Should I contact my ex after breaking up?

After breaking up, many people still contact their ex in an attempt to maintain the relationship in this way to achieve the purpose of redemption, but the result is an embarrassing misunderstanding that completely consumes the remaining friendship. Should I still contact my ex after breaking up?

Of course it should. But my suggestion is: Since there is no way to look back, then be the “most familiar stranger” to each other.

What is the best contact mode for “ex-friends”?

Talking about things, keeping care and greetings low-frequency, and drawing a clear basic identity boundary, this is the greatest value for each other’s love, and it is also the best mentality to contact the ex.

The purpose of contact is not only to allow oneself to accept the identity of a former friend, but also to allow the other party to accept his identity as a friend. The goal of contact is not to delay or entangle each other.

Putting it another way, if you become a close friend with your predecessor at all times, this is also an act of disrespect for the incumbent, even if you don’t say anything, you will inevitably have grudges in your heart.

So becoming friends with your ex is actually a decent testimony to the breakup, but don’t keep in an unclear mode of contact with your ex just because of excessive pursuit of this “friend” relationship.

The result is likely to delay each other, and this awkward relationship has also become a potential hazard for each other’s secondary harm.

A sense of proportion and proper distance are the basic prerequisites for contacting your “ex” and becoming friends.

1. Can you contact your ex in a state of unwillingness?

In fact, many times the breakups between lovers are separated in an unclear way and reason.

The reason for this type of breakup is often not a certain unexpected event, but because one party’s disappointment is caused by the accumulation of daily trivia, and finally broke up through a daily trivia.

There are two unwilling mentalities for those who are broken up:

①Why did he break up with me first? Who did it wrong?

②This matter is not enough, why is she determined to break up with me?

Therefore, driven by this unwilling mentality, the parted party will use a frequent contact method to ask for the reason for the scorer.

But even if they get the answer they deserve, it is because of this unwilling mentality that causes the broken-up party to be unwilling to “emotionally broken”, so they often use a frequent harassment method to ask for forgiveness.

The results of it?

This will only intensify the active party’s sense of identification with the breakup. In the end, it is likely that they will ask you “Which is wrong”, and you will hesitate and be confused. This will intensify mutual disappointment.

If you want to recover, of course you have to contact your ex before the emotional chain is completely broken. But don’t let unwillingness drive you to stalker, you may end up in vain.

Therefore, if you want to contact each other, the premise is to figure out what is the reason for each other. Then analyze the channels and methods to solve the manual factors.

In this way, your rational and logical way of contact will make the other person feel that “the emotion of your breakup has been valued”, and the other person will be willing to re-establish contact with you.

The connection after the breakup is not to prove that your love is not cool, but to make each other’s feelings warm up again through the connection.

2. What is the time limit for contacting the other party for a true or false breakup?

  • For false breakups

The effective time of disconnection (30min~3days). The disconnection period of this time is not to let each other cold war, but to bring both parties back to a peaceful emotional state, and then re-examine the contradictions that lead to love.

In layman’s terms, it is to let each other “quell”, filter out the emotional impulse period, and then look back at the contradictions during the breakup.

Therefore, for a false breakup, you cannot rush to recover right after the breakup. It is very likely that the other party is in a period of excitement. Contacting the other party at this time can easily cause a second quarrel.

At the same time, you can’t stay out of contact with each other for too long. If each other is in a cold war mode, the other party is likely to think “Is he really not loving me anymore”. As the disappointment accumulates, the false breakup transitions to the true breakup.

I have to mention that if the false breakup period is too long, it is easy for a third party to get involved in each other’s emotions.

  • For the true nature of the breakups

The disconnection period of a true breakup is usually (3~21days), and during this period, if you want to save your relationship, you don’t want you to sit back and wait for the other person to turn back, but take the initiative to make changes and save yourself through reconnection Image.

For a true breakup, if the other party is already rational and calm about breaking up, there is a high probability that they will not take the initiative to contact you.

If you want to redeem it, you have to understand the truth: a connection without self-change will undoubtedly increase the resistance and disgust of the other person to yourself, so the first thing to do before contacting is “self-remodeling”.

To put it bluntly, the other party may be determined to talk about breaking up with you because of one of your shortcomings, but if you don’t take the initiative to make a change, what reason can the other party use to convince yourself to be with you again?

“Only if you have enough dazzling capital can the other party have enough courage to turn back.”

When you achieve a better and better self after breaking up, you will have enough confidence and capital when you actively contact the other party. Otherwise, contacting the other party with a gesture of weakness will only cause the other party to think that “breaking up with him was really a correct choice in the first place.”

3. What are the bottom lines and principles for contacting your predecessor?

In the following ways to break up, it is not recommended that you contact the other party, nor is it recommended to accept the other party’s contact:

① The reason for breaking up is caused by the other party’s principled problems, such as derailment, domestic violence, and other memories of your predecessors who have caused harm and shadow to your body and mind.

②I have no nostalgia for this relationship, but the other party still pursues you in a stalker manner. Disconnecting is the best way to let the other party give up.

③The other party is currently in love, but still wants to keep high-frequency contact with you.

④ The purpose of the other party contacting you is to treat you as a potential spare tire and back.

Therefore, in the face of the above situations, it is not recommended to contact your predecessor, because contact brings too much risk and damage, so disconnection often becomes the best choice to protect yourself without harming the other party.

4. How to make effective contact if you want to compound?

Before contacting the other party, we must first put two mindsets in place: natural and flat.

  • Unnatural and compound-purpose contact with your ex will stimulate the opponent’s self-defense mechanism. After you detect your strong sense of need, the opponent’s response will become cold and even black.
  • Contacting your ex in a non-level position and using a “lick” method, you are likely to put yourself into the ranks of the spare tire from the perspective of yourself, often because you have spent time and energy, but the other party does not want to take the initiative to contact you The desire to stay in touch.

Therefore, we must know how to establish a communication network and gradually establish a sense of topic.

After the breakup, our biggest advantage is that we were affectionate with each other, so we should start with the sense of consensus in the memory, and cause the other side to empathize without leaving a trace.

Don’t hide your sense of expression, and rekindle the spark of love from common memories.

For example, “Where is the delicious hot pot you told me before?”

“I have a cat. Do you know how cats should train Laba Ba”.

“My stomach feels sick again recently. What is the name of the medicine you bought me?” (Remember to take it when you see it, don’t talk long)

If you are actively breaking up, you will undoubtedly hint to the other party that you can get to know me again, and the other party will be more willing to contact you actively.

If you are the parted party, this kind of topical contact will allow the communication environment to hide the purpose without pressure, so that you can easily open up the current awkward chat situation and allow each other to better re-accept each other.

Don’t chat too deeply at the beginning, this will cause the other side’s vigilance. From the perspective of a friend, start with simple daily topics and talk about the changes in your life after the breakup. In this way, the other party will not be resisted, and it can also stimulate the other party’s interest in chatting.

At the same time, in the process of chatting, you must know how to avoid the negative personality and image before breaking up, and how to optimize and reorganize your current love attitude and image, so as to gradually let the other party form a new view of you.

Remember that the purpose of contact is not to maintain the relationship, but to create a second attraction by contacting the other party, and then to shape a new relationship.

 

by Abdullah Sam
I’m a teacher, researcher and writer. I write about study subjects to improve the learning of college and university students. I write top Quality study notes Mostly, Tech, Games, Education, And Solutions/Tips and Tricks. I am a person who helps students to acquire knowledge, competence or virtue.

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