A divorce can be an exhausting experience. Only those who are going through or have gone through one know how it is. The sensation is of being overwhelmed by feelings and emotions that are often contradictory, practical problems to deal with and very difficult decisions to make. So, as nobody is made of iron, it is very common to make mistakes and make mistakes.
Here are five mistakes, almost always made by someone undergoing separation or divorce, and a few tips that can prevent major problems and keep you on track:
- Make hasty decisions
Never make decisions regarding a divorce application or developments within the divorce process itself without thinking carefully. Keep in mind that a cut will be made in any and all marital ties. Usually the mistake of couples is to act in the heat of emotions, which can have consequences that they will have to live with for the rest of their lives. In addition to the decision to divorce itself, which should never be taken with a warm head, there are other decisions within the process that must be analyzed and clarified to avoid future problems.
- Fighting for children
Many couples can slip into the low blow of using their children to punish their ex. Children are able to perceive this game and the result will be anger on the part of the children towards the spouse who does so. According to psychologist Míriam Lopes de Barros, this is an attack on the child’s mental health and that in this war there are no winners, only injured. It is important for the child to know that the parents have separated, but he has not lost either. Without this feeling, the child may feel helpless.
- Parental Alienation
One of the ex-spouses may be hurt by the relationship and want to take revenge on the ex-partner by denigrating the partner’s image and pitting the child against the one who made the decision to divorce. This is an error against which there is a law, the one that provides for Parental Alienation (Law No. 12,318 / 10), in its article 3 it states “The practice of parental alienation act violates the fundamental right of the child or adolescent to live together healthy family, impairs the realization of affection in relations with the parent and with the family group, constitutes moral abuse against the child or adolescent and non-compliance with the duties inherent to parental authority or arising from guardianship or custody ”.
- To think that everyone is like the ex
Returning to trust after disappointment can be difficult, but necessary if you want to find new love. If the person is defensive and is always thinking that what happened in the previous relationship can happen again, he will become suspicious, jealous and closed to a new relationship. The advice of Kimberly Pryor, journalist and author of the book ‘The Indestructible Relationship’, is to think in this way: “I am happy to meet this new person and discover his strengths”.
- Not having a good relationship with the ex
Of course, there are cases and cases. Some exes do not deserve and should be avoided, like abusive ones. But, if not, living in friction with your ex will only create more emotional distress for everyone. Provocation, retaliation, creating difficulties makes it seem that the author of such actions feels some unhealthy pleasure in provoking his ex, out of revenge. You need to know how to turn the page and move on.