The indifference is a feeling that hurts. He sends a painful message to the recipient: “I don’t care about you”. This incomprehensible apathy causes us anguish and fear. We started to elaborate reasons to explain the insensitivity of the other, but we cannot always find a good enough explanation.
What to do, then, in the face of this behavior? How can we not be carried away by the impassiveness of others?
What is indifference?
This feeling is associated with an insensitive and cold form of detachment. The indifferent individual does not care about the feelings of others. If his actions cause suffering , he doesn’t care. If they result in happiness , he doesn’t care either. That is, he is a person who appears to be a hollow shell unable to feel and be moved.
As human beings who live in society, we want to interact, feel, laugh, cry, talk, dream , fail, try again. It is the complete experience that makes life so exciting.
The indifferent person distances himself from practically all his experiences, consciously or unconsciously, because he cannot establish a concrete connection with them. This feeling is capable of stealing interest in life and people , and needs to be combated.
In the love relationship , indifference comes smoothly. It settles silently, but its results are chaotic. When this happens, many already begin to question whether it is worth insisting on or whether to move on. After all, how is it possible to be in a relationship with a person who doesn’t feel?
Indifference in relationships
Life is made up of good and bad times. The good ones become warm memories that, over the years, we like to relive. The bad ones cause us suffering and embarrassment. We try to forget them as quickly as possible, although it is easier to remember negative than positive occasions.
Under no circumstances is it healthy to react with indifference. Although this feeling can be useful at times, protecting us from unpleasant emotions that we still don’t know how to deal with, the wisest thing to do is to face negative situations head-on.
Relationships are also made up of moments of extreme happiness and fights and discontent. Apathy does not help to soften discussions or “teach a lesson” to the partner. On the contrary, it helps to create paranoia and distrust, in addition to making the other anxious in the absence of answers.
It is the feeling of being ignored that hurts. Suddenly, there is a distance between the couple that did not exist before, raising all sorts of questions about the longevity of the relationship. Has love finally ended? What did you do to receive this treatment? Who is to blame for this?
It is possible, even easy, to react to an accusation, an altered tone of voice or a disagreement. An indifferent partner, however, does not care about our retaliation. How to manage the emotional chasm that suddenly opened up between you?
How to deal with indifference without suffering?
For a relationship to acquire lasting status, it must be cultivated through constant dialogue , displays of affection and small silent agreements between the couple. For example, you accompany your partner on that barbecue he wants to go to and he watches that movie that you want to see at the cinema.
When the possibility of conversation is gone, the relationship is in a critical state . Therefore, communication is the first item on this list of ways to deal with this feeling that causes uncertainty , made especially to help you.
As much as the focus of this article is on loving relationships, these tips can be used with both family and friendship relationships . Any form of relationship needs maintenance to survive.
Start a conversation
It is possible that you have not noticed the small events that led to the current situation due to the hustle and bustle of everyday life and the common place where relationships tend to park with the coexistence of years.
Talk about what’s going on in the partner’s head is the best way to get rid of your suspicions. I already make it clear: it is possible that this conversation is not at all pleasant or simple.
It may be that your partner has kept months or even years of discontent with the relationship, as he did not have the courage to express his true emotions. Despite the possibility of suffering, talking about what is disturbing the relationship is the first step in finding the solution.
Modify small agreements
Perhaps the relationship needs small changes in order to find liveliness. If the current agreements are no longer working, whether due to changing interests or life goals, it is time to make new ones. This renewal is a way of paying attention to the partner’s needs as well as yours.
To do this, you need to be understandable and patient. New deals may involve different experiences than you are used to, but it’s always a good idea to give the new one a chance instead of refusing at first. The partner’s indifference can be motivated by several reasons and one of them can be the sameness of the routine.
We often let our emotions speak louder. They surround our mind in a cloud of desires and expectations that can blind us to reality.
When starting a relationship, we must be aware that the other person will not always return our feelings to the same degree or act as we expect. Otherwise, we run the risk of falling into disillusionment.
In such cases, one of the people may show a lack of interest. The communication again is necessary to understand the expectations of each other about the relationship to prevent future suffering.
Escape the blame
It is common in this situation to want to blame yourself for the coldness expressed by the partner. Many believe that the behavior of the other, within a relationship, is a response to their own. Thus, they attribute the fault of the partner’s indifferent conduct to something they have done and torture themselves for having made mistakes.
In relationships, sometimes we have attitudes that we don’t understand or can’t explain clearly. That’s because we tend to project childhood traumas , good and bad memories, yearnings and our own behaviors on others. What we do or what others do is not always “pure malice”.
Above all, we are imperfect people with their own neuroses who, if they are causing some kind of suffering, must be properly treated. Therefore, we should think less about looking for the guilty and more about taking responsibility for our actions .
The difference is in the feeling. When taking responsibility within the relationship, we feel the need for action, to fix mistakes and look for more positive paths. Guilt, on the other hand, is paralyzing and judgmental.
If there’s nothing to do, stay away
If you have tried everything to manage indifference and nothing has worked, consider moving away from the person. There is no point in being stuck in a relationship without feeling for comfort or convenience.
Living with an apathetic partner is tiring and overloads the emotional because we are always looking to please the other or resolve doubts regarding their feelings. Since we cannot control people, the best thing to do is to look for new love elsewhere.
Terminations are painful, but necessary for both your happiness and that of your partner. Do this in the most friendly way possible, without blame or blame, to protect your feelings. Do not hesitate, as time will eventually heal the wounds at the end of the relationship.
Affective need can be your enemy
The lack of affection has become a common problem of the twenty-first century. Many people end up clinging to others to fill the emotional void within them. Relationships can endure out of necessity rather than love , becoming an unhealthy source of affection .
When faced with indifference , the correct thing is to try to understand its origins and find solutions to awaken the dormant feelings within the relationship.
However, as we saw in the previous point, it does not always work. Sometimes two people are better apart, living their own lives and pursuing their own goals, than united in a relationship without love.
Affective lack can make you blind to this reality and try to convince you to insist on the relationship for fear of being alone or being rejected. So, if you feel that:
- You cannot live normally without your partner.
- You have to put up with impassivity because you won’t find another relationship if it doesn’t work out.
- It is better to stay in a bad relationship than to risk rejection.
It is possible that lack of affection is preventing you from leaving a relationship without a future , creating suffering through speculation, low self-esteem and fear.
If you have a hard time dealing with indifference in the relationship and believe that a little push will be beneficial, a psychologist can help you understand your feelings . In therapy , you can also understand the complexities of the mentality behind emotional deprivation.