There is a wonderful saying that says: “Until the thunder strikes, the man will not cross himself.”
Indeed, most people understand that they need to work on themselves when life is nailed to the wall. Some take on a healthy lifestyle when they hear the disappointing prognosis of doctors. Others begin to reconsider their behavior if loved ones turn away.
Of course, there are situations when a person clearly knows what he wants from life, makes plans for how to work on himself – independently or with a psychologist. He purposefully goes towards the goal, overcoming all the difficulties on the way, in the end to become stronger. But there are not many such lucky ones. One can recall many famous historical figures who, in fact, through their long hard work, made their own name, for example, D.I. Mendeleev, S.A. Yesenina, D.S. Likhachev and many others. However, a simple person (such as you and I) is rarely inspired by the example of at least one of the listed people, is not it? We have too separated ourselves from such comparisons.
Which leads a person to the need to work on himself
What makes a person look at himself, at his actions, bad habits in a different way? Life itself, which daily shows colorful examples: “Work on yourself, otherwise you will not achieve anything.” When we understand that time is inexorably running out, but so little has been done, and we want so much, we begin to think. There are thoughts that you need to work on yourself, fight weaknesses, set goals and strive to fulfill them.
Often health leads us to the need for self-correction: when a person drank and smoked and faced problems with the cardiovascular system, it was time to clutch at the mind. Sometimes external circumstances contribute to changes – a low-paid job does not bring satisfaction, a person cannot buy what he wants. Then he begins to look for another place, seeks to get an education, makes useful contacts.
The kick from fate in the vast majority of cases serves as a trigger signal that responds in our minds: “Work on yourself or not!”
Will I be able to cope with the problems myself?
There is another good saying in this regard, which says: “One is not a warrior in the field.” At a certain stage of life, any person needs support, compassionate attention, a reliable shoulder. To whom to turn for advice, when the need is ripe for changes in life and work on yourself, you decide for yourself.
· You can trust a friend.
Who will listen, tell, cheer up. Just do not confuse a friend with a colleague or acquaintance, for whom your situation is an occasion to “rub the bones”, and do not impose your vision on anyone with the aim of luring him to a joint start.
· Or resort to the help of specialists.
The sensible master (coach, psychologist) will teach “proper” self-digging. Having visited the trainings, a person can not only see the problem, but also learn how to work on himself correctly, fruitfully, what areas to pay special attention to, what mechanisms to use, where to look for strength and resources for change. It is important that the master has confidence, that this person is pleasant, does not cause internal rejection.
· Communication with like-minded people helps a lot.
For example, a woman decided to lose weight. Naturally, at first it’s not easy to give up sweets, night snacks, watching TV shows on your favorite couch (instead of visiting the gym). Perhaps, those who wish to lose weight will come to the aid of a losing weight. Where to find them? Anywhere – in the same gyms, in groups of social networks, on forums. It is psychologically easier to accept changes when there are specific examples of the achievements of people with your problem, they inspire and help you find solutions. Look for such examples on the Web. By the way, the same support group can be found in collective trainings, where people come, driven by the goal to understand themselves and change.
· Go yourself.
But sometimes a person has to go on his own along the difficult road to the desired. And the lack of support from the outside is not a reason to abandon the idea of working on oneself in order to achieve more. If a thought appeared in my head about the need for changes in life, then a small step towards victory has already been taken.
How to start working on yourself
Suppose you decide to change something in yourself – a habit, bad qualities. Or maybe you are not satisfied with some of the details in life – the absence of a second half, dissatisfaction with work. You can start building a life that satisfies you by following these points:
1. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.
Understand that whining does not actually lead to anything. Those close, of course, can feel sorry for you, listen to you, but the problems will not disappear. So you not only harass others, but just crush the water in the mortar. Although the minutes spent on complaints can be used much more productively.
2. Try to turn problems into tasks.
For example, you think your character is terrible. On the one hand, this is a problem; on the other, the task is to become more balanced, calmer and more patient. Or you have an alcohol problem. She, too, can be retrained into the task of starting to lead a sober lifestyle. Cheer up, almost every mistake can be corrected if you wish. And to begin to do this should be a change in attitude to the situation.
3. Stop considering yourself a failure.
Sometimes we say to ourselves the words: “I won’t succeed, I just won’t manage.” Naturally, after that I don’t want to do anything, because we have condemned ourselves to failure with just one phrase. It’s better to say: “I will try!”. There are no people in nature who can do everything — minutes of weakness, bad habits, and shortcomings for everyone. What are you worse than others ?.
4. Look at yourself from the side.
It is not easy to honestly assess your weaknesses and advantages if you are not used to seeing the good in yourself. Take a piece of paper where you write down all your minuses and pluses. And then think about it, maybe some negative aspects can be transformed, if not into virtues, then at least especially your character?
For example, those around you blame you for lack of communication, indifference, coldness, indifference. But is this not your feature? Your reluctance to flaunt emotions does not bother you in life, but, on the contrary, helps you focus and not commit rash acts.
5. Create a work plan for yourself.
You need to start looking for goals and paths that will lead to success. Moreover, the task should be as specific as possible, and even more specifically divided into sub-tasks. Not just “I want to be rich and famous”, but “I want to get an economic education, learn English, find a good job in the field of finance with a salary of 100 thousand rubles, upgrade my qualifications, rise to position …”. If you have a goal to start a healthy lifestyle, write down in the plan all the points that will lead to the dream: “go to bed no later than 11 pm, do a 15-minute exercise in the morning after a contrast shower, eat oatmeal instead of sandwiches for breakfast …). Constantly having a clear plan in front of your eyes, it will be easier for you to focus on its points and thus deliberately go to your plan.
6. Do not depart from the plan points.
A person working on himself will achieve victory if he does not put things off. Decided to change yourself – start now. Believe me, tomorrow or in a week, you also don’t want to do a morning run (refuse a cigarette in favor of, for example, an apple or put yourself in order instead of watching the series).
7. Enlist the support of comrades (friends, colleagues, relatives).
Share the news that you started working on yourself with a pleasant person. Perhaps he will give useful advice, suggest something from his experience. However, stay away from scoffers (those who perceive your endeavors with evil irony). Better read a book or take a walk alone with your thoughts.
8. Do not give up reminders.
Sometimes people are really helped, for example, by notes with cribs (“at 12 you need to do 20 squats, at 14 drink a glass of juice, at 16 go for a walk”). Use a phone, a cross on your hand, or a sticker on your computer for reminders. It is sometimes difficult to store everything in the head. Such reminders will serve as an incentive for you not to turn off the chosen path.
9. Find practical meaning in the change.
If reshaping yourself is really worth a bone in the throat, unfortunately, you will soon get tired of everything. Try to see something truly interesting and useful in your new life. For example, your drawback is aggression. You are diligently silent at work, even if you’ve gotten sick, and at home relieve stress with a glass or two (or come off at home). In other words, breaking yourself. But if you think about it when you become a calm and friendly person, there will be many advantages. You will become a pleasant conversationalist, people will be more willing to come to the rescue, loved ones will be able to share their secrets with you. Continuing the usual way of life, you increase discontent, ruin your health and spoil your relationship with others.
How to stay on track by starting work on yourself
If you are thinking about how to work on yourself, then you are already on the right track. Now do not allow yourself to fly away from the intended plan. Whether you call a specialist or a friend for help or act alone is not so important. The main thing is to strive for a designated point on the way. At the same time, it is not at all necessary to set ambitious plans for yourself – so you are more likely to be exhausted. Outline a small business, but do it as productively as possible. Suppose daily runs of 15 minutes are more fruitful than a one-time marathon for 5 kilometers. Do not give slack, do not spare yourself. Understand that only you can change your life. And believe in yourself, you will certainly succeed.