Have you ever heard someone say that the current generation doesn’t know what love is? That true love has been lost over the years and only the older generations really know what that feeling is? Extremisms aside, the idea of love has really changed over the years. The way people dealt with this feeling in the past is not the same as it is today. However, is this a bad thing? Today we are going to see how the idea of love has changed from one generation to another and find out how it affects our lives. Are you ready?
In today’s text we will cover the following topics:
- Oh the love! What do we really know about him?
- How love was seen by past generations
- How love is seen today
- Did we miss something along the way?
- The truth about love
- Some tips
- After all, is the idea of love getting worse or better?
- Building a lasting relationship
Oh the love! What do we really know about him?
Love is probably one of the most precious and desired feelings for human beings. Through poems, books, plays and music, we can see that people are always in a constant search for this feeling that manages to give meaning to many lives.
When we think about how our grandparents and parents found what they call love, we see how that feeling was different (and perhaps even simpler!) Than it is today. In our mind, things were much less complicated, with no big surprises. Really?
How love was seen by past generations
A romantic view
I have heard many people talk about the romanticism of past generations, how love was valued. Probably these people have in mind a Hollywood vision of couples from films like “Diary of a Passion”, who met when they were teenagers, faced all the difficulties to be together and loved each other until old age. Very beautiful, but in real life it doesn’t always work like that, and that’s fine!
Proximity affected relations
the impression we have is that in the past the relations were very simple. People married earlier, with those who lived nearby and who were chosen (or accepted) by their families. Among the things that made the novel different was the technology that did not yet dominate everyday life – cell phones, for example, did not exist.
There was also not a lot of transport options, even public transport. This caused people to end up marrying those who lived in the same neighborhood, in the same city.
The influence of family and society
Families were also very influential in this choice. They could choose – and be heard – as to which husband the daughter would choose. They used to choose those who had a respected job and a good reputation in society. From this we can understand that our grandparents and great-grandparents had fewer options and looked in their neighborhoods, in addition to having started getting married much earlier.
Social pressure
Before, couples were under more social pressure to get married. People used to join someone for a reason that was considered “simpler”: there was social pressure for them to get married after a certain age. It sounds like a strange scenario, but it just proves how the idea of love has changed from one generation to the next.
Divorce?
Although everything is very simple and very practical, the question of love was not paramount when choosing a husband or wife. If the family did not approve the candidate, there would be hardly any union between the lovers. The woman had to accept the husband chosen by the family and resign herself to a loveless marriage.
If the woman were unhappy in her marriage, she would have to endure and be content to be happy taking care of the children and the house because divorce was unthinkable at the time. Those who dared to challenge and face society were badly spoken. It was the time of the woman submissive to her husband.
How love is seen today
How the idea of love has changed from one generation to another
Nowadays that has changed a lot, hasn’t it? People want different things: they want a deeper relationship. Nowadays people get married because they have found a person that they really like and that gives them the feeling that they are “more complete”.
Social pressure, even if it exists, is not the main cause for couples to start forming their families. Now we can marry for love, but we put more romantic pressure on our partners. This shows how the idea of love has changed from one generation to another.
Technology in our favor
In addition to the number of possible partners we find in real life meetings, there are still apps like Tinder and Happn that give you instant access to hundreds of people who are single! Many claim that this approach to dating really works. So why do so many people complain that love today is very frustrating and complicated, when technology should make it easier?
This generation is much more self-focused than previous generations. In a culture of casual dating, casual nights and colorful friendships, finding someone to date seriously can be difficult.
Expectations
The changes have affected what we expect from our partners. Before, with more “simple” reasons, the expectation about the other was also lower. Now, since we were married for love, there is a pressure that did not previously exist on our partner; it seems that it needs to fill several areas of your life, in order for you to become complete.
They must fulfill all of our needs: we want them to be fun, reliable, to convey security, to be kind and full of surprise; who understand us and are great at sex. With that, we can keep things interesting and continue with them.
Disposable relationships
We also want passion and the perfect life partner that completes us, gives us identity, mystery and admiration and makes us truly happy. Some people declare that they are looking for their soul mate and refuse to settle for “anything”. We think that perfection is attainable, when in reality it is not. Nobody is perfect.
So, instead of investing in a relationship that could work, people dismiss each other. If the person does not live up to our ideal, we simply throw it away, after all, there are so many other people in the world who can fit the mold we imagine. However, these discarded people could very well be the ideal company and you, being stuck in patterns that you have created in your head, cannot see.
We throw it away, instead of fixing it
When something at home was defective, my mother always managed to fix it. It was not a question of not having money for a new one, but of not wanting to throw away something that could still serve. It was just a matter of patience.
We, on the other hand, act totally differently. We are of the generation to replace the old with the new. If your phone is defective, you will prefer to buy another one, instead of repairing it. We don’t have the patience to wait and see what the problem is, we prefer to throw it away. We do the same with our relationships. We don’t try to “fix it”, we throw it away and go to another one.
Did we miss something along the way?
When I see a couple like Glória Menezes and Tarcisio Meira, who have been married for more than 50 years, I wonder if this new generation would be able to maintain such a marriage. In several interviews, the two highlight the fact that they have accepted each other’s qualities and defects and exalt the fact that they are friends and companions. It was a marriage built with their efforts. They have something that the current generations are missing: the will to fight for the relationship.
The truth about love
The truth is that love is confusing. It is so incredibly complex that most people just couldn’t understand it. The real question is: are we better or worse in love? That is a question that I cannot answer, but I fear that for many people, perhaps the second option is the answer.
Of course, each individual is different, but most people seem to be incredibly lost. If we don’t understand love better – its purpose, its limits and its deficiencies – we will never be happy.
Some tips
Meet people longer
Many people go on a date and then realize that it has nothing to do with the person. Probably you or someone you know already wanted to leave a date that you considered ‘disastrous’ because you didn’t like the person. However, as common as this may be, we must remember that our first impressions are not always correct. We are complex creatures and it can take a while for us to understand someone.
Be patient
And since nowadays our people options are many, we tend to lose patience when the person is not what we expect right away. Sometimes, we are sure that we don’t like someone after just an hour or two with them, and we have to admit that this is very hard – people are complex and complicated and we cannot understand anyone in such a short time.
A lot of people need time to get to know where they are stepping and, only then, start to be confident and outgoing. Give these people a chance, you may be surprised.
Number of meetings
Another thing to think about is the number of dates you go. Instead of going on an absurd amount of dates or hanging out with a lot of people, why not go out with someone you really liked more than once?
If you did several matches in any application, instead of making appointments with ten people, why not just make an appointment to go out with three and focus on those people before looking for more people? It may be more advantageous for you!
After all, is the idea of love getting worse or better?
Today, we have more freedom to choose how we live our lives. We create our own rules and have many options on how we want to interact with romantic partners (an indisputable proof that shows how the idea of love has changed from one generation to another).
Love in today’s world is a maze, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen yet. Take advantage of this freedom that our generation offers and seek a love that lasts as long as in past generations, but with all the sensuality and companionship that we so appreciate in a partner. There’s definitely someone out there that suits you a lot
Building a lasting relationship
You have seen that the idea of love has changed and many women have yet to adapt. They find it difficult to relate to other people and feel insecure and unhappy. To help these and many other women I created Women’s Week Well Solved. And today I want to invite you to know this program that has already helped thousands of people.
