Love is universal, it is the force that moves everything. However, we express, give and receive this love in different ways. Just as there are several languages like Spanish, English, French, Japanese and others, there are also some basic “languages” to express love. As these languages vary, you can speak a “language”, but your partner, your parents, your siblings, your friends, others you love, can speak another language and this can cause a little noise in the relationship. To help understand this question, check out the 5 languages of love and find out which one you speak.
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In today’s text, we’re going to talk about
- Languages and how they are used
- The 5 languages of love
- Start using the languages of love
Languages and how they are used
Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book called “The Five Languages of Love”, an interesting journey through several chapters that offers very good alternatives to the various situations that arise between couples. Each of its chapters contains truths that open up new ways to save a bankrupt marriage or couple. Or it helps to better understand loving relationships in general, whether with our family, between parents and children.
These languages can be very important for the relationship to improve substantially, not only as a couple, but between friends, colleagues or family. Chapman emphasizes that the way love is shown is very personal and different. Likewise, the way you understand and show love can be different from that of your partner. So, when you know all these languages, you can start to understand some issues in your relationship and have new ideas on how to express your love.
The 5 languages of love
1. Affirming words
This type of language means that we extol the other person’s good deeds or qualities, without falling into unnecessary adulation. The goal is for the other person to feel appreciated and to fairly recognize their main achievements or successful actions. This language is for those who need, through words, to know that they do good things, that we value their work, effort and dedication.
How to use it – The idea is to instill value in the loved one, to emphasize his achievements instead of criticizing the failures. If what you do is criticize, you help to sink a person for whom the words of affirmation are very important. So bear in mind that there are people for whom it is vital to feel love through words. But affirmative, non-destructive words.
It is recommended to use direct, simple and forceful phrases: “I love you very much,” I love it when you explain it to me so well “. However, it is important that the words spoken are true and come from the heart.
2- Quality time
People prefer that love be shown with real attention when they are with their partner, regardless of whether it is just a few hours or a few minutes. The priority in this love language is to be focused on the time being shared with the partner. Quality time is not so much the act, but the fun of sharing it with our loved ones; listening and being heard, without haste or other distractions.
How to use – Do activities in common and give all your time and attention to your partner. You can have dinner together, walk, talk while having a good wine. Avoid being distracted by the cell phone, TV, social networks. If there is an urgent interruption, apologize and turn your attention to him as soon as you can.
The meaning of the gift seems to have lost its value in a consumer society: “The more gifts and the more expensive, the better”, this is the maxim of people, regardless of their need or usefulness. However, there are gifts that express a lot of love and affection for being made by the person or for being bought with care. In that language, people appreciate that their partner has devoted time, money and effort to make them happy.
How to use it – We invest resources like time, money or special materials to do something, look for the right gift for a special person. This act involves feelings and attitudes, not money. Gifts can range from a car to simple details, such as unforeseen messages, a card with no special reason and even giving our time to share with that special person. If you want some ideas, we made an article with gift tips, which you can check out here.
4- Acts of service
In this language, love is demonstrated through small acts. They do not necessarily have to be something out of the ordinary, in fact a series of “small and constant” acts are worth more than a “large and unique” act. It is not a necessity or an obligation, but something generously done to help others ”. Those who prefer this language consider that “an action is worth a thousand words”, so highly value the things that the partner does for them.
How to use- Trying to please the loved one with small acts can be rewarding. They can be simple situations, like paying the bills, maintaining the car, helping set up your cell phone, cooking, washing the dishes after dinner. This should be done with a smile on your face, without expecting anything in return.
5- Physical touch
Several studies have shown that young children who have been hugged and have a lot of physical contact gain greater confidence in themselves. This is because it is quite common for “physical touch” to be used as a powerful communicator of love. This is the simplest and most direct form of communication. For some people, physical contact is their main language, as they feel safe and happy through it; and without them they don’t feel loved.
How to use- The first thing you will think of when thinking about this language is sex, but it is not limited to just that: it is about showing love with hugs, kisses, caresses, massages, holding hands in public, watching a movie together , supporting each other and of course, having sex. These are ways of transmitting and receiving love from the couple.
Start using the languages of love
When we know the 5 languages of love, they may seem obvious, but if we think for a moment, we rarely tell people how we prefer them to show love. Since no one has a crystal ball, this lack of communication can lead to frustration and misunderstanding, as we often expect a form of love demonstration and are not attended to.
It is important that you identify how you like to show love, but also know what language your partner prefers, so that you can express your feelings effectively. In this way, you will start speaking the same “language”, and your relationship will certainly improve. How about starting to use the languages of love today?