Building a solid, lasting and happy marriage is never easy. A couple is always made up of two individuals who have different, sometimes very different thoughts, desires, aspirations and life contexts. And since every human being has defects, in life as a couple these defects end up becoming more visible, they end up bothering you more. The natural tendency of every marriage is to wear out over the years and inevitably end. However, if there is a conscious effort on both sides, it is possible to build a marriage that resists the wear and tear and adversities of life and lasts forever.
- It all starts with choice
First of all, it is important that we are aware that we will never find someone perfect, and if we do, we will certainly not be worthy of that person (!). They all have defects . When deciding whether or not to marry someone, the question to ask is whether we are willing to live with that person’s shortcomings. Certain defects can cause us so much discomfort that it makes it impossible to live together, in which case the best thing to do is not to continue with the relationship. Before marriage, there must be an effort not to let emotion guide us instead of reason. It is necessary to make a very well thought out decision.
- Conscious effort
If we let life take us, if we live without worrying about marriage, the tendency is to wear out and, after a few years, love disappears completely and remains the only possible choice for divorce. It takes attention, effort and diligence towards marriage. Saying to your spouse kind words, praising, giving gifts whenever possible, being affectionate and loving, planning activities that will get them out of the routine are some things that must be done consciously so that the health of the marriage is preserved.
Patience, self-reflection, willingness to forgive, to reveal, to forget, to give in, to give up some things are attributes that contribute to the happiness of the marriage, as long as within the limits of what is acceptable. This provision must exist in both spouses. The relationship in which only one spouse is always with his head down becomes a time bomb: it can explode at any moment. Nobody is happy giving up all the time. But when there is a greater interest in the health of marriage in both parties than in being right, the marriage tends to be happier.
As was said at the beginning, a couple is made up of two individuals who think differently. There can be no agreement and harmony between the couple if there is no frequent, open, sincere, honest and loving dialogue. It is essential to always talk. You have to be willing to accept the other’s opinion, to recognize that we are not always right and to give in sometimes. And always express clearly what we are feeling.
- Respect for individuality
As much as the couple’s goal is to become one flesh, there are still two individuals, with desires, desires, worldviews and opinions that are not always coincident. Each spouse is still a person and needs his space, needs to have his individuality respected. In a happy marriage there is no coercion, no space invasion, no pressure or distrust. There is no happiness when one of the spouses feels invaded, coerced or suffocated. The more freedom, the more unity in marriage.
It is possible to be happy in marriage. It is possible to make it last forever. The first years are always challenging, because they are the adaptation period. But over time, partnership, friendship and complicity make the relationship more and more natural and the health of the marriage demands less and less effort. But, until then, dedication is necessary. Nothing is built that is firm and lasting in life without effort