In an extremely competitive age, in which ostentatious coldness (or, conversely, the exaggerated display of feelings) is de rigueur, talking about shyness seems almost old-fashioned .
Yet it is a feeling like many others, found (in different forms and measures) in each of us.[1].
We can define shyness as a discomfort that manifests itself in front of others (strangers, but also known people) and that gives rise to hesitant, shy, awkward behavior, with a corollary of symptoms such as facial blushing, difficulty in verbal expression, awkward gestures and even a temporary worsening of cognitive functions (the anxiety associated with shyness can make the shy person appear unintelligent or forgetful).
Another typical trait is the fear of other people’s judgment, hence the feelings of shame and the aforementioned somatizations.
Sometimes shyness can take the form of social phobia , that is, referring to the DSM IV-TR[2], to the fear of showing anxiety to the point of a real panic attack when one finds oneself with people in embarrassing situations. This way of being can also take the form of avoidant personality disorder, that is “a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy and hypersensitivity to negative judgment, which is present in a variety of contexts”.
Shyness, as Eugenio Borgna says[3]it is therefore an external discomfort due to a certain way of functioning of our internal world (thoughts, emotions, prejudices). All of this has as a consequence not only the suffering in living certain social situations, but also avoidance behaviors (the shy person who prefers to stay at home instead of participating in a party or who gives up a sentimental approach for fear of making a bad impression or being rejected).
The life of the shy person can therefore be a life of sacrifice, with all that this entails in terms of lack of self-realization and serenity. Furthermore, additional problems can arise such as serious anxiety disorders, depression, alcohol or drug addiction.
As for the origins of shyness, these can be traced back to various factors: hereditary; psychodynamic (linked to the subject’s personal events, often dating back to early childhood); sociological, that is, connected to the environment, culture and era of reference.
Nothing to do then? Not really.
Sometimes the anxiety subsides with the repetition of encounters: the shy person, in fact, can reach an adaptation, sometimes satisfactory, after an initial period of social inhibition. Shyness can also diminish following the establishment of satisfying affective relationships, which raise one’s self-esteem. There can also be scholastic or professional successes or personal paths such as psychotherapy (which, as in the case of psychoanalysis, aims at restructuring the personality).
