The word ” narcissism ” comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus. According to the myth, Narcissus was a handsome young man who rejected the love of the nymph Echo. As a punishment, he was destined to fall in love with his own image reflected in the water. Unable to consume his love, Narciso “turns his rapt gaze into the water, hour after hour”. Finally it is changed into a flower that still bears its name today, precisely the narcissus.
The concept of excessive self-love has been recognized and examined in the course of history, but only in recent times has it been defined in psychological terms.
Today narcissism , and more particularly the narcissistic personality disorder picture , is defined as a very complex personality structure. The subject who suffers from it develops a real sort of fixation for the image that refers to others. In fact, he pays enormous attention to the feedback on it from the people with whom the narcissist establishes more or less close relationships.
From normality to narcissistic pathology
The Narcissism is a personality trait that can be considered, to some extent, a state totally physiological. In some respects it is also functional in some contexts of everyday life. However, if this psychological attitude seriously interferes with interpersonal relationships, daily commitments and quality of life, it can take on proportions typical of pathological narcissism .
In psychopathology, within the Statistical Diagnostic Manual (DSM-5), the narcissistic picture is indicated among the personality disorders . People with these characteristics may tend to over-praise their abilities. They place themselves at the exclusive and pre-eminent center of their interest and thus become the object of smug admiration.
Characteristics and symptoms of narcissistic pathology
People who manifest pathological narcissism tend to be absorbed in fantasies of grandeur and unlimited success. They often manifest an almost exhibitionistic need for attention and admiration from others.
Furthermore, these people are unable to recognize and perceive both the evaluations and the feelings of others (reading other people’s minds and empathy). They tend to exploit others to achieve their goals, as well as to despise the value of others’ work.
Perhaps the peculiar characteristic of pathological narcissism is precisely the lack of empathy . From this comes the belief that one’s needs come before anything else. Narcissists also argue that their way of seeing things is the only one that is universally right.
The suffering behind the narcissistic mask
Behind this mask, however, the pathological narcissist usually exhibits a fragile self-esteem that makes him vulnerable to what he perceives as criticism. Often, narcissists believe that others envy them, but are hypersensitive to criticism, failure, or setback. The dimension represented by the tendency towards grandeur, uniqueness and superiority is therefore contrasted by feelings of inferiority, fragility, vulnerability and fear of confrontation .
When faced with an inability to satisfy their high opinion of themselves, narcissists can become angry. Sometimes they develop panic attacks , become deeply depressed, or even attempt self-harm . This is usually the moment when it usually comes to the attention of a clinician (symptoms related to anxiety , depression , excessive worries are reported ).
The most typical characteristics, reported to clinicians, are in fact a sense of emptiness and dissatisfaction , depression or hypomania , suicidal ideation , derealization , dysphoria.
The impact of pathological narcissism can be significant in many areas of life, such as relationships, work, school: it is obvious that the consequences of the narcissist’s behavior can play a central role also in psychotherapeutic work, in which a relationship is established. of attachment par excellence.
Causes of pathological narcissism
The causes of pathological narcissism are not clearly and unambiguously defined. Often, this picture results from the combination of several social and biological factors that intervene in the course of the individual’s development. In particular, the development of the disorder can be favored by growing up in a disabling family environment, characterized by behavioral inhibition by two hyper-demanding parents .
The narcissistic personality disorder (or the high narcissism in general) can also result from the growth in familiar surroundings unable to provide the child with the necessary emotional attention and the consequent satisfaction of his needs. Over time, in response to this attitude, the subject would resolve the continuing threat to their self-esteem, developing a sort of sense of superiority.
Pathological narcissism and romantic relationships
The lack of empathy of the pathological narcissist becomes central in relationships, especially sentimental ones. From the outside, the person with high levels of narcissism looks like “the ideal person”, the one that everyone dreams of, very well placed on a social and professional level.
Usually he is skilled in appearing for what he is not, the first form of manipulation he puts in place. He is often very gifted intellectually and appears very confident, even though he needs to constantly nurture his self-esteem. In reality, in fact, the internal world of the narcissist is characterized by a great emptiness , he has often lacked the gratifications from the mother.
Those suffering from pathological narcissism have suffered trauma in attachment relationships, have not been protected, nor have they been given rules (it has often been a child who had to become an adult very quickly, at least in the family context).
Once he becomes an adult, he must keep others in check, the world around him. When pathological narcissism predominates, the other does not exist, and all attempts that the partner will make to try to change the person will be useless. The narcissist is in fact insensitive to the suffering of others, is not empathetic and does not know how to feel, even if he does everything to appear sensitive and empathetic.
The stages of the relationship with narcissists
In particular, three phases can be identified in the relationship with the partner :
Phase 1 – Seduction
The one with high levels of narcissism shows the best of himself. At this time, pay close attention to showing a false self, lying, playing some kind of role. The goal is for the other to fall in love and take care of him.
In the beginning, therefore, he shows a vulnerable side of himself, trying to activate the sense of care in the partner. Often recounting an unhappy childhood, it evokes in the other the desire to make him happy at all costs, changing himself, modifying himself to meet his expectations, thus entering the circuit of the challenge. The partner is convinced that he can satisfy him and that he can change him.
Phase 2 – Intrusion
The two partners form a couple and their lives intersect on various levels: sentimental, economic, social.
The subject with pathological narcissism acts to isolate the other from his family, his friends, from work. On an individual level he acts by making him feel more and more fragile through the use of criticism, which he first uses subtly, then increasingly heavily. Socially, the narcissist is highly valued, so if the partner complains to his family or people he has as a point of reference, these will tend to belittle his observations.
Phase 3 – Destruction of the other
The pathological narcissism emerges with all its strength and the subject becomes more demanding, violent, jealous and distant.
At this point in the relationship, he has already managed to make the other feel nothing, unsure of himself, often worthless. It is not unusual for the narcissist to use verbal and / or physical violence.
Verbal alternates moments of sweetness with moments of aggression and it is these oscillations that make the partner even more dependent, who is destabilized and no longer knows how to behave. She hesitates to forgive him and then forgives him thinking he will change. Through the abuse (psychological, emotional and much more rarely physical) the partner becomes paralyzed, thus losing their abilities.
Treatment of pathological narcissism
The treatment of this disorder is centered on cognitive therapy , which often requires a long time and a great commitment, especially on the part of the therapist. These must constantly monitor themselves and monitor the relationship and the various interpersonal cycles that can be activated with the narcissistic patient.
The treatment of Narcissistic Personality Disorder is often very difficult, as the patient is usually not aware of his or her problem and the effect it has on other people. Traditional antidepressant therapies have no effect on pathological narcissism.
The disorder can be managed with medium- to long-term cognitive-behavioral therapy , but it requires specialists who emphasize empathy and do not challenge their patients’ perfectionism , feelings of privilege and grandiosity.
