Deficiency: how can it affect your life?

What is a grace period?

Our feelings are often surprising to us, especially the way we go through them and how we view life from the point of view of those feelings. It is true that we all have needs that are expressed in different ways: some want to talk, want to be heard, welcomed, want a sincere look, a good conversation. However, each of us, based on our history, will express this differently. Many people wonder about what is affective lack and how it manifests itself in our life and can be perceived.

The concept of lack itself is related to the lack or deprivation of something, in this case, we are talking about lack or deprivation of affection. Fear, especially of loneliness and abandonment, may be the result of this emotional deficiency, or even come from emotional abandonment. Sometimes, without realizing it, these facts lead us to harmful relationships and attachments in many situations.

Illustrative photo: Wesley Almeida /

Human nature leads us to dependence, because we were born in need of food and care, both physical and affective, however, the experiences throughout our development will define whether or not we have our emotional independence.

Unlike lack, affective independence (which has nothing to do with selfishness or individualism) allows us to be firm in choosing and deciding, to have autonomy in taking care of ourselves, as well as taking responsibility for our successes and mistakes.

You can perceive yourself as an emotionally needy person if:

  • he expects too much from people and always needs someone to support him and around, so that he feels safe;
  • it needs the approval of others to make its choices; necessarily needs emotional support;
  • he feels an emotional emptiness that seems to be filled only by contact with other people, to the point of being unable to do anything unaccompanied.

Dependent affective choices are not always conscious and clear to those who experience this. Dependencies can happen with things, goals, drugs, games, reaching people and friendly words. Affective dependence causes us to seek support and protection, externally, to support the problems experienced in relationships and social situations. We are human and we are effectively influenced all the time. It is worth remembering that, as social beings that we are, we will effectively be influenced and influence all the time, and that is part of our nature.

Read more:
:: The difference between love gestures and affective need
:: Is there a cure for affective need and self-rejection? :: How to work the needs :: Affective needs and their causes

How can I change this picture?

In order for us to change, when we realize that we are dependent, it is necessary that we establish limits in our relationships and understand that, many times, we experience a denial of the facts and the illusion of living in fantasy situations.

The change will come when we are able to take responsibility for managing our needs, attitudes, emotions and behaviors, whether positive or not, realizing the experiences of anger, fear, shame, guilt and, therefore, committing, therefore, to with the change.

For many, being alone seems terrifying, but it is healthy that we can live with ourselves and with our emotions, silencing, perceiving our reactions. Living in a collective environment moves us, we are gregarious, that is, we live in groups, however, if we cannot take a step without approval or support, it is very likely that we will be emotionally needy.

We can compare emotional deprivation with hunger: once we are hungry, it seems that everything tastes better and that we are going to eat much more than necessary. However, all excess suffocates and is bad. The affective deprivation we experience can lead us to seek reinforcement in an attachment too much and, therefore, it is always necessary to review our form of relationship with the other.


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