We have heard few men talking about their emotions, especially if they refer to their difficulties in life. We often criticize them . We see men getting drunk, isolated, addicted to gambling, or rough and cold. But have we tried to put ourselves in your shoes?
Some problems they may be experiencing are as follows:
Professional / financial difficulties
In general, the man is still expected to financially support his family, to earn more than his wife – if she works. It is a huge pressure.
To support a family, attending to all their financial needs, nowadays, and it is an almost impossible task. However, they may be holding a spending bomb in their hands, without saying a word about it . For some, it is practically impossible to ask for help.
Social difficulties
Some men are constantly being charged for work and popularity, as well as alpha males, who must be pack leaders. However, some have other characteristics or experiences. They don’t like that kind of charge. This sometimes leads them to question their masculinity.
It can even make it difficult to live with other men, including women. Especially when they are in conventional social groups where they “should” act like men. And it can vary in the different social demands they are given, like drinking, or gambling or being a conqueror, and so on.
Emotional difficulties
One of the main reasons for the criticisms I have heard against men is for their inability to speak or hear about emotional issues. However, it is the silence they must adhere to, as it is socially expected, which makes it difficult for them to do so.
“Men don’t complain, they don’t cry” , as they say. They are required to be strong, to protect their loved ones. And they are condemned to suffer in silence, where it is not pertinent for a man to show feelings. Joy is also denied them. “Don’t laugh like that, it looks like a scandalous girl”, I heard a boy being scolded.
It seems that the only thing they are moderately allowed to do is to be angry to defend territory or people. But then, don’t they feel other things? Of course yes! However, the parameters that define the masculinity does not allow them to have these feelings.
In fact, pathologies in men tend to be more fulminating, since they accumulate too much . Examples of this are suicide (conditions that lead to it) or a heart attack. That is why it is important to start turning your ears, your heart and your eyes to what men may be living in silence.
“Sexual” difficulties
As I said earlier, being a “conqueror” can be one of the demands that is made of men. However, some do not agree with this idea. They view their sexuality differently, but the social pressure that they must exercise masculinity in a conventional way is great.
This can have serious repercussions on your self-esteem and the ability to relate to people who are of interest to you. In addition, if he receives what is now known as “bullying”, he may experience sexual difficulties.
Difficulties in exercising new roles, such as fatherhood
The stereotypes of man do not include aspects that are fundamental in caring for another living being, such as tenderness, empathy, kindness. Being able to handle the care of a baby, in the case of parenthood , or of the elderly – grandparents or parents – requires these skills that were generally denied to boys and could not be developed.
“Playing with dolls is for girls”, they said. And sometimes they were also forced to do cruel acts to animals to demonstrate their masculinity . All of this goes against, when it comes to caring for another being. These roles, and so many others, can be difficult for men when faced with these challenges.
Let’s reflect
It is clear that times are changing and that now it is not as drastic as before. However, there are still subtle traces of all these messages that prevent men from developing fully. It is important to begin to detect them in ourselves.
These beliefs, ideas, sayings that we sometimes throw at our male loved ones – brothers, friends, children, partners, including our father. How many relationships do we have with men around us who are still affected by these ideas that we don’t realize we have?
In short, man’s self-image can easily decline and, therefore, his self-esteem. So it is necessary to ask again what is the meaning of being a man. What is our experience with men. What we would like to foster, treat ourselves and others differently. Being able to make an inner change today, to be able to make it out, in our interpersonal relationships.
To re-treat ourselves with this acceptance of the other’s experience. Finally, the essential, to be a human being connected with himself and with the world. Connect us from a bond of respect and love.
