What to Talk About During Small Talk

Small talk is a light, short conversation on abstract topics with people you don’t know well or don’t know at all. Such conversations may seem useless – and most often they are – but they can be useful.

Establish contact

The concept of an acquaintance that develops into friendship, business partnership and other types of connections assumes that you first need to somehow get closer to a person you don’t know yet. In order to go through the stage of transition to a new status, you have to start with small talk one way or another.

To defuse the situation

Sometimes people feel awkward when they find themselves together in a space. For example, a birthday boy gathers people he doesn’t really know at a party, and then he disappears somewhere, and everyone diligently digs through their phones or looks at the corners of the room. Or a person at a new job sits alone at a table during lunch, picking at a salad with a fork, and feels out of place.

In situations like these, someone has to speak up first so that others can chime in. Small talk is the best option here, because if you immediately suggest discussing Nietzsche or 16 and Pregnant , the situation can become even more awkward because you don’t know these people yet.

Boost your recognition

Personal branding is usually discussed in the context of professional activity, but it works in other areas too. Surely among your friends’ friends there is a person whom perhaps no one has ever seen, but everyone knows.

You can become famous for your bad side or your good side. But if you can make people feel good about you during small talks, so that your friends, colleagues, or clients spread the word about what a wonderful person you are and how pleasant it is to work with you, that will definitely add to your points.

How to Run a Successful Small Talk

Avoid sensitive topics

There is a gold standard of topics that are not usually discussed in secular society. These are money , health, and politics. But in general, this includes all explosive issues that can immediately cause disagreement. Some of them are timeless, like religion, while others can become sensitive depending on the situation. For example, it is usually safe to discuss travel to a certain country, but if something controversial is happening there right now, it is better to refrain from discussions.

Ask open-ended questions

It is better to ask in such a way that the interlocutor cannot answer “yes” or “no”. Not everyone can conduct a small talk, and your conversation partner may be one of those people. If he answers in monosyllables, you will have to invent more and more new questions in an information vacuum. More detailed answers will allow you to rely on the interlocutor’s remarks and simplify your task.

Let’s say you decide to chat with someone during a coffee break at a conference. Instead of asking, “Do you like it here?” and likely getting a one-word answer, you can phrase the question differently: “What do you think of this conference?” This will motivate the other person to describe their impressions in more detail and will give you more input for the next question.

Give detailed answers

Small talk is not an interview. So try not only to ask questions, but also to give your interlocutor a little information about yourself in order to fully engage in the conversation.

Listen carefully

Small talk is born from small hooks in the words of the interlocutor, so it will simply be easier for you if you do not get distracted. Plus, during small talk it is important to make a good impression, and people in general like it when you pay attention to them. So you kill two birds with one stone.

For example, during negotiations you offer a new client candy with tea, and he refuses: “Today we had a celebration in the office – we ate cake on the occasion of a colleague’s birthday.” Then your reaction might be: “Wow, great! How else do you congratulate colleagues?”

Use known information

Sometimes you may already know something about the person. For example, if you met at a party, they are likely to know the person who invited you, so you can ask how they met. Or perhaps a mutual friend, when introducing you, added some details like, “This is Vasya, he is an honorary donor and has jumped with a parachute 300 times .” This kind of information allows you to avoid pulling topics out of thin air and feel much more at ease.

Don’t argue with your interlocutor

Don’t turn a small talk into a heated discussion. Even if you think the book your interlocutor is talking about is a rare nastiness, you don’t have to tell him about it. Your mutual goal is to get pleasant emotions from a short conversation and leave satisfied, and not to prove who is right and who is wrong.

For example, at a family celebration, one of your distant relatives praises a new novel by a trendy author and asks whether you have read it or not. If you want to maintain a relaxed atmosphere at the table, it is better not to say that you consider the trendy author’s books to be trash, but to change the subject: “I have no time to read at all now, I only have time to listen to podcasts on the way to work. Do you listen to podcasts?”

Make jokes carefully

Shared laughter brings people closer, but it is important that the humor is appropriate. In your close company, dark jokes may go down well, but with a stranger it is better to joke about neutral topics.

Avoid negativity

Even if you’re discussing a neutral topic, you may have a bunch of sad stories related to it. It’s best to put them off until later, as they can quickly ruin the mood. This is, as they say now, “minus vibe.”

Give compliments

Firstly, the interlocutor will be pleased. Secondly, they will lead you to a fork in the road for further conversation.

For example, you say, “What a stylish outfit! Are you into fashion?” And you hear in response, “Thank you. Yes, I follow trends.” Then you can say, “That’s obvious. I’m into fashion too. By the way, what do you think of the aesthetics of the eclectic grandpa style ?”

Or, let’s say, the answer is: “Oh, thank you. I don’t really follow trends, I just buy what I like.” In this case, you can go this route: “What doesn’t stop you from looking great! What are your hobbies?” This way, the conversation will probably steer toward a topic that interests both of you