If I put myself to think to find something in common between most of the people who contact me to tell me about their situation and seek advice ( by the way, you can write to ” [email protected] ” no problems if you ever need it ) my first choice would certainly be the belief of being ” good people “.
” I am a good boy “, “I am a good girl “, “I am a good person ” are words that I have heard endlessly.
Another interesting thing is that these people, convinced that they are “good people”, always have problems in the relationship, are unhappy and often disgusted by life and other human beings.
It is difficult to deal with people of this type: their minds are often closed to advice and reality and they categorically refuse to understand a simple truth: that “ they are not so good as people “ .
Now … if you consider yourself a good person and you have relationship problems you have two choices: get angry , refuse even to consider this possibility and do not change absolutely anything in your life and your situation … or continue reading , because in this article I will explain at my best the why of this statement .
Have you decided to continue? Then…
3… 2… 1… go!
THE “WRONG” CONCEPT OF A GOOD PERSON
What does it mean to ” be a good person “?
Many people have a totally wrong concept of being good and, in large part, the responsibility is due to the religious education they receive. Especially in Italy, even if we are not particularly active from a religious point of view, the influence of Christianity is extremely strong and tenaciously intersects with the education we receive from birth.
We are convinced that not responding to provocations, giving so much importance to others, always treating everyone with the utmost respect and even sacrificing ourselves are ” symptoms ” of being ” good ” but … is this really the case?
We begin to ” destroy ” the concept of ” good person ” by highlighting some religious inconsistencies ( obviously I will go beyond the mere religious perspective ).
BIBLICAL INCONGRUENCES
” Turn the other cheek ” is the first key phrase. ” Treat your neighbor as yourself ” is the other.
What are the figures, religiously speaking, that best represent these sentences? Probably God, Jesus and his apostles… right?
After all, according to Christianity, Jesus even died for us .. what better form of sacrifice can ever exist?
Well … now I would like to make you reflect on some events told by the bible.
GOD : the symbol of absolute love ” condemns ” quietly anyone who “takes his name in vain “.
Not only that, in the bible, especially in the old testament, he is ready to exterminate without restraint any person who dares even touch the objects he proclaimed sacred that represent him on earth. He practically kills anyone who refuses to recognize him as the only god ( just think of the Egyptians to whom he devastated not only the nation and fields but also killed all the firstborn to demonstrate his power ), he does not ask but orders and commands and, above all, yes gets angry very easily and even breaks promises.
The first that comes to my mind is the promise not to destroy Sodom ( I think it was Sodom ) if there was at least one good person inside it: well … the good person is there .. but god does however, it rained fire from the sky, incinerating the whole city and killing the entire population .
JESUS : the son of God, symbol of his love for men, who whips the merchants in the temple for daring to desecrate his father’s house.
APOSTLES : among the various acts of ” violence ” of the apostles the most significant is certainly the one carried out during the arrest of Jesus by the Romans in which one of the apostles cuts off the ear of a Roman soldier who was trying to take Jesus away .
As you can see, the most representative figures of the concept of “good” are not so ready to turn the other cheek and demonstrate this infinite love that should distinguish them … but the point here is not that we have to be violent and react badly when we are provoked how much more important.
Before continuing to read, therefore, I would like you to stop for a moment and reflect on the ” common thread ” that unites all these behaviors . The reason why these ” people ” ( if we can talk about people ) come to ” burst ” despite being a symbol of love.
Just go ahead to find out if you are right or not.
HOW DO WHO ARE CONVINCED THAT THEY ARE A GOOD PERSON BEHAVED?
Let’s now talk about those who are convinced that they are ” good “: how do they behave? What are his thoughts? What are his feelings?
Obviously we are not talking about “ universal ” behavioral and thinking patterns and, whatever I am going to write now, should be considered preceded by a “ many of them ” not by “ all of them ”.
- they do not respond to provocations and often allow themselves to be mistreated.
- internally they judge others negatively, coming to consider them all idiots.
- they think the worst when it comes to finding personal responsibility.
- they justify the negative behaviors of others.
- their needs are secondary to those of someone else.
- they desperately seek someone’s approval
My question for you now is: what is lacking in people with these character traits who have the religious “role models” we talked about earlier?
THE REALITY ON THE CONCEPT OF A GOOD PERSON
the truth is that in the concept of ” good person ” that all those who complain of relationship problems have nowadays, convinced that they are ” good boys or girls “, there is a very important thing missing that should never, ever be missing, that is love and self-respect .
GOD in the bible did not allow anyone to ” put his feet on his head “ without reprisals, Jesus, however much he sacrificed himself, never forgave a lack of respect for his father and the apostles in the same way practically never tolerated the lack of respect for them and for jesus.
Those who live in this illusory state of ” goodness “ instead continually diminish themselves , whenever something is not going as it should always and immediately think negatively , if someone treats them badly they justify themselves with that someone to try to get their approval as if it was he who did rather than suffer something wrong and, if someone justifies himself with him, he forgives and accepts the justifications almost immediately . He sets aside for others by renouncing himself , he lets himself be exploited continuously and, above all, he judges himself on the basis of the amount of approval he receives from others.
I’m sorry … but this does not mean loving yourself, it does not mean respecting yourself and above all, since we are disrespecting the most important person in our world, or ourselves, it can never mean being “good people”.
Sure, good people don’t harm others… but that doesn’t mean they should be treated by everyone ( including themselves ) like punching bags and or. on the contrary, that they must think of the entire human race as composed of poor idiots unable to recognize its value and its qualities.
Aren’t “good guys” sentimentally successful? Are “good girls” exploited and manipulated?
The idiots who do not value themselves are not sentimentally successful , the ones who always put others and especially the girl they are obsessed with, putting themselves first in the lower steps.
The idiots who get dressed up to gain the appreciation of others and who give themselves away for some manipulative word are the ones who are exploited.
And yes, I know perfectly well that I am using strong words, even offensive ones, but I consider it necessary because whoever finds himself in this situation must understand, once and for all, that he is not ” a good person ” but only an idiot. Only with this awareness can the strength, if not the anger, necessary to change things arise .
The moment you take refuge in the consoling concept that ” I suffer .. but at least I am a good person “ ( which in any case you are not because you torture yourself continuously ) then there will never be change and there will never be a solution .
CONCLUSIONS
A nice guy can be successful with girls and still be a nice guy without anyone putting their feet on his head . A good girl can continue to be a good girl even by dressing less provocatively and giving up being a nurse or being manipulated by the asshole on duty .
It is not ” good ” or ” asshole ” that makes the difference. What makes the difference is ALWAYS the amount of self-love you cultivate within yourself.
The bible also says it: treat your neighbor as yourself.
The moment you don’t respect yourself it doesn’t matter anymore , nothing goes as it should and the only thing you will get is a life of manipulation justified by the illusion of being ” a good person ” … so that’s okay, better this way than asshole /to.
Too bad that you are already an asshole … towards yourself.
And that’s the worst of it.
I know I was very hard in this last part of the article … but I hope that my hardness can turn into a strong self-criticism towards yourself and, from there, that you can find the strength to give yourself the value you deserve .
