There is nothing more painful than a breakup because it is usually unwanted or at least difficult to live with.
But when it does, it happens for a reason. After all, a happy and healthy relationship wouldn’t have ended.
And once you’ve come to terms with that, there’s one important thing left to do: move on from an ex.
You see, a lot of the pain you feel during a breakup is n’t about the other person, but the fantasy you’ve created in your mind about them and the relationship.
Often times you don’t miss him, but you miss who you would like him to be.
Because if you’re honest with yourself, you don’t want the relationship to come back as it was, but you want a changed, improved, and more peaceful relationship.
One where things turn out as you hoped. But this relationship never existed.
But how do you get out of a relationship when it still hurts?
While time doesn’t heal all wounds, it really does help if you use the time to follow a few practical steps. Here’s how you can be intentional about your healing process, move forward with your life, and learn to feel good again.
5 tips on how to leave your ex.
1. Avoid comparisons
When things aren’t working out with your ex, it’s very easy to start comparing your life now to your life with them.
You are tempted to look at their social networks to see if they are happy. And then you create a fake narrative in your head of all the reasons their life is so much better than yours and how you don’t seem to miss them.
But as we know, “comparison is the thief of joy”. There is no winner or loser in a breakup. Because you are both in pain to some extent and you treat him differently.
Therefore, comparing how you deal with grief to what he does won’t help you leave your ex-boyfriend, but you will get stuck.
If you really want to overcome it, you have to stop comparing.
- Stop comparing your life as a single woman to your life as a couple
- Stop comparing his climax reel (if you’re still stalking him on SM) to your backstage
- And most importantly, stop comparing yourself to his new girlfriend (if he already has one)
2. Forgive him
Going through a break is ab * $% #! It doesn’t matter who breaks up with whom it always stings and often drives you crazy.
If you broke up with him, you are angry that he could not meet your expectations . And if he breaks up with you, you are angry because you tried to meet his expectations.
No matter what the circumstances, there is always underlying pain, resentment, and anger. And in order to leave your ex, you need to acknowledge him, let him go, and then forgive him for the pain he caused.
Yes girl you heard me right. You have to forgive him.
Not for him, but for yours. You have to forgive him so that you can let go of that baggage, heal, and move on with your life.
But how do you forgive your ex for what he did?
By putting yourself in his shoes and genuinely connecting to the fact that just like you, he is an imperfect human being. For this, I use a specific exercise:
- Like me, he finds out who he wants in his life.
- Like me, he’s afraid of making the wrong decision.
- Like me, he’s learning to love.
While doing this exercise, I realized that just like me, it didn’t have all the answers and didn’t mean any harm. It helped me to extend grace. I was able to accept that breaking up, like everything else in life, was nothing I could control but had to go through.
And once I could forgive, I was able to leave my ex-boyfriend and be happy for myself and for him.
3. Seek peace
If there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that breakups bring a lot of worry and anxiety. Especially if you are struggling with the fear of abandonment and find it hard to believe that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
This is why I suggest you stop looking for the end of the tunnel and find peace in the dark instead.
As Philippians 4: 7 says:
And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
When you tap into God’s peace and remember that He is in control of your life , staying calm in uncertainty becomes easier.
Look for the little things in your daily life that remind you of his presence and give you a sense of peace. It could be your family, your home, or your job.
4. Invest in your relationship with yourself
One of the best things I did after I broke up that helped me leave my ex was to dive into this blog.
Because this blog is primarily about dating, relationships, and being single, I’ve spent a lot of time learning the psychology and behavioral science behind love, coming closer to God, and studying His Word.
It was a very trying but beautiful time.
Ultimately, understanding myself better and why God broke my relationship helped me truly accept that the relationship was over.
Investing in the relationship with yourself outside of a man helps you detach your identity from him and get to know yourself better.
You become more aware of your needs and wants and how you can meet them. The whole point of leaving an ex is to gain clarity and understand what to do differently the next time you enter a relationship.
5. Break the Soul Bond
I believe that we make emotional bonds and spiritual connections with the people in our life who have had a great impact on us. And depending on how close you two are, that soul bond can be hard to break .
But you have to.
Because unless you sever the soul bond you run the risk of having an emotional reaction every time something happens in your life.
That is why you must actively remove its presence from your life. It means getting rid of any reminders of it.
Throw away the photos, block him on social media, and let his family know that you’re away for a while.
Most importantly, don’t allow him to join you either.
This stage may take a few weeks, months, or even a year, but in the end you will find that you don’t suffer from an extreme emotional reaction every time his name pops up and you are ready to move on and be. happy without your ex boyfriend.
How to move forward and be happy
I’m not even going to face it, as I write this I listen to Snoh Aalegra to really connect with my heart.
See, I’m (finally) on my ex. And believe me when I tell you it took a long time to get here.
But to give you the raw truth about how to move on from your ex, I had to take extreme measures and connect with the pain of the breakup.
I know what it’s like to break up with someone you thought was that one , especially if you still love them. But I also understand how important it is to let someone go in order to find happiness with someone else.
To move forward and be happy, you have to trust that God can provide new love. Not just any love, but the kind of love you want and the future husband for whom you have prayed .
In every piece of advice I share, I always remind you, ladies, to let go of the scarcity mindset we are so used to and embrace an abundance mindset instead.
And here’s how.
Look for love
Surround yourself with people who embody the love you seek. It is very hard to believe that there is real love if you have never seen it. You will wonder if it exists and if it is available to you.
But if you make an effort to surround yourself with healthy couples, it will be much easier to believe in love. You can befriend couples in church or visit family members who have been married for some time.
And if you don’t have access, search for couples online. Many godly couples have YouTube channels and online ministries where they share their journey.
Start a manifestation practice
I am an absolute fan of the event. I believe we have the power to co-create our lives with God by being intentional about what we envision, talk about, and draw into our lives. From business to vacation, to love.
Because the truth is, if you are unintentional in your life, you will have to take what life gives you. And it’s often lemons.
There are many ways to start the protest. You can journal, script, visualize, or use other tools to tap into your deepest desires.
Whatever works for you, practice it and watch the good things come to fruition.