No one can deny that the announcement of the arrival of their first child is news that fills both the couple and the rest of the family with joy. The same is true of the other children who arrive. They are joy and love, certainly bring the will to fight to lead the whole family forward.
But the reality is that children also mean less time to be with their spouse, sacrifice, tiredness, a huge investment of money in each of them. Concerns that did not exist before and a series of other aspects that parents become aware of throughout their life as a couple.
Yes, having children is a bonus for marriage, and it is also a responsibility that gradually redirects the focus of the partner’s attention to the children . The situation is that, if you are not prudent in allocating your time, you will end up deteriorating the marital relationship.
If you learn to balance the time you give your partner and children, things will not be as bad as they can be. So, taking into account the above, I will point out some ways in which your children can conflict with your relationship with your husband and the possible ways to resolve it.
- Become “first on the list”
Depending on the age of the children, this is the proportion of time they must dedicate to them. A baby may need more time than a 7 or 10 year old. However, among all childcare activities, there is still some time to talk to the partner.
The point is that taking care of children implicitly leads to parents’ exhaustion . It can get to such a point that you will not want more than to take a shower at night and pray that they sleep right up to 6 am, without then going to bed with you.
So that this does not happen, while the child is still a baby, you must learn to allocate your time. As they get bigger, they should be given more independence. With that, they will be able to reach an age where they will not demand from you even to be served a glass of water.
- They distance them
Believe it or not, children test everything that parents are willing to do for them. That is how they put you to the test, and if you notice that one of you has a more special connection with the other than with them, what you are going to do is absorb this attention from the preferred parent, to be preferred over your partner.
The problem is that if you give up exclusive ground to your child’s demands, and prefer them over your spouse, the couple relationship will break down.
Why would I do that? Because if the least favorite parent scolds and tries to impose discipline, the other – more valued – will intervene so that the discipline is not so strict or the child is scolded. This will put them at odds, a trap they should not fall into as parents . Both must agree on the education of children, and if there are setbacks about education, you should discuss them in private.
- Are your only point of attention
Even if we love them, it can sometimes be a little tiring to hear a person speak every minute of your child’s wonderful or tragic day. It is true that they can be proud of their achievements and goals, but children are not the only people in their lives, nor the only topic of conversation.
Be careful, as this can wear down the couple relationship a lot. If you notice that your only topic of conversation when you go out to eat or spend time together is your children, this should be taken as a warning sign.
Try to have different topics of conversation ; for example, the news, planning a trip, your goals, dreams and wishes. They are human beings, spouses and parents and not just parents, so they have the right to care about themselves and to fight for marital and personal happiness. After all, you, as a couple, have to be well for the family to function.
- They are present everywhere
This happens more than anything when they are small. It really shouldn’t be a problem because you know they are going to depend on you for a while. But that you don’t have time alone or in the bathroom? No, it can’t be like that.
Personally, I don’t agree with the idea of children sleeping with their parents ; I believe that this can cause many problems of dependence on children. It is okay to take your baby to his bed when he is sick to take care of him, but it is good that he sleeps in his own bed, even though they have the crib in the same room for a while.
The point is that this habit, in my view, until 3 or 4 years old makes children dependent. They will not be able to sleep if they are not with their parents, and so getting them to sleep in their own room will be increasingly difficult.
The point is that they get used to going to the double room to the point of even surprising them in an intimate moment. No parent wants that. But in addition, it kills passion because it robs them of intimacy.
Make sure that your children, from an early age, have their own room. The faster they learn to sleep alone, the better for everyone.
- Their whole world revolves around them
– “What do you have to do today?”
– “Pick up Dani at school, take her to lunch, since there is no time to go home, and then take her to her football game, wait for her there, because there is no sense coming home. We will be here around 6 pm, so I must help you with tasks and. Luckily. I will be able to sleep around 10 pm. Why do you ask? ”
– “Um, I thought it would be a good idea to go to the cinema, but there’s no time.”
This happens often with many couples. Your life revolves around your children and their lives, while yours is relegated to second place. Soon the problems of disloyalty come, but it is both their fault, because they have not learned to allocate time or give themselves the space they deserved.
Your children are entitled to your childhood, just as you are entitled to your time together or alone . This would not have to be a problem.
The secret is that, since the arrival of the children, both outline a plan for distributing time and limits between dedication to children – who will need it at least until the age of 17 – and married life. If they reach an agreement, I assure you that they will be able to move forward with a full, stable and happy family.
