What does “self-confidence” mean?

If you feel insecure in the company of other people, you probably already wondered about the reason for this insecurity. Probably, it also occurred to you that you had this feeling a long time ago. Perhaps you are one of those people who, as a child, were more timid and shy than those around you. Perhaps you already noticed that you admire self-confident children and adults and want to be just like them. That is, those who do not allow others to take away a tidbit from themselves, do not allow themselves to be intimidated, can say “no” without hesitation if they disagree with something. Why can’t you decide on this? Only you yourself can answer this question. Perhaps you are less determined than others. Perhaps, in childhood, you experienced some event, after which you had fears, and now they do not leave you. Maybe these are the consequences of many failures with which you were forced to simply accept. But since all this is already in the past, and now you cannot fix anything, you should not even think about it.

After such unfortunate situations, a feeling of insecurity arises that must be overcome once and for all. You yourself can try to succeed. In fact, whether you cope with this problem or not depends only on you. If you succeed, then every time you become bolder and bolder you will be able to say “yes” or “no”, depending on what you want. However, be patient. You need to change your behavior. As a rule, this is not so easy, because a person gets used to certain ways of behavior, and it is not easy for him to start behaving differently. In order to change behavior, you will have to work a lot on yourself, and, of course, it will take you some time.

How confident are you?

If you nevertheless decide to try to change your behavior, then first we recommend that you independently assess how confident you are at the moment. To do this, we suggest you answer the test questions below.

Read the statements and decide how much you agree with them. Below is a scale with answers from 0 to 100. “0” means that you completely disagree with the given statement, “100” – that you can completely agree with it. Try not to hesitate for a long time. Whenever possible, make decisions spontaneously and honestly with yourself. Cross out the number that corresponds to the degree of your agreement with this or that statement.

Now add up all the points. Now think about how much points you would like to achieve (but do not make too high demands on yourself: the one who honestly answers the test questions will never reach less than 100 points). Later you can check if you have already achieved your goal, or if you still need to work on yourself. Then you will see how much more confident and bolder you have become. Along with this, you can be glad that by that time you have acquired a lot of experience.

“Confidence” or “arrogance”?

We talk about self-confidence all the time. But what is it? Before we answer this question, we would like to draw your attention to a very important remark.

Behaving confidently does not mean being arrogant.

He is often overlooked. If in some situation one person makes a legal requirement and insists on being fulfilled, then his behavior will be effective only when it really helps him to achieve his goal. Namely: it will help to achieve the fulfillment of the requirement. That is, it is reasonable behavior in such a situation that will be correct.

If we are talking exclusively about an objective requirement, then, presenting it, one should behave accordingly.

What does it mean to behave appropriately?

In such a situation, one should not be aggressive. It is simply not appropriate and will not do any good. Perhaps as a result, the other person will feel overwhelmed and will do whatever I ask. But, perhaps, my aggressiveness will cause resistance on his part. And this, in turn, will reduce the likelihood that he will still fulfill my request. In any case, aggressive behavior will only ruin my relationship with this person.

But this in no way means that aggressive behavior must be abandoned in principle, not at all. Each person can behave as he considers correct and appropriate in a given situation, provided that he respects the other person’s right to physical and moral integrity. But at the same time, you should always predict the consequences of your actions. If, for example, a friend took a book from me and, despite repeated reminders, still has not returned it, then I can resolutely and clearly repeat my demand. Most likely, I will not lend him anything more. I can also scold, insult or even threaten him. Perhaps, in this way, I will get the book back, but by doing so I will greatly ruin my relationship with him.

What is the difference between confident, insecure and aggressive behavior?

The ability to maintain satisfactory relationships with the people around us primarily depends on how confident, but not aggressive, we can articulate our rights and demands. You need to clearly distinguish between aggressive and confident behavior in order to always understand the consequences of your actions.

It is probably not so difficult to assess the degree of a person’s confidence. A self-confident person can be distinguished from an insecure person by various signs: by posture and posture, the manner of speaking, the volume of the voice, by whether he looks into the eyes of the interlocutor, by the unambiguity of statements and much more. For example, if a person demands something from me and at the same time looks into my eyes, if he calmly, accurately and definitely tells me his desire, request and still stands or sits, then he gives the impression of a confident person. If he is afraid of eye contact, lowers his shoulders and sucks in his neck and speaks so quietly and confusedly that I can hardly understand what he actually wants, then he gives the impression of an insecure person. Sometimes, for such an assessment, it is enough to pay attention to how a person knocks on the door,

Thus, by observing certain external signs of an action, one can assess whether it is aggressive, confident or uncertain. Such signs are voice, body language (that is, gestures and facial expressions), the form and content of what is said.

Self-confidence – how can you define it?

A confident person speaks loudly, clearly, and clearly. He unambiguously formulates his requirements and desires, precisely justifies them, expresses his feelings and emotions and uses the word “I” for this. At the same time, his body is relaxed. Facial expressions and gestures confirm what he is saying.

Uncertainty criteria

An insecure person, on the other hand, speaks quietly and hesitantly. Its wording is imprecise and vague. He gives detailed and unnecessary explanations. Instead of directly expressing his emotions and expressing his demands, he indirectly hints at them and often uses impersonal sentences. He is more likely to hide or not speak out his own demands.

Insecure behavior also manifests itself in posture and posture. The person behaves unnaturally, avoids eye contact; gestures and facial expressions are practically absent.

What signs indicate a person’s aggressiveness?

If in a certain situation a person reacts aggressively, then he usually shouts or raises his voice, or his voice becomes eerily quiet. In his words, one can hear a threat and an insult. He does not give any explanation or justification for his requirements and wishes, does not compromise and ignores the rights of another person. However, he does not control gestures. Such a person either does not establish eye contact at all or, on the contrary, stares intently into the eyes of his interlocutor.

Consequences of these three behaviors

Of course, these behaviors have completely different effects on the people with whom a person comes into contact. Therefore, confident, insecure and aggressive behavior can be distinguished by the consequences that they entail. Thus, actions and statements can be assessed using the following questions: “How will the other person feel now?”, “How will he behave in the future?”

For example, if one person is insecure, then the other will feel superior. He will not consider it necessary to fulfill the requirements that the interlocutor formulates hesitantly and inaccurately.

If one person, on the contrary, behaves insolently and aggressively, then the other will feel offended and offended. It is highly likely that the offended person will defend himself aggressively in the same way, that he will not do what is required of him out of “stubbornness”. It may also happen that a person will listen silently, without offering resistance, but will experience an inner antipathy towards an aggressive interlocutor.

If a person acts confidently, then there is a high probability that his requirements and wishes will be taken into account. Such a person shows that he is able to interact with the interlocutor on an equal footing.

The following table lists some of the following signs of confident, insecure, and aggressive behavior. If you observe your friends, acquaintances or colleagues and at the same time determine which person is behaving confidently, which is insecure and which aggressive, then you will probably notice other signs with which you can supplement this list.