“I do not want anything”
This question came from the audience at one of the master classes. Pay attention – this is more of a statement, but not a question, much is already becoming clear.
I asked for clarification.
– K: You see, I don’t want anything. Strive somewhere, do something. I literally don’t want anything!
Here it crashes for me:
– T: For whom do you not want?
The woman thought about it. The smile disappeared from her face. The gaze rushed somewhere through me – into her memories.
– T: Who drove you somewhere all the time, insisted?
The woman covered her face with her hand and sighed heavily.
This is a group meeting – they can’t stand personal ones. She came up to me after and asked for my phone number. The truth never came.
I will share a possibly insane insight.
Laziness is the most mysterious mechanism, it seems to me. She’s underestimated.
Laziness – lack of desire to act, work. This is the desire for idleness or relaxation.
Most of the requests in sessions are to get rid of this urge and finally start doing something useful and productive.
Laziness often hides apathy, depression, and protest.
“Laziness can be a manifestation of low self-esteem. People with low self-esteem may doubt their abilities so much that, having done nothing, they already doom themselves to a negative result. Why do something if it doesn’t work? “
Laziness can be very resourceful and even vital.
It’s a pity nobody comes and asks “How to become a lazy woman?”
More often it is “How to do everything!”
Topical perfectionism of modern people, especially young ladies, fueled by multitasking, is perfectly prevented by laziness.
In such requests, I try to use LAZY as a resource.
Client (2 children, brings up one):
– You see, I paid for two training programs. And the youngest child must be enrolled in the garden. There is a blockage at the dacha. I do not have time for anything! I need to finish the programs by February, but I … I don’t sleep at night anyway, I’m nervous and I’m constantly afraid of not being in time. And things are not diminishing or diminishing.
– T: How can I help you? Write your diploma for you? (I smile, the client is studying to be a psychologist)
– K: I became very nervous and break into children. I don’t want to be like that for them … I’m constantly on edge.
– T: What strains you the most?
– K: Yes, everything! All these things, all these SHOULD! I just want to be with the kids!
– T: What prevents you from just relaxing and being with your children?
– K: I want to set an example for children! That in this life you need to work hard to achieve something.
– T: Is it important to rest in this life?
– K: Oh, what are you! They already know how to be lazy!
– T: And you?
– K: Me? Just sit on the couch do you mean?
– T: For example.
– K: Scary … Scary as it became, as presented.
– T: What are you afraid of?
Then we went to the controlling parents and not only. Cases of psychosomatic manifestations after refusing to rest were found out.
For example, when a client refused to take a vacation – there were bouts of tachycardia, pressure, the second time – stomach problems, the third time – a broken leg – as a result, three sick leaves. Of course, but there is no way out for a good reason to lie on the couch! This is not laziness at all.
There is no need to be saved from laziness.
Only if competent diagnostics revealed “pseudo laziness” – apathy and passivity, as depressive symptoms.
Laziness sometimes appears in the aftermath of trauma and is an indispensable component of recovery, saves from impulsive actions and saves energy.
I propose to regain laziness by often calling it humility.
Clients don’t “take” laziness, they don’t use it .
Humility – Lack of pride, willingness to submit to someone else’s will.
Someone else’s will is both the needs of the body and the divine plan, if such terminology is used in work with a client, and just in life. We often have to act under given conditions.
I urged you to act whenever you need to pull yourself out of apathy and despondency.
I urge you to be lazy, not to do, to observe, contemplate, to accept.
Trust what’s going on.
Both approaches are correct.
For example:
A woman on maternity leave does not have time for banal household chores – she may strive to be in time, strain and spend precious resources and invaluable minutes on it that can be spent with the baby.
But, having resigned herself to the new status, with dust on the windowsill in the end, and allowing herself to “lazily” enjoy the company of the child and walks – she will be much happier and more harmonious, safer for the baby.
A healthy person is a flexible person !
Competently including laziness as one of the facets of humility is a guarantee of health.
“Do not do, do not strive” – brings calmness to life, in the case when desires and tasks are not feasible at the moment.
