A lot of people ask me about how to overcome crises in the relationship. Today I’m going to show you the real story of a student’s overcoming. Cleide Cardoso tells how she left an abusive and possessive relationship and started again as a single mother. Do you want to know a little bit more? Watch the video below with her testimony and let’s talk a little more about the main problems that can affect women.
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You saw in the video that she went through many phases and managed to become a much better woman, with an incredible self-esteem and this influenced both her new relationship and raising her children.
Many women come to me and tell me that they are going through the same situation, that’s why I decided to create this article, so that we can talk better about these matters and so that you, if you are in a situation similar to Cleide’s, know how overcome the crises in the relationship and get out of this once and for all!
Today we’re going to talk about:
- When the relationship falls into the routine
- How to identify if you live a possessive relationship
- How to be a single and happy mother
- How to overcome the crises in the relationship and start over
When the relationship falls into the routine
I already spoke here on the blog about some, say, exciting ways to get out of the rut … But what about when the problem is really more serious? Because, let’s agree, after a while it is normal that the relationship is no longer the same as in the beginning. This has nothing to do with the fact that you stopped liking each other, or that you want to look for other people, but simply what made your stomach feel chilly at the beginning of dating now doesn’t make that much difference anymore …
The hottest kisses are no longer part of a couple’s life, you just give a kiss to say goodbye. One no longer makes a point of getting ready for the other. Romantic dinners, cinema for two, making out on the couch … Is all this behind us?
I believe that the work to change the relationship and get out of the routine should be both. After all, the two must work to get out of this situation. However, someone has to start. We women usually find it easier to express our feelings. Men are usually more closed and have a harder time admitting that something is wrong. How about, then, you start taking some practical steps? I’m sure he will notice the change and be motivated to change some things as well.
So you ask me: “Cátia, how to overcome the crises in the relationship and the routine?”. If you have the chance, sit down to talk about the routine that hit your relationship. Talk about what you can change, what you would like to do again and try to make small changes. Over time, the changes will appear more natural.
Practical tips for getting out of the rut
– Surprise : be creative in bed, dare in new lingerie , propose sex in new places, take him to do a couple program that you haven’t done in a long time, plan a trip …
– Take care of your self-esteem : nothing better than feeling beautiful, and it does not depend on your partner! He will surely notice when you are feeling confident! Take care of yourself, put those everyday pajamas off for a while and see how it can have more effects than you think!
– Dialogue : talk about the difficulties you have, the things you like to do together, about how you like it when the other does a certain thing … Nothing better than understanding each other so that you can improve together.
– Toys : has sex also become routine? How about betting on toys ? I’m sure you will, at the very least, have fun!
How to identify if you live a possessive relationship
When you are in a possessive relationship everything that was good can become difficult and challenging. A possessive partner compromises your relationship with your friends, your family, your job … The problem is when you think that the fact that he shows jealousy beyond normal is a sign that he likes you. Jealousy in the relationship (in small doses) is quite normal, but when things start to get out of control you need to be aware!
Here are 6 warning signs of possessiveness in relationships:
- You always have to explain where you are
- He manipulates you with his behavior
- He wants to take control of various areas of your life and make decisions for you
- He tries to isolate you from the people you knew before him
- The jealousy he has is unusual
- He doesn’t think “everyone should have their own space” and wants to go with you wherever you go
How to avoid a possessive relationship?
– Try dialogue: talking is always the best option in relationships, so that one gets to know what the other thinks. Be calm to speak and be objective, because it will probably not be an easy conversation and he will deny being possessive at first. But beware: don’t let him emotionally blackmail you!
– Every time he acts possessively, try to calm him down by saying what you feel for him and that there is no reason for him to feel that way
– If the situation of stress in the relationship is very advanced, it is good to suggest that he seek professional help, such as a psychologist
How to be a single and happy mother
This I can say very well, because those who know my history know that I have been through this situation. I left my first marriage with two young children, my self-esteem destroyed and very afraid, after all, I would have to manage by myself, work, take care of the house and manage to raise my two children.
One of the first things I thought when I split up was that I didn’t want to date anyone anymore, after all, my relationship had been really bad and I wouldn’t have time to find another man, besides, who would want to date a single mother?
It was only after some time that I let go. I started to work, and I was already able to organize myself with my children’s schedules. I started to find more of my friends, talk more about my insecurities and look for things that gave me pleasure, like dancing. When I let things happen naturally, without getting stuck or with negative thoughts, it was that I met Robson, my husband, and there I saw that, regardless of being a separate woman and with children, I had the right to be happy!
I learned everything I know about being a mother in practice, and today I’m going to share some things with you, but the important thing is that you know that to be an incredible mother, you don’t need a father. Also, learn to adapt these tips to your routine!
- Patience : parents need to be patient to always create. When you are a single mother, you need to have twice as much, because all the decisions, tantrums and teachings are up to you.
- Accept help : yes. You are a single mother, but that doesn’t mean you have to do everything yourself. Breeding is tiring, and there’s no problem asking for help when you need it!
- Be prepared for emergencies : always have the medicines your children need and a list of people who can help you in an hour of need.
- Don’t cancel yourself : your children are important, but so are you. Be sure to take care of yourself and do things that give you pleasure.
- Don’t be afraid of your loving future : learn to live alone and increase your confidence in yourself. You are no better or worse for not being married. Your children are a priority in your life, but do not shut yourself off from the possibilities that the world offers you. Things happen when you are okay with yourself!
How to overcome the crises in the relationship and start over
When a woman leaves a relationship, especially when it is a relationship of many years and has children involved, starting over is difficult. Discovering how to overcome crises in the relationship seems distant and almost impossible …
I went through this, and I went through many phases until I became the woman I am today. Like Cleide, I had left my life as a woman and my self-esteem aside. I didn’t feel beautiful or able to attract another man as a divorced mother. I didn’t think I would have the time, or the willingness, to meet another man and start another relationship.
And how many women have I not met who think the same thing? Who do not know how to overcome crises in the relationship, who think they will not be able to take care of themselves, take care of their children, the house, have a job?…
I’ll give you some tips for you to work on your self-esteem:
- Analyze your life and learn to enjoy what you have in the present
- Be calm and know that changes, even for the better, take time
- Don’t be too strict with yourself and don’t listen to criticism so much
- Don’t run away from challenges. Did you know that going through them will make you discover a strength you didn’t know you had
- Invest in yourself: take care of yourself and try to do activities you like
I know that many women who are reading this post are going through some, or several, of these situations, and I also know that being in any of these situations does not depend on age or relationship time. I want you to finish reading and be motivated to change what you live in now! Only you can become the best version of yourself and find out how to overcome crises in the relationship. I have an invitation for you to develop the best …