There are men who give themselves totally to a relationship, while others shy away from the sign of any serious relationship. He has a kind of relationship phobia. It would be no problem if this type of man were honest with his partner, saying from the beginning exactly what he wants in the relationship. Instead, he keeps rolling until he gets tired and moves on. How to recognize this type of man? How do you know if he will not commit to you? In order not to fall into the trap of falling in love with someone who will make you suffer, see the 10 signs that he will not commit to you.
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In today’s text we will talk about the following topics:
- Have you ever seen this movie?
- Relationship phobia
- 10 signs that he will not commit to you
- What to do if he is not going to commit to you?
- Appreciate yourself
Have you ever seen this movie?
Many of the women I talk to complain that when they think they are reaching the second stage of a relationship, they “take a break from life”. Imagine the situation: you meet someone, you feel a connection, you have some excellent conversations, maybe a few kisses and, before you know it, you are going out frequently. Casual conversations begin to shift to deeper issues. However, as your feelings grow, your partner starts to move away, he becomes distant and unavailable.
Some men have a real relationship phobia. People who have problems with commitments usually have a serious problem with staying in a long-term relationship. Sometimes the evidence that he wants nothing to do with you is quite evident, other times it is more subtle and it may take a while for you to realize it. So if you start paying attention, you can get rid of a big disappointment.
Falling in love with a person with a commitment phobia can be a nightmare. Watch out for signs before you find yourself desperately in love with someone who is not able to have a relationship. A man does not have to fit all of these signs, however, if you remember your partner when reading most of the things I am going to talk about, it can be an alert that he will not commit to you.
10 signs that he will not commit to you
1. They are very vague about their schedule
They are annoyingly vague about their schedule. Here are some key phrases that they always use:
- “I’m really busy with my job right now. We will meet in a few days when things are calmer ”.
- “Sorry, I was gone for a while. Things have been crazy around here. What have you been up to?”
- “Sorry, I haven’t seen your text until now. How are you?”
Okay, all of us, at some point in our lives, forget to look at our phone and answer. I, for example, have already stopped responding to my friends and even my family because I was too busy, and I only remembered hours later. However, there is a big difference between when someone does this all the time and almost never has a real-time interaction with you.
2. They say it’s nothing serious
He constantly reiterates how casual your relationship is. He always says phrases like, “I’m not sure I’m ready for a relationship right now. Give me some time ”. And although you always make it clear that you want a serious relationship, it doesn’t end with you to spare your hurt feelings, instead it will tie you up with promises of a relationship that happens “maybe one day”.
Even the relatively innocent words like “boyfriend” and “girlfriend” seem like a giant thing to him. He can simply avoid talking about the status of his relationship, or he can offer an excuse for not wanting to use these labels.
3. Always slow
He goes on to say that he wants to “take things slow” as an excuse. Sure, being cautious in a new relationship is a perfectly normal (and emotionally healthy!) Thing, but you have to ask yourself if your relationship is moving anywhere. Men who are cautious and advance slowly, but advance at some point. If he is not going to commit to you, he will stand in the way of any progress in the relationship.
4. Everything leads to sex
He loves sex. Okay, who doesn’t love sex? But in this case, your relationship is almost entirely based on sex. Even the encounters that at first sight seem special, seem to be a means to an end (and to be clear, that end is sex).
If he always guides things in a sexual direction, he probably doesn’t want a long-term relationship. And that is the real “problem” here: if he wants something very casual and you hope for something more serious, none of you will get what you want. There is nothing wrong with the fact that he wants a casual relationship, but he needs to be frank with you about it and you need to be consistent about what he wants in your life.
5. He dodges
He dodges anything that could be considered a relationship landmark. He doesn’t want to meet his parents or friends. He will never leave a toothbrush in your house or visit you at work. He also won’t want your things at his house and will always give you back if you casually forget something. He doesn’t want to do anything to imply that the relationship is making progress because, in his mind, there is no relationship.
6. You don’t know anything about previous relationships
He never, under any circumstances, mentions his ex-girlfriends. Of course, it would be in bad taste to talk about them all the time, but the zero mention of past relationships is suspect. He may be hiding something.
7. Relationship without friends and family
Someone who sees a future with you will fit her into your inner circle and that means introducing her to family and friends. If he doesn’t want to meet his friends or family or vice versa, it’s simply because he doesn’t expect you to be around long enough to make sure you meet. If he really wanted to meet you, one of the best ways is through friends and family.
Although it doesn’t have to be immediate, if you are dating for a while, your partner should be excited to meet his friends and family. In addition, if you are not included in the activities he does with people close to him, you need to ask why this is happening.
8. He makes no plans for the future with you
A person who wants to commit to you is not afraid to talk about the future. Does he invite you to a wedding in six months? Any conversation about the holidays? If he is not talking about the future, he does not see a future with you.
No man planned a Caribbean vacation with me, but in every serious relationship I had, we planned weekend trips, made plans for the holidays of the following months and for weddings that were months away.
9. You haven’t heard of him for days
He’s a love for a few days and then disappears, almost like a ghost for a week. Don’t send a message or make a phone call. When he returns, he acts as if nothing has happened.
If he becomes a ghost without making any attempt to pick up the phone or make plans, it is because he is trying to keep a distance between you. This does not mean that he should be calling every day, but he should at least be checking to see how you are doing, even if he is inundated with work or has other things going on.
10. He suddenly lost interest
Finally, one of the biggest signs that he has a commitment phobia is that he suddenly loses his interest. It is not something that happens over time; it’s almost overnight. He will be too busy to see you, he will make excuses to cancel your plans, and it will take hours to respond to your texts (if he does). A guy who suddenly and for no apparent reason loses interest in you, is afraid of commitment; he doesn’t want to be with a woman for long.
What to do if he is not going to commit to you?
Run to the hills!
No … I’m just kidding! But you need to take care of yourself. I learned from my own experience and that of my students, presenting ultimatums or applying any kind of pressure tends to drive them away. So, you need a careful plan with a delicate balance of self-preservation and assertiveness:
- First, state your own needs – decide if this person is worth it
- Set a time limit – instead of waiting and torturing yourself for months, set a deadline to see if something is going to change. If your needs are not met in the relationship by that date, give up
- Give yourself some space – take a step back and subtly reduce your level of involvement. Stop initiating the contact and delay responding to his messages and be less available than usual
Note: I do not usually defend this philosophy of “making it difficult”, but when it comes to a man in this style, a little of that is necessary. After all, self-love never hurts.
If after all this he does not change his own behavior, if you realize that he is not going to commit to you, get out of that relationship.
In conclusion, if a man loves you, he will want to be with you, invest in you and feel proud to be by your side. They feel responsible and committed to their relationship. Don’t waste time with someone who doesn’t add anything to your life and just deludes you. Appreciate yourself! Have self-esteem ! The time you spend trying to fix that relationship is valuable time that could be spent with someone else who really deserves you.