The loneliness is experienced in human nature. It can be a source of well-being or suffering, it depends on the context and the wealth of subjective experiences.
Staying with oneself can be a pleasant refuge and a moment of attention to one’s inner self or, on the contrary, connote a negative state of despair. This is when it recalls experiences of abandonment and exclusion .
Who felt lonely during the Coronavirus pandemic?
A new study, now published in the scientific journal Personality and Individual Differences, has taken an important step towards a better understanding of individual differences in loneliness .
The study looked at the largest group of volunteers ever studied on the topic (over 46,000 volunteers aged 16 to 99, from 237 different countries) and highlighted three important factors.
- Age Affects Loneliness: Contrary to popular belief, older people clearly reported less frequent loneliness than younger people.
- Gender affects loneliness: Men reported more frequent loneliness than women.
- Society Influences Loneliness: People who lived in individualistic societies (such as the United States), where individual success is an important life goal, reported loneliness more frequently. This is compared to people living in more collectivist societies (such as Guatemala), where the needs and goals of a larger group such as the family are more important than individual success.
Individual differences in dealing with loneliness
Beyond the three factors highlighted by the aforementioned study, we have been able to see how in recent months the individual responses to the containment and prevention measures imposed to stem the pandemic have been very different.
For some people, loneliness has become a profound distress , others seem to have coped very well with growing social isolation.
Surely those who have suffered more in their psychological and emotional history experiences of loneliness and unresolved relational traumas. In these situations, isolation can become a real trigger for suffering. It can also take away the usual stress-coping resources and strategies .
There are those who have found an area of comfort in isolation, who have “authorized” or even imposed to avoid “difficult” situations, but then leading to a growing difficulty in “getting out of the nest” and re-exposing themselves to the demands of life normal.
And there are those who have been amazed at their ability to deal with such a difficult situation and have perhaps had proof of the effectiveness of the treatment and change paths they have made.
Certainly loneliness is an unnatural condition if it becomes a chronic state and in this condition it can lead to states of psychological distress. With symptoms of depressive type , anxious up to panic and post-traumatic stress disorder .
This is because our mind has developed over the course of evolution to be relational (Siegel, 2013). Our brain needs the relationship with the other to grow and learn, to build meanings about itself and the world, to regulate itself and find well-being.
The polyvagal theory
Creating bonds is a biological imperative for humans
After 40 years of studies and research, Stephen Porges has brought with his Polyvagal Theory (Porges, 2014) invaluable information about the functioning of our autonomic nervous system. He explained more comprehensively what are the anatomical and functional basis of the ways in which we seek adaptation and safety in the world and the different reactions of man to dangerous situations.
The central point is that mammals need to establish social relationships in order to survive, and the nervous system in humans has developed according to three fundamental principles: neuroception, hierarchy and co-regulation.
Neuroception
It is that process through which our nervous system detects in every moment of our life the signs of safety, danger and threat coming from our body, from the surrounding environment and from our connections with others.
It is a continuous and automatic process that operates outside of our awareness and does not involve the thinking parts of our brain.
When a danger is detected, our autonomic nervous system automatically activates defensive responses following three hierarchically organized levels .
Hierarchical order
The autonomic nervous system responds to bodily sensations and signals from the environment automatically through three response pathways . These paths work in a specific hierarchical order and respond to different challenges in predictable ways.
In evolutionary order from the oldest to the most modern they are:
- The Parasympathetic Systemwhich involves the dorsal part of the vagus nerve . It is the oldest part of the autonomic nervous system and responds to extreme danger signals. When we are unable to fight or flee in the face of the detected danger, it brings an analgesic response. It pushes us to move away from awareness and connections to a protective state of collapse. It makes us feel immobilized and numb, not present. It is that defensive reaction that we have inherited and that we still have in common with reptiles.
- The Sympathetic Systemdeveloped immediately after the dorsal vagal tract and introduced the ability to act. In fact, it responds to danger signals by fueling the fight-flight reaction, therefore the mobilization of energy through a whole series of physiological modifications of hyperarousal including the release of adrenaline.
- The Parasympathetic Systemwhich involves the ventral part of the vagus nerve . It is the part that evolved lastly, is myelinated and typical of mammals. It regulates the activity of the organs located above the diaphragm (lungs, heart) and guides the muscles of the face, the pharynx and determines our ability to express emotions with the face, the voice, the prosody. Under dangerous conditions, the ventrovagal circuit promotes social engagement behaviors and has a calming effect. It allows us to send “invitations” to connect with us, we seek and offer comfort. It responds to safety signals and fosters the feeling of having a secure engagement and social connections.
The overcoming of the classical paradigm
The identification of these three paths has led to the overcoming of the classic paradigm, which instead sees the autonomic nervous system as an alternation and balance between the sympathetic and parasympathetic systems , therefore between hyper-reaction (attack / flight) and relaxation / recovery of the ‘homeostasis.
In reality the responses of our nervous system are organized in a hierarchical way. This means that we first use the adaptive responses that come from the most recent steps of our evolution (ventrovagal pathway). When these do not work to make us safe, it uses the most primitive answers gradually, following back the evolutionary history of our species (sympathetic system and dorsovagal way).
Co-regulation: the search for security in the other
So hyper-reactivity isn’t the only way we have to defend ourselves. In the event of a perceived threat, the first thing we do is seek safety in the other .
Being together (social engagement) has become essential for us to survive. It is through the mutual regulation of our nervous systems (through neuroception and the ventral vagus system) that we create relationships of trust and feel safe.
Reciprocity is a connection between people , it nourishes and strengthens us. It is giving and receiving; listen and respond. It is repairing breaks, feeling harmony, resonance. It is to care and to take care of.
So in the course of evolution we learned that in addition to escaping, the protection of other human beings could help us and this led to refine our abilities to tune in and seek collaborative relationships.
An individual in social interaction can stabilize his neurophysiological condition: if the environment is perceived as safe, the defense responses are inhibited and the safety condition that derives from the relationship is reflected in the visceral sensations.
The ventrovagal circuit allows us, when we are in a safe condition, to promote other safety. We intercept these signals through social interaction, instinctively decoding messages that come from eye contact and voice. By sending response signals, entering into relationships and promoting the self-regulation of physiological sensations.
The implications for psychotherapy
Polyvagal theory has revolutionized our criterion for observing physiological survival reactions in the face of situations perceived as dangerous. It provided a fundamental model of understanding of what happens from a neuraoanatomical point of view when an individual experiences persistent trauma within their attachment relationships.
While programmed to live in connection with one another, human beings are at the same time programmed to survive. The relational trauma makes the co-threatening setting. When connecting is no longer perceived as safe, our autonomous system distances us from social exchanges, or makes them conflictual, precisely in function of our continuous search for security.
This theory can help therapists to better understand the behaviors and reactions of their patients, helping to consider the underlying reasons rooted in a history of “survival” that is automatically reached.
It helps therapists to help their patients understand the protective intentions of their autonomic responses, helping to overcome feelings of shame and self-blame typical of those who have survived a trauma . And it helps therapists to create the conditions for the presence in the therapeutic setting of a physiological state that supports an active social engagement system and that state of security with the other absolutely necessary for good therapeutic work.
The protracted distance from others
Loneliness carries a persistent message of instability and our nervous system remains stressed in survival seeking mode. In a stressful condition , becoming a physical and emotional risk factor.
Perhaps being aware that one’s isolation or respect for distance serves everyone can help make it more bearable. Knowing to offer help to others in fact contributes to making us feel more interconnected and therefore safer.
