The word kindness is not very fashionable today but if we learn to use it, especially towards ourselves, it can be very powerful for the growth of self-esteem and in general for personal well-being.
Being friends with yourself is not easy at all and is generally a long journey of awareness that is also learned during a course of individual psychotherapy.
We often use double standards towards others and towards ourselves ; we are more capable of being kind, tolerant and non-judgmental towards friends and loved ones than with ourselves. For example, when a friend makes a mistake, we use a kind, non-judgmental tone of listening, but if we make the same mistake, the tone changes, we tend to be severe, intolerant and unfriendly. We are more inclined to forgive the mistakes of others but we do not use the same approach when it comes to our own mistakes.
Why aren’t we kind to ourselves?
There is no single answer, often there are many factors that contribute to the formation of such a severe internal voice towards ourselves, but it is possible to affirm that it is an injustice that we direct at ourselves and that can threaten our self-esteem .
Where to start to love yourself?
If we don’t like things about ourselves and we judge ourselves negatively or we end up being treated badly by others, we need to learn to look kindly at ourselves, not rejecting our weaknesses or fragilities but learning to be more “intimate” and less judgmental, to begin to accept them. Accepting is the first step to then begin a journey in which to abandon negative thoughts and beliefs about ourselves . In the practice of kindness, a concept of self-acceptance is trained that leads to knowing ourselves with authenticity, for what we really think and for theemotionsthat are experienced.
The concept of acceptance is different from that of indulgence. Indulgence is that thought process by which we resign ourselves: “I am made this way” , it is a resistant, passive thought because: ” if I am made this way, I cannot change anything about myself” and therefore ultimately does not allow the activation of a path of evolution and change . If you develop a kind approach towards yourself, you also strengthen compassion which is the ability to see our difficulties with kind eyes.
Here are some little tips :
- Stop self-judgement orinternal dialoguewhen he tends to belittle, we need to be careful about how we address ourselves, the judgments and words we say to ourselves.
- Soothe the mind when it is agitated and notice when it is causing us “suffering”.
- Recognize your limitations and understand your failures and instead of condemning yourself ask yourself what you learned from that experience. Making mistakes is a fact of life and learning from them is the smartest thing you can do!
- Have a proactive orientation towards your well-being.
- In mammals, both the brain and the body have the innate ability to give and receive care, so when you feel fragile or vulnerable it is important to know how to listen and care for yourself.
Inner kindness is a valuable quality that can have a significant impact on our emotional well-being. When we cultivate kindness towards ourselves, we develop a source of emotional strength that helps us face life’s challenges with more resilience and nurture a healthyself-esteem
