Is absolute equality possible in a relationship? Equal division of duties? Unfortunately not.
Someone gives more, some of the partners gladly accept. But why is there such an injustice, and can something be done about it? Let’s figure it out in this article.
What does it mean to give?
In any relationship, be it relationships with parents, friends, lover, you give yourself. You are sharing your mental and emotional energies. You put the effort and energy into making the relationship the shape you want.
For example, let’s say you want your partner to go to the lake with you this weekend. But he stubbornly wants to stay home. In this case, you give up your psychic energy, spend it on the situation, without guarantees that you will receive in return.
You waste emotional energy when you empathize with someone, when you share someone’s defeat and sorrow. But, if your partner does the same for you, you are building a balance. You are trying to maintain balance in the relationship. But if you don’t “give,” the balance will be upset.
In any communication, in any relationship, you have something to do with your partner. This could be:
- Care;
- Weasel;
- Love;
- Anxiety;
- Experiences;
- Sadness.
You may think that completely opposite emotions are listed. And it is true. You can give both good and bad.
Are you sacrificing yourself in a relationship?
But how do you know if you are sacrificing yourself in a relationship, if giving is good? Ask yourself a few simple questions:
- Are you limiting yourself in any way in this relationship;
- Do you feel uncomfortable when communicating with this person;
- How often do you change your plans for the sake of your partner’s plans;
- Do you have to constantly spend money on the needs of your partner;
- Do you have to be silent, or say what your partner wants to hear;
- Is your circle of contacts limited?
If you answered “no” to all the questions, you are not really sacrificing anything. You’re just rubbing in, trying to build partnerships. But, if you answered yes to at least a few questions, you donate. And you sacrifice yourself.
Is it worth the sacrifice
But, is it worth doing? If you limit yourself in communicating with friends, loved ones, going to the cinema, theater for the sake of the peace of your partner – stop doing it. You are actually giving your partner your most precious resource – the time the partner spends on their own.
If you spend money on the needs of your partner, while he does not seek to satisfy your desires – stop doing it. Spend money on what you’ve dreamed of for so long. Both grow in partnerships – remember this.
So, you just need to show your partner an example of how to act in this or that situation. And he, being interested in a relationship, will grow after you. But, if you are more silent about your desires, do not tell your partner about your dreams, stop doing it. Go back to yourself. Ask yourself what you really want.
How to help yourself
If you are sure that you donate more in the relationship, but want to change the situation by maintaining communication, try some simple psychological tricks:
- Tell us about your dreams, plans for their realization;
- Ask your partner to help you more in specific matters;
- Refuse to spend money on your partner’s desires, but promise to help financially if necessary;
- Discuss plans for the weekend, for a joint vacation, build them together.
It would seem nothing complicated. But, many partners start to drift away when you start asking for more attention and satisfaction of your needs. Why it happens? It is not convenient for them. It is convenient for them to create a comfortable relationship only for themselves. Such a selfish scenario.
But what to do in this situation? If you are dear to your partner, he will be glad to come to a common solution in controversial issues. Often just close communication was not enough for this. But, the partner may distance themselves and say that you want too much. Then you shouldn’t sacrifice yourself further for him. It won’t make you happy.
