Defeats are painful, but they are part of life. Is it possible not only to overcome them, but to experience them in a positive and constructive way? Well, the answer is yes.
Sooner or later, everyone has to deal with a defeat. The cold shower can get to work or affect the private sphere, but the effects are similar. Self-esteem suffers a severe blow and self-confidence falters. The risk is to be overwhelmed by negative thoughts and to fall apart, but reacting is possible. Rather. It is a must, because an abrupt stop is a precious opportunity for growth.
To understand how to overcome a defeat and start again with new strength and awareness, we at Junglam spoke to Marina Osnaghi , the first Italian Master Certified Coach.
How to deal with defeat
As Marina Osnaghi explains, the way to deal with a defeat depends on numerous variables, starting from the character and awareness of each. But in principle, there are two models of behavior. There are those who tend to take on all responsibilities (even those over which it has no control) and those who refuse any burden and make it fall outside their sphere of influence.
The Master Certified Coach notes that both reactions prevent the failure from really being worked out and expose you to the risk of tripping again and with worse consequences. Instead, in order to start successfully, defeat must be objectified . In other words, Marina Osnaghi invites to look at what happened without a sense of guilt, alibis and prejudices and to recognize and establish its outlines. But how is this possible?
The Certified Master Coach urges you to reflect on the fact that bankruptcy is a temporary condition . Mistakes and setbacks happen, but life goes on. Not only. They become an experience from which to draw lessons to prevent them from happening again and in fact an opportunity to grow and improve .
Marina Osnaghi observes that embracing this awareness helps not to fall into the trap of immobility ( do not act for fear of making a mistake ) and to overcome the myth of perfection. Defeat and failure lose their negative meaning and become a positive value, as constitutive elements of action and evolution .
At the same time, the Master Certified Coach stresses that to transform failure into an opportunity it is necessary – not to say fundamental – not to give in to the (easy) enticements of victimism. To attribute the responsibility for negative events to external elements may seem comforting, but in reality it is equivalent to saying that one’s existence is at the mercy of an inscrutable destiny. Instead, admitting one’s mistakes, weaknesses and shortcomings means having the power to decide for oneself and one’s actions .
Reacting to a defeat is not only possible, but allows you to experience a precious opportunity for growth
What to learn from defeat
Defeat is undoubtedly a painful experience, but it also represents a great and precious opportunity for growth, because it pushes you to look within yourself and become aware of your own way of being and acting .
First of all, as Marina Osnaghi observes, it allows you to take stock of yourself and what you really want . Bankruptcy is an alarm bell. For example, it can mean that the objectives that are pursued are not an expression of one’s own desire, deep and real, but of another conditioned by external factors and which one does not really want to achieve. On the other hand, the goals can be truly felt, but unrealistic. In both cases, becoming aware of the situation allows you to (re) act in a coherent and constructive way. In the first case, by ceasing to spend time and energy unnecessarily. And in the second, looking for new solutions and reviewing its strategy.
In cascade, the Master Certified Coach explains that becoming aware of oneself allows one to identify one’s own weaknesses and strengths and consequently to recognize where it is necessary to intervene to improve oneself and on what talents and abilities one can count on.
Not least and against what is common thinking, defeat allows you to develop confidence in yourself and in your own means . Getting up after falling is the demonstration that not only a failure is not the end of everything, but it reduces the fear of tripping again and gives a new, powerful impetus to face the challenges that life puts before us.
