Jealousy. What do we know about her? We know that this is a pretty strong feeling that many people can experience. At the same time, for someone it is negative, but someone considers it a completely natural feeling for any healthy person. Someone believes that jealousy kills love, and someone on the contrary, sees in this feeling a direct proof of love – since he is jealous, then he loves. Someone considers jealousy a sign of a person’s self-doubt, and for someone this is the most common struggle for their happiness. I believe that jealousy does not have any specific color – negative or positive. This is really a feeling that is inherent in all people, it just happens to different people in different ways and not everyone can control it. I also believe that without jealousy, our life would not be so interesting, so exciting, so vibrant and vibrant. Though, I must admit that without her, and madness in our lives would also be less. Still, jealous people can sometimes do incredible stupid things. In this article, friends, we will talk about what jealousy is, how to control it and how to treat jealous people.
So, first of all, let’s look at what jealousy is. A qualitative definition of this concept will allow us to go very far in understanding it. Jealousy is first and foremost a feeling. Let’s not rush to call it destructive or something else. First, let’s figure out what it is. And any feeling is a spontaneous process that exerts its influence on a person’s behavior against his will. If you look even deeper, we can say that jealousy is one of man’s innate reactions to the outside world, which he does not control well. You probably know that feelings evoke emotions, and emotions are difficult to control, especially if they are very strong. So, a feeling of jealousy is in every person, there is no doubt about it. Everyone is jealous, both adults and children. Children are mostly jealous of their parents. And adults are mostly jealous of their partners. So we have this feeling from birth. However, jealousy cannot be called a completely innate feeling, because some moments in the behavior of jealous people are acquired. We can not just be jealous, we can do it in different ways. That is, we can learn to express our feelings of jealousy in some specific way. In some cases, it is expressed mainly through resentment, in others through aggression, in third cases through fear and so on. And in the same way, a person, depending on his development, can be very jealous or moderately jealous and even practically not at all jealous. It all depends on how his life develops. If a person’s life develops well, he achieves a lot, has a lot and, thanks to his successes, feels quite confident, that feeling of jealousy in him will be expressed very weakly and only in exceptional situations. And if he lacks attention, love, respect, sympathy from others and because of this he is not confident in himself, then he can be very jealous. So the ability to satisfy our needs at the expense and with the help of other people affects our sense of jealousy in the most direct way.
Let’s go ahead and see what a feeling of jealousy consists of. Here we can give him several definitions at once. Jealousy is insecurity. Jealousy is fear. Jealousy is pride. Jealousy is selfishness. Jealousy is envy. And one can only say, very carefully, that jealousy is love. But immediately we make a reservation that love is expressed in jealousy when a jealous person thinks of a person dear to him, of his interests and happiness, and not just of himself. So jealousy can be quite diverse. More precisely, this feeling consists of different feelings and therefore can manifest itself in different ways. Let’s look at all these components of jealousy in more detail.
A person’s self-doubt is a very common reason for jealousy. But let’s think – what exactly are people not sure about when they are jealous of what their abilities are? They are not sure that they will be able to find a replacement for the person they need and who are jealous if he leaves them. Here they are afraid for their future. They are also not sure of their competitiveness, therefore they are afraid that their partner will give the necessary attention, love, respect and other resources to someone else. In this case, they are afraid for their present. You can also add that in childhood they did not receive enough love, affection, attention and warmth, therefore they feel unsatisfied – they may miss the attention they receive from their partner. Here they are already afraid of a repetition of the past. So, as you see, insecure people are afraid of a lot,
При этом хочу заметить, что в случае с неуверенными людьми, не страх играет ключевую роль, а не способность этих людей противопоставить этому страху сильное решение. Часто они боятся того, с чем вполне могли бы справиться, но их неуверенность подавляет в них сильные качества и вынуждает вести себя достаточно эмоционально и хаотично. Из-за этого их ревность похожа на состояние полного отчаяния, когда они ведут себя, так сказать, капризно, пытаясь таким образом чего-то добиться от других людей. Сами они объясняют свою ревность любовью к дорогому им человеку, что не всегда соответствует действительности. Часто неуверенные в себе люди не столько любят того, кого ревнуют, сколько держатся за этого человека, как за единственную, по их мнению, возможность с кем-то быть. Любить таким людям сложно, так как чувство любви у них приглушается чувством страха. Такие люди часто, что называется, болеют ревностью, то есть, она у них находится в хронической форме. Их ревность мешает им объективно смотреть на вещи. Иной раз они даже специально ищут возможность обидеться на человека, чтобы привлечь к себе его внимание в виде жалости. При этом, я часто замечал за такими людьми одну особенность – они могут легко отказаться от своего партнера ради более, с их точки зрения, интересного человека. Так что являясь большими ревнивцами, неуверенные в себе люди нередко сами предают своего партнера, ради кого-то условно лучшего. Так что ревность этих людей – это не доказательство их любви к человеку. Но бывают, разумеется, и исключения.
In order to successfully interact with such people, it is necessary to show them their dependence on them. This is the first step in a great way to instill more confidence in them and make them less jealous. Well, then these people need to be helped to consistently increase their self-confidence through a competent strategy so that, on the one hand, they are not overly jealous and do not poison your life, but on the other hand, they don’t go to the other extreme and begin to imagine themselves whom.
As for the feeling of fear, here everything can be reduced to human needs, for the satisfaction of which appropriate resources are needed. And people are also a resource and very valuable. People can give each other a lot, both materially and spiritually. Therefore, when a person is afraid that he will not be able to satisfy one or another of his needs with the help of another person – his partner, due to the fact that he can start or has already started relations on the side – he is jealous of him. For example, a wife can be jealous of her husband for another woman, including because he is because of this woman is able to deprive her of part of the resources that she needs, the same money. At the same time, it is possible that she himself may not really need a man – she needs only those resources that she receives from him. This is an option. Or a man may be afraid not to satisfy his need for sex, due to the fact that his woman communicates with another man and therefore may leave him. As a man, as a person, a woman may not be interested in a man at all, but he needs her as a sexual partner. These are all possible loss of resources and, as a result, the inability to satisfy their needs with their help – cause fear in people, which in turn takes the form of jealousy. Of course, fear is closely linked to uncertainty, but unlike it, it is based on a real, not fictitious, threat to lose the resources necessary to meet various needs. Such a fear can arise in completely self-confident people, since any person is afraid of losing something. Fear of loss is a very strong fear.
As for pride – another component of jealousy, which for some people can prevail over other components, this feeling is expressed in the restrained ego of a jealous person who believes that there’s nobody who can be deceived, betrayed, abandoned, exchange for another. It’s like you know, to think that everyone around you love as much as you love yourself. Which is naturally not so. However, some individuals have a very high self-esteem, so they are furious that other people do not treat them the same way they relate to themselves. They do not like that others do not see them as gods. Such proud people are very sensitive to any refusal from other people, and even more so from their partners. They usually consider their partners their property, which can be disposed of at will. They do not seek to create equal relations with other people – they want to own them. Jealousy embraces these people usually when their partner declares his interests and desires, contrary to their will and desires. And this jealousy is expressed, as a rule, in a rather aggressive form. Proud people are not afraid to lose their partner, they are afraid to lose their faith in their own greatness. It is better to be careful with such people, because jealousy based on pride often pushes jealousy to quite crazy actions. From such people need to leave suddenly and quickly, so as not to become a victim of their jealousy. contrary to their will and desires. And this jealousy is expressed, as a rule, in a rather aggressive form. Proud people are not afraid to lose their partner, they are afraid to lose their faith in their own greatness. It is better to be careful with such people, because jealousy based on pride often pushes jealousy to quite crazy actions. From such people need to leave suddenly and quickly, so as not to become a victim of their jealousy. contrary to their will and desires. And this jealousy is expressed, as a rule, in a rather aggressive form. Proud people are not afraid to lose their partner, they are afraid to lose their faith in their own greatness. It is better to be careful with such people, because jealousy based on pride often pushes jealousy to quite crazy actions. From such people need to leave suddenly and quickly, so as not to become a victim of their jealousy.
As for selfishness, it is best seen when the jealous person is not honest enough with his partner, but from him, from the partner, he expects devotion and loyalty. You know, there are people, both among men and among women, who themselves are not averse to having an affair on the side, but their partners are forbidden to do so. They think only of themselves and their desires and needs, and the needs and desires of other people do not interest them. Their jealousy is a desire to limit others without limiting themselves. Such people behave like children – they want to take, but do not want to give anything in return. This often leads them to loneliness. Children, by the way, are also jealous of their parents precisely because of selfishness. A child can hate his brother or sister only because mom and dad give him their attention and care about him. Wherein, this child may also have enough, but he will still be jealous. Such jealousy, I believe, is an indicator of a person’s dependence on other people, because of which he shows a feeling of greed. He is jealous not so much because he is afraid of losing something, but because he wants to have as much as possible. Among adults, there are many such egoists who behave like children. They are not jealous because they lack something or because their partner, friend, gives cause for jealousy. They are jealous because they just want more. For them, only they exist and their interests and desires. But they are not able to understand the interests, desires, feelings, needs of other people. As for the attitude to such people and their jealousy, I can only recommend one thing to you – try to stay away from them. This is the best way to counter selfish jealousy. The best, in my opinion, punishment for the egoist is loneliness.
Speaking of envy as another component of jealousy, one can say the following: often jealous people believe that both those whom they are jealous and those to whom they are jealous receive more from life than they do. You know, when a person is deprived or feels deprived, he hates those who, as it seems to him, receive more from life. In fact, envy is often a false feeling. It can only seem to a person that other people have a better life than him, while each person has his own problems, his own difficulties, his own trials. But for jealousy based on envy, all these considerations have no meaning. People are jealous because they envy, and envy because they do not know how to value and enjoy what they have. Such people just need to be shown how beautiful their life is and if necessary, to show how terrible it is for those whom they envy. It is especially important to understand the relationship with a partner so that no one feels left out. Jealousy often appears in those relationships in which people live with each other under conditions in which one of them has more rights and freedom than the other. This causes resentment, anger, envy in a deprived partner and these feelings begin to nourish a feeling of jealousy, which often turns into a feeling of hatred. Such a life leads people to a standstill. To cope with such jealousy and not envy anyone – you need to improve the quality of your life. You need to communicate with a large number of interesting people, constantly make new acquaintances, do your favorite things, please yourself more often with what you like. In other words, you need to enjoy life by satisfying your needs and not think about
As you can see, friends, such a feeling as selfishness can combine several other feelings that can be considered negative or neutral, depending on how you look at them. If you are jealous of someone, then you must understand what feelings and to what extent nourish your jealousy in order to understand how you can take this feeling under control. And it is necessary to do this, so as not to become his victim. Indeed, sometimes jealousy can push a person to such violent acts as murder or suicide, which, as you know, is absolutely stupid. And in order to avoid this stupidity, you need to study your feelings – look for the reasons that cause them and deal with them. And at the same time, it is advisable to study the feelings of the people around you, especially close people. After all, if these people are jealous of someone, then in the future you can expect unpleasant surprises from them. Jealous people often get hung up on their jealousy, thus contributing to the development of this feeling. And over time, it becomes chronic. Chronic propensity for jealousy is called jealousy. When this sensual affliction strikes a person, jealousy becomes an end in itself for him.
Despite the foregoing, I would not be myself if I had not said that jealousy is good. She, in her specific form, makes people more thrifty in relationships, teaches them to value what they have and helps them fight for their happiness. After all, what alternative does jealousy have? – This is complete indifference to other people, to a partner and excessive self-confidence when a person does not care how his partner behaves, with whom he communicates, what he wants and so on, because he knows that he can always find a replacement for him. On the one hand, it looks quite bold, but on the other hand, with this approach to life, people absolutely do not value and do not cherish the relationship they have and do not try to keep their partner, friend, if they see that they are losing it. They do not seek to understand and sometimes even forgive people they love, believing that they can easily find a replacement for them. And in the end, any relationship may be in jeopardy if people completely stop jealous of each other, and therefore will not be afraid to lose each other. And there will be no talk of any forgiveness of each other either, in cases where one of the partners makes a mistake. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we don’t try to keep our loved one jealous of us, if we don’t fight for a relationship with him, we don’t try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. if people completely cease to be jealous of each other, and therefore will not be afraid to lose each other. And there will be no talk of any forgiveness of each other either, in cases where one of the partners makes a mistake. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we do not try to keep our loved one with our jealousy, if we do not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we will begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. if people completely cease to be jealous of each other, and therefore will not be afraid to lose each other. And there will be no talk of any forgiveness of each other either, in cases where one of the partners makes a mistake. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we don’t try to keep our loved one jealous of us, if we don’t fight for a relationship with him, we don’t try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. and therefore they will not be afraid to lose each other. And there will be no talk of any forgiveness of each other either, in cases where one of the partners makes a mistake. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we do not try to keep our loved one with our jealousy, if we do not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we will begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. and therefore they will not be afraid to lose each other. And there will be no talk of any forgiveness of each other either, in cases where one of the partners makes a mistake. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we do not try to keep our loved one with our jealousy, if we do not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we will begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we do not try to keep our loved one with our jealousy, if we do not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we will begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. But we all make mistakes, the person is not perfect. But if we do not try to keep our loved one with our jealousy, if we do not fight for a relationship with him, we will not try to forgive him when necessary, and instead we will begin to change partners like gloves, then we will simply miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. then we just miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding. then we just miss our happiness. So with this view of relations between people – I see a certain benefit in jealousy. In the end, for some reason nature has endowed us with this difficult feeling, which means that we need it. Therefore, you need to treat him with understanding.
However, in our society it is customary to look at jealousy, mainly as a negative, destructive feeling. Jealous people seem to us insecure, unreasonably suspicious and often overly aggressive people, with extremely unpleasant and even sometimes dangerous behavior. Of course, such an expression of jealousy does not color a person. But I am in no hurry to join the majority opinion and see only negativity in jealousy, I am not in a hurry to invite people to fight this feeling in all available ways. I know too many stories when jealous people clung so strongly to their partner, trying to hold him with all their might, that they were able to maintain a relationship that subsequently made them happy. So speaking of jealousy, it is important to consider not only the negative sides of this feeling and the bad stories associated with it, but also those cases when people thanks to him found their happiness. This will help us better understand and accept jealousy, both alien and our own. But jealousy must be healthy and reasonable. And so she was, she must be controlled. For this, it is important to understand what causes it.
We must also not forget that some people, with their behavior, give rise to jealousy. They play on the feelings of people who are not indifferent to them and do it on purpose, in order to thus gain their own value and increase their self-esteem. Sometimes it is like a mockery of a lover who suffers from the manipulations of a loved one. And with such a feeling as love, playing is dangerous, because from love to hate, as you know, one step. So all these games of jealousy are not as simple as they seem and are fraught with serious consequences for all of their participants. People have feelings that need to be understood and respected if we want to maintain good relations with them and do not want to have serious problems with them because of their jealousy. Therefore, even if a person is jealous because of his insecurity and seeks to put his love in a “golden cage”, or behaves quite persistently and aggressively, expressing his jealousy in an extremely unattractive form, then you need to help him cope with his feelings, and not try to play on them. Do not joke with jealousy – it is unpredictable and dangerous in its worst form.
For some people, jealousy is a proof of a very strong love. It is very important for them to make sure that their partner is not indifferent to them, so they want him to be at least a little jealous. To do this, they arrange all kinds of provocations in order to make the partner jealous, and these provocations are often very successful. Nevertheless, I want to warn such people that jealousy can give rise to a seed of mistrust, which over time can grow to incredible sizes. Jealousy is not the best proof of love. Caring for a person, sacrificing something for him is the real proof. And jealousy, as can be seen from the above, has many faces that can talk about the different causes of this feeling. Therefore, it is better not to undermine the self-confidence of the person you love with your provocations for the sake of his jealousy. This can harm you in the long run. Indeed, relationships without trust are always tension, nervousness, fear, insecurity and resentment. In addition, jealousy can drive a person crazy, and he can do stupid things. You yourself know what crazy things people can do in a fit of jealousy, which can begin with an innocent suspicion and develop into a huge problem. Therefore, I repeat what I said above – do not joke and do not play with jealousy, then you will not suffer from it. You yourself know what crazy actions people are capable of in a fit of jealousy, which can begin with an innocent suspicion and develop into a huge problem. Therefore, I repeat what I said above – do not joke and do not play with jealousy, then you will not suffer from it. You yourself know what crazy things people can do in a fit of jealousy, which can begin with an innocent suspicion and develop into a huge problem. Therefore, I repeat what I said above – do not joke and do not play with jealousy, then you will not suffer from it.
Thus, dear friends, we see that jealousy is, of course, in most cases a feeling unpleasant and ugly, sometimes even dangerous, both for someone who is jealous, and for someone who is jealous and even for who are jealous of. But sometimes this feeling can be quite appropriate. In particular, it proves that people are not indifferent to each other and allows them to hold on to their relationship. You also need to understand that any jealousy always has a reason, either objective or subjective, that needs to be found and studied if you have problems with this feeling. Jealousy is not dangerous when you control it. But in order to gain this control, you need to know the reasons for your own or someone else’s jealousy.
