Find out how to have a more fulfilling sex life by reading our tips!
When it comes to the bedroom, no one controls their tastes or their most instinctive gestures, but with our advice we are sure that you will be able to have a more fulfilling sex life!
We have all received advice on how to achieve the perfect orgasm , where to touch and where not, what to say and how to say it … We listen and read all kinds of advice to have an active, passionate and enjoyable sex life .
There is obviously no one-size-fits-all recipe to please everyone in bed , however there are a few things to keep in mind. Specifically, expert sex therapist Tammy Nelson speaks in The Good Men Project of
“five secrets to good sex that are valid for heterosexual, gay, young, adult, married, cohabiting or single couples”.
Now it’s up to you to play to find the key to satisfying sexuality , and start enjoying good sex!
1. Communicating during sex (with or without words)
When we have sex, we try to establish a different form of communication with the other person. We don’t refer to phrases like “where do we go for dinner?” or “how was your day?”. As Nelson explains:
“sex improves dramatically when you can tell your partner what you want in bed.” Nobody can read our thoughts or know where we like to be touched or kissed.
Saying what turns us on can help both partners be more relaxed and, of course, get more pleasure, but of course you also need to know how and when to say it. “For some people, talking during sex can also be a distraction,” explains the therapist. We can use contact, looks, touch and, of course, movement to speak without using words.
Another tip: transform negative messages like “I hate it when you drool on my neck” into positive messages through which we communicate what we like: “I like it when you bite my ear”. The goal is to make the other person understand what we don’t like, and what drives us crazy.
2. We anticipate with pleasure
Although it is very common to think that the best sex is that which occurs spontaneously, Nelson categorically denies it. It is not necessary to sketch or write in a notebook “the strategies” that will be implemented on the playing field, but the enthusiasm to mentally anticipate the situation can give a strong push before the physical match .
Nelson talks about the ritual of waxing, shaving, perfuming, choosing clothes or where to meet as ” sexual anticipation , especially important for women,” insists the therapist. If we add further messages to this process, regarding where we would like to be kissed, what areas we want to pet, what clothes we will take off first or, in general, what we are willing to do, we will increase sexual desire .
3. It is essential to try to relax as much as possible
As they say, haste is bad advice . No, you don’t have to break a record of time or the number of positions experienced in bed.
You simply have to enjoy every minute of sex to the fullest . The greater the relaxation, the greater the possibility of obtaining total pleasure.
“Most of us try to move and change positions, not because it hurts, but because it gives us too much pleasure,” explains the couples therapy expert. Instead, the important thing is to enjoy every moment openly, without wondering if it is necessary to end or prolong the sexual encounter. You just have to let go and relax your muscles.
4. Trust yourself and take care of yourself
Desire goes hand in hand with trust. Of course, there’s no need to hit the gym five times a week, or spend all your money on beauty products. We can all be beautiful and feel good about ourselves. The main factor is to convey confidence and sensuality . A fulfilling sexuality is the fruit of your relationship with your partner, but also of your relationship with yourself.
Treat your body as it deserves and take care of it. Keep in mind that sex-related shame or guilt is a barrier . Talking to a therapist to get out of this belief is another step towards your sexual fulfillment .
5. Explore your personal fantasies and tastes
“Look into each other’s eyes because the greatest pleasure comes when both people reach orgasm at the same time.” Or not. In short: this is not necessarily the case for everyone .
Beliefs and commonplaces regarding sex must be overcome, there are simply those who prefer to close their eyes and those who prefer to keep their eyes open, there are those who prefer to do it with the light on and those who do not, there are also those who want to surround themselves of mirrors and there are those who do not like the idea … In other words, each person is a world unto himself .
“Good sex happens first and foremost in your mind and body,” Nelson explains. “Your partner will try to please you, but it is your private experience that will determine whether or not you enjoyed sex.”
This does not mean that each of us has to go our own way, hiding our innermost desires or fantasies from our partner. Rather. Nelson differentiates between the concept of secrecy and that of intimacy : the former is what we keep hidden from our partner, while intimacy “is an intimate place where our sexuality and eroticism are cultivated and developed”, and we must reveal it so that our partner can know and encourage this intimate and personal part of us, adding emotion and excitement to sexual encounters.