Self-esteem is totally dependent on the knowledge you have about yourself and the way you evaluate yourself from your thoughts, behaviors, emotions, ideals and beliefs. Sigmund Freud described it as the individual’s awareness of himself, to put it another way: it represents knowledge of his value system.
However, it is not only made up of your idea of yourself, but also of the way you interpret other people’s judgment of yourself. The image he builds of himself is formed by the subject’s interaction in different social spaces and by the affective relationships that he constitutes throughout his life. Therefore, it will be a positive or negative view of the perception that it makes of its physical and psychological characteristics.
Self-love: living consciously, self-acceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertion, intentionality, personal integrity
As proposed by psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden in his book “ Self-esteem and its six pillars ”, self-esteem is composed of six factors.
- To live consciously: it is to be at peace with mistakes made in the past, without bearing heavy guilt, because you are aware that these mistakes led you to maturity and brought lessons of learning, which allows you to make less mistakes and make smarter decisions. Being awake to your emotions and actions in the face of everyday situations.
- Self-acceptance:Every individual has personality characteristics that are admirable and others that we would like to change to become someone better, but having the awareness that we are in the process of development and accepting our virtues and defects in an integral way, always seeking to improve is the way for self-acceptance, having the most understanding and empathic look at us is essential.
- Self-responsibility:It is to realize that we have the power to act on our lives and to assume this responsibility, not to outsource to others the role of making you happy, and to make decisions that concern your life, not to put yourself in the position of victim of all circumstances. Because that way you don’t feel capable of taking an attitude of change, self-responsibility is taking active control of your existence.
- Self-affirmation:It means knowing what your values are and staying true to them, affirming your desires, opinions and rights, even in the face of group pressure, which intimidates you and makes you feel insecure. Not with the intention of forcing others to agree with your way of thinking, but to show that you are also worthy of having your speech space, your uniqueness deserves respect and you are comfortable being as you are.
- Intentionality:It is achieved through self-knowledge, because a clarity of purpose is acquired, from the discovery of your tastes and intentions in life. Our conscience is always intentional , because it is directed towards an object or objective, our beliefs, thoughts, desires, desires, are always about something.
- Personal integrity:It is to live according to what you preach, to practice what you say; to have daily confidence in yourself, because you are sure that you act in a manner consistent with what you say.
Habits that may be damaging your self-esteem
The fault is the biggest villain of our self-esteem, it follows from the ruminations of our thoughts which are to criticize and judge each failure attitude. Be kinder and more understanding with your mistakes, practice forgiveness, accept your humanity, your imperfection, and act in line with your values, be sincere with your feelings.
Nowadays with social media the comparison has been established as something common, this process occurs unconsciously. We often compare aspects of our lives with those of people we know, who are in a privileged position; from this comes the feeling of unhappiness, incapacity, we are down, thinking that we are worthless and that all people are better than us.
We must not compare our reality with a false image that is sold to us, each one has his own trajectory, we must look with gratitude at what we have and celebrate our small achievements.
Habits for building self-esteem
Given the knowledge of what it means to have a good self-esteem it is necessary to put some attitudes into practice in your routine.
- We should only seek self-knowledge when we establish an intimate relationship with us, placing awareness on our lights (capacities) and shadows (thoughts and habits that we want to change), we can truly accept the beauty of being unique and special.
- Recognizing the possibility of changing aspects that we don’t like about ourselves, without the heavy judgment of our faults, as we are all constantly developing and practicing acceptance of what cannot be changed.
- Direct your focus to your qualities and successes, vibrating with each personal achievement, because in this way, the things we pay more attention to tend to grow.
- Learn to say no, when it is not your will to do something, respect your desire. It is not because you have been asked to leave that you are obliged to accept, if you are, for example, busy, it is not your obligation to put your things aside to please the other. In the work environment you don’t have to do something that is not within your duties just to please a colleague. Abandon the need to always have to please the other and leave their needs in the background, no one can please everyone no matter how hard they try.
- Adopt self-care attitudes, such as introducing healthy eating, practicing physical activities, taking time to take care of your appearance, investing in healthy hobbies such as watching a movie, reading books, talking with friends, do something that involves pleasure in your day to relieve tension.
- Be forgiving to yourself when you make a mistake, as it will serve as a learning experience to avoid future mistakes, think if you were a dear friend going through a complicated situation, in which you made a mistake, think: “would I judge you or would you be understanding and kind?”,And so practice this same kindness with yourself.