Learn effective strategies on how to stop criticizing yourself and start building self-compassion and self-love. Practice self-care, challenge negative thoughts, and focus on your strengths.
In today’s highly competitive society, it is difficult to remain truly happy with yourself, since self-criticism is socially accepted in our culture.
Many believe that a demanding attitude towards oneself motivates, disciplines and contributes to the achievement of goals. But often excessive self-criticism leads to the opposite effect – it increases procrastination and interferes with the implementation of plans, because we constantly doubt ourselves.
There is also a common myth that if you stop criticizing yourself, there is a risk of becoming lazy and losing motivation to develop. In fact, self-criticism does not help at all and even causes harm. Constantly berating ourselves does not make us better. On the contrary, our uncertainty grows, and as a result, we become even more disappointed and angry with ourselves.
Often, a critical attitude towards oneself is an echo of parental voices, which is sometimes inherited. In most cases, those who were criticized by their parents as children are much more prone to self-criticism as adults.
How to Stop Criticizing Yourself
1. It is important to realize that self-criticism is harmful and can even worsen your health.
There are scientific studies that confirm that regular self-criticism contributes to a greater susceptibility to depression, eating disorders and generally has a negative impact on health. People who criticize themselves cope worse with stress, chronic illnesses and various life problems.
The alternative to being critical of yourself is self-compassion. This is a more effective and safer way to overcome difficult times and stress caused by failures. Scientific evidence has accumulated in its favor , which indicates that a kind attitude towards oneself influences an increase in the level of stress resistance and emotional well-being. Self-compassion increases self-esteem, develops optimism, helps you build a richer, more meaningful life, and strengthens your relationships with loved ones.
Also interesting are scientific works devoted to the relationship between self-compassion and motivation: it turns out that self-criticism and inflated demands on oneself do not motivate development, unlike a caring attitude.
It is worth noting that in recent years, Western scientists have been actively developing and developing a relatively new direction in psychotherapy – compassion-focused therapy (CFT). It is focused on developing a compassionate attitude towards oneself, which shows amazing effectiveness in dealing with self-criticism.
2. Don’t believe every thought that comes into your head.
Our mind is a great storyteller. Every day he tells us stories about who we are, what we need to do with our lives, what other people think of us, what the future holds for us, etc. It’s like a radio that broadcasts something non-stop, whether we like it or not. Unfortunately, many of these stories can be very upsetting. Self-criticism is one of them.
In 2005, the National Science Foundation published an article that talks about research into human thoughts. It turned out that about 80% of our thoughts are negative. And if you take them as the ultimate truth, they can easily develop into melancholy, low self-esteem and even depression. It is important to understand that the content of our thoughts and emotions is not as important as how we allow them to affect us.
3. Learn to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend who is having a hard time right now – with great care and kindness.
Imagine that you failed a significant work project and you feel depressed because of it.
Usually at this moment your inner critic wakes up inside you and begins to scold you, saying that it’s all your fault, you’re not smart and good enough, and most likely success will never shine for you. And then a friend calls you and consoles you in a soft voice and says that in fact it’s not your fault – the project was really difficult, and few people would be able to successfully implement it.
And that even if it didn’t work out now, there is a high probability that everything will work out next time, and in reality this failure does not ruin your whole life.
You can become this very friend to yourself – this is the essence of self-compassion.
If this option still seems difficult, you can try to remember the person in your life who treated you with care and kindness, and try to mentally dialogue with him in cases where you need support. What would he tell you in this or that situation? How would you support? What would his tone of voice be during such a conversation?
In fact, self-compassion is the antidote. While self-pity says “how poor and miserable I am,” self-compassion recognizes that life can be difficult for everyone.
As Kristin Neff, a psychology professor and the world’s leading expert on the topic of self-compassion, said: “We need to stop viewing self-compassion and self-care as a sign of weakness. During difficult times in life, it is especially important to be kind to yourself. It will make you stronger.”
4. It is important to understand that you are not alone in your failures.
When we go through difficult times, we feel like we are unique in our suffering.
The fact is that failure at work or in your personal life develops a feeling of isolation, as if you are the only person on the planet who is unlucky.
And when scrolling through your feed on a social network, this feeling only strengthens; it seems that everyone is happy except you. In fact, this is an illusion: in reality, absolutely everyone faces failures at different periods of their lives.
Only by recognizing that imperfection is part of our shared human nature can we understand that we have the right to be kind to ourselves and have compassion for ourselves even though we have made a mistake.
5. Track your condition throughout the day
You can set reminders on your phone that will signal to you that it’s time to take care of yourself. At such moments, you can ask yourself the following questions: “How am I now? Maybe I’m tired and need a little break between work tasks? Or a walk before bed? How can I support myself? This will be the first small but significant step towards a kind and gentle attitude towards yourself.
In fact, self-compassion and kindness is a strength that prevents you from comparing yourself to anyone and wondering whether you are good or successful enough. You can allow yourself to be who you are. It’s not as difficult as it seems and can truly be life-changing.
In conclusion, learning how to stop criticizing yourself is a journey of self-discovery and self-acceptance
