type of statement, I think that several fundamental aspects to fulfill the premise can be lost sight of.
These fundamental aspects will be described in detail below.
1 Respect between parents
When it comes to divorce, it is usually because you reach a point where there is no return. Disrespect, fundamental disagreements, and deep wounds that they often attribute to each other. These wounds come from far back, and stand out in the vulnerability of the couple relationship.
What is important to note is that they were unable to sustain the couple relationship, and there is a strong and painful break; this makes it difficult, in general, for dialogue and a respectful relationship after divorce. This will bring the children, as a consequence, a deep confusion , where they will not be able to integrate their personality.
The feud between parents will remain as an internal feud in their feelings, beliefs and decisions. Ideally, parents’ relationship after divorce should be cordial and supportive for their children’s well-being . However, the couple experiences anger, intolerance towards each other, which culminates in separation. This prevents the harmonious relationship between the parents. This is an important element to take into account in the search for the well-being of all, especially the most vulnerable: children .
2 Parental commitment
When there is a family, there are many bonds between the members of that family. Concretizing and focusing between the man and the woman, who found the family, everything starts with the couple bond. Then, when they become parents, the relationship grows. Now there is also another relationship, that of parents. For many couples, it is difficult to separate the two.
Why is it important? When the divorce occurs, the couple bond is broken, but the parental bond must remain for the benefit of the children, as I mentioned in the previous point. For what? So that both can be in a harmonious dialogue and the children can flow from the home of one, to the home of the other without problems. It allows them to support each other in the face of their children’s adversities, or even each other to support their children in emergencies. And thinking about the future, this will make it possible for both of you to be present on your children’s important dates such as graduations, religious events, and seeing even further, your wedding, grandchildren events, etc.
The harsh reality
The breakup of the couple should not imply, for any reason, the breakdown of emotional, material, and daily commitments to the children. Seeing for their needs and getting them attended to, without this implying a fight and discussion by the parents. Unfortunately it is not so. In general, the parent who goes usually seeks only to coexist for celebrations, and give the smallest amount of money possible. When leaving the couple commitment, they decrease or cancel the parental commitment.
3 Personal dignity
With the separation of the couple, there is an endless battle between them. When “ending” their life together, they cannot speak of the conflicts that were left unresolved. However, both will use their children to be able to fiercely attack their ex , through money, to stop or compel coexistence with their children.
Communication between parents is used to continue the war that did not end in divorce. In this crossfire, those who end up injured are the children. Without enough emotional support, with a hostile environment each time they have to come and go with either parent.
Usually, one of the parents ends up with a greater burden, sometimes economic, sometimes with the daily responsibilities that it requires to raise the children, sometimes with both. And in this imbalance of responsibilities, children lose their parents , since they are involved in stress and obligations that only allow them to “survive”. This is not a quality of life. This undermines the dignity of human beings in their primary stages of formation and growth.
With this, many can read and think: “then should we stay in relation to the force in favor of the children’s well-being? My answer is no. But, if you want to overcome the adversities you face as a couple, seek therapy.
Although you get a divorce, you still seek therapy. There is a solution that goes beyond the result of getting married or divorcing: personal work. Without it, it won’t matter if you’re still married, or divorced. The war will not end, as it is an internal war to be won.
By earning it, you can look at your children, look at their needs. You can support your parental commitment. This will allow you to treat your children’s father or mother with respect. In addition to being your partner or not. You will understand how important love is, to yourself, and to being with whom you had your children. Here’s the key.
Only then will you be able to love your child completely, when you can love and respect the piece that you take in yourself, and that of your other parent. Here is the challenge: to love our children fully