One must learn to love oneself with a healthy and holy love in order to remain true to oneself and not to lose oneself. And truly, this is not a commandment for today or tomorrow – to learn to love yourself. On the contrary, of all the arts, this is the most subtle, the wisest, the highest and requiring the most patience.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche
A person in this life may encounter various problems and difficulties, and he will be able to cope with most of them if he shows perseverance, perseverance, self-confidence and other strong qualities that are in each of us. However, in order to manifest them, a person must rely on everything in the first place on himself, and this is possible only if he loves himself. To love yourself means to take care of yourself, to be ready for yourself for a lot of things and to accept yourself as you are, regardless of how satisfied you are with yourself and how well your life is going. And, it would seem, for a person, by nature selfish and narcissistic, such self-love is quite natural and there should not be any problems with it. But as life shows, for many people these very problems arise, and they do not like themselves as they should. And because of this, they are often not loved by others. To solve these problems, I invite you, dear readers, to familiarize yourself with this article. She will tell you about how to love yourself correctly, for which you can and should love yourself and how not to let other people deprive you of this love.
Self acceptance
Speaking of love, we must understand one very important thing that this feeling does not come out of nowhere, there are always reasons why people love someone, both themselves and other people. You can talk as much as you like about how they love not for something out there, but just so that this feeling is uncontrollable for us and it surges on us, but this is just a way not to delve into the essence and meaning of love. Just because we do not love, neither ourselves nor others, we do it very selectively. And speaking of self-love, we must understand what it should be based on in order to exist at all. One of these fundamentals is the acceptance by a person of himself, that is, his recognition of the fact that no matter who and whatever he is, he alone cannot climb into his body. This is enough to appreciate yourself. And for the emergence of full-fledged self-love, this is also a very significant reason. One must be able to deal with what is, even if it is something bad, has some weaknesses, weaknesses, and flaws. And people who do not love themselves usually concentrate on these shortcomings and flaws, believing that they should not be. They cannot accept them as part of their unique personality, and therefore they do not accept themselves. They want to be perfect, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of other people. But there is nothing perfect. They want to be perfect, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of other people. But there is nothing perfect. They want to be perfect, both in their own eyes and in the eyes of other people. But there is nothing perfect.
Therefore, it does not matter what kind of person you are, because the most important thing for you is that you generally exist, live. Your very life is a great value that must be valued above all else. And your life is inseparable from you, from your personality, because it is you who are your own guide to this world and the very possibility of being a part of this world, living in it, influencing it is a very strong foundation not only for self-love, but also for the love of all that is in this world. How can you not accept yourself, realizing this? This is only possible if this is not understood.
To accept oneself is to do the inevitable. You have no other choice if you want to live in this world. You have to deal with yourself, whatever one may say. An alternative is simply not to think about yourself and not to resolve this issue at all. And he is not the best. You can concentrate on your shortcomings, weaknesses, complain about life, feel sorry for yourself and do other meaningless things, but why, for what, what is the point? It’s like fighting windmills, no matter how much you scold or pity, you will not change. Changes are possible only if a person fully accepts himself, with all his strengths and weaknesses, and begins to develop what he has in his person. Therefore, I say that one way or another, if a person wants to live comfortably in his soul, he will have to accept himself. It’s impossible to deny yourself all the time, from this you can go crazy. He accepted himself, then he reconciled to himself, with who you are. But then you can already sculpt from yourself everything you want, like from plasticine. As long as a person lives, he can change a lot.
By accepting oneself, one gets a great opportunity to make oneself better. I am who I am, but I want to become better as much as possible for me. I’m not saying that life deprived me, that I have an unfortunate fate, that other people were more fortunate and other nonsense, this makes no sense. Therefore, I accept myself, with all my strengths and weaknesses, and I will work on myself, I will develop myself in the directions I need, to become better, to prove to myself and, if necessary, to others that no matter who you are born, thanks to your you can achieve a lot of will and perseverance, you can surpass yourself and others. Sounds strong, agree. And such a position in life meets both the material and idealistic interests of man.
You can approach this issue without these goals. It’s not necessary to prove anything to anyone. Even striving for something meaningful is not necessary. A person can simply enjoy life, being grateful for having one. In this case, he accepts himself because he appreciates life, whatever it may be. It can be difficult, because people are so arranged that whatever they have, they always want more. This often prevents them from coming to terms with themselves; they want more, including from themselves. But this is a false feeling of dissatisfaction, it is a kind of game in which a person always has to strive for something. You can play it, or you can not play, it’s up to you. There is no right option, there are just options. You can puff all your life, proving something to yourself and others, absorbing more and more new spaces and resources, or you can just live being satisfied with the necessary. But there is one thing that prevents you from abandoning this game, from this desire for more and better to the detriment of your spiritual comfort. About her speech below.
Comparing yourself to others
It is very difficult for a person to love himself if he constantly compares himself with others, even if this comparison is in his favor. Because in this case he pays too much attention to other people, some of whom will always be worse in some ways, while others are better in some ways than him. It’s impossible to be the best and in everything, no matter who you are. Therefore, it is more useful to focus on the characteristics of your personality in order to understand how to better manage your abilities to improve the quality of your life. And paying a lot of attention to other people, we automatically make them important to us, even if we surpass them in something. And since they are important, they are valuable and deserve attention, and we devote it to them, to the detriment of attention to ourselves. This is a very subtle psychological moment. There is a difference between practicing yourself and comparing yourself to others. Pursuing myself we think only of ourselves, thus giving importance to our person. But comparing ourselves to others forces us to spend our attention on these others. Why on earth should we do this? To love yourself, you need to think about yourself, and not about others.
Comparing yourself with others can be useful in that it motivates a person to develop. After all, when we see that in something we are inferior to someone, then we have a desire to become better, more perfect, to surpass these people. But in order to spur yourself on to development this way, you need to have a fighting character, and not everyone has it. That he was so, it must be developed in this direction. In reality, it is often the other way around, for many people a weak, soft and pliable character. Therefore, when faced with something in something superior to them, they begin to become complex and may become depressed, become apathetic, and not motivated to develop. What kind of self-love can there be, what kind of self-acceptance. The other is better, more perfect, more interesting, and this is what you need to love, not yourself. This is what happens most often. Therefore, comparing yourself with someone is harmful.
In order to form such an attitude to life when you are in the first place in it, and not someone else who is worse or better than you, you must first understand why we are generally inclined to compare ourselves with someone else. Indeed, willy-nilly, we all constantly make such a comparison, because, firstly, we want to be better than others, this is our innate need that meets the goals of evolution, which forces us to fight, compete, compete with each other, for the right to have it’s good, a high position in society, and indeed for life itself. There is no such niche in the human world, and in the wild, too, where there would be no struggle and competition. That is why we are comparing ourselves with others in order to understand how we surrender to them and in what we surpass them. And having understood this, decide on your ambitions. After all, pretending to something, we must understand
Secondly, our comparison of ourselves with others is also important for us because we want to be accepted by the society in which we live. We want to have a high value in the eyes of other people, we want them to need us, that they need us. After all, this significantly increases our chances of survival, and we subconsciously understand this. If you are needed, they will treat you well, and if you are not needed, then nobody will care about you. Therefore, we should not be worse, but better than others. After all, people appreciate those who are better than most, who stand out against the background of the general gray mass, because this means that the person is special, more, let’s say, adapted to life, from whom you can learn something or some other benefit from him receive. We are always drawn to useful, valuable, profitable people for us, this meets our selfish interests. And therefore we ourselves want to be valuable and special in the eyes of others. And for this, you need to be better than them, you need to surpass others in what is important to them. But this is not so easy to do. That is why we often cannot accept ourselves as we are, for we see that in something we are inferior to someone. And if we are worse at something with someone, then how can you put up with it, how can you accept and even more love yourself if you are bad at something? After all, you yourself do not like those who are far from the best in some areas, you love winners, not losers. We humans want to love only the best and the most perfect. That is why those who surpass us in something may be more important to us than ourselves. Absurdity, of course, but many of us look at life just like that. one must surpass others in what is important to them. But this is not so easy to do. That is why we often cannot accept ourselves as we are, for we see that in something we are inferior to someone. And if we are worse at something with someone, then how can you put up with it, how can you accept and even more love yourself if you are bad at something? After all, you yourself do not like those who are far from the best in some areas, you love winners, not losers. We humans want to love only the best and the most perfect. That is why those who surpass us in something may be more important to us than ourselves. Absurdity, of course, but many of us look at life just like that. one must surpass others in what is important to them. But this is not so easy to do. That is why we often cannot accept ourselves as we are, for we see that in something we are inferior to someone. And if we are worse at something with someone, then how can you put up with it, how can you accept and even more love yourself if you are bad at something? After all, you yourself do not like those who are far from the best in some areas, you love winners, not losers. We humans want to love only the best and the most perfect. That is why those who surpass us in something may be more important to us than ourselves. Absurdity, of course, but many of us look at life just like that. then how can you put up with this, how can you accept and even more so love yourself if you are bad at something? After all, you yourself do not like those who are far from the best in some areas, you love winners, not losers. We humans want to love only the best and the most perfect. That is why those who surpass us in something may be more important to us than ourselves. Absurdity, of course, but many of us look at life just like that. then how can you put up with this, how can you accept and even more so love yourself if you are bad at something? After all, you yourself do not like those who are far from the best in some areas, you love winners, not losers. We humans want to love only the best and the most perfect. That is why those who surpass us in something may be more important to us than ourselves. Absurdity, of course, but many of us look at life just like that.
Understanding all this, you will be able to understand what I wrote above when I suggested that you think about yourself and compare your current self with yourself in the future. This proposal does not contradict your desires to be necessary, valuable, best for yourself and others, it also meets your desire to be accepted by society, a specific group or specific people. And at the same time, it helps you to love yourself, taking all your strengths and weaknesses. You are also working on a better version of yourself, just not comparing yourself to others, but dreaming of yourself better and striving for perfection. And other people, they themselves, you do not need to think about them, as a stimulus that stimulates you to develop. Some of them will be inferior to you in something, temporarily or permanently, someone will surpass you in something, this is inevitable. This should not bother you. You are the one
In my practice, there were many young people who treated themselves badly or even very badly, because they were inferior to someone in some ways and this did not give them rest. They considered someone smarter than themselves, someone more beautiful, someone more successful, and so on. But when I asked them what was good in themselves, what was their advantage over others, they did not know what to say. It seemed to them that there was nothing in them that they could consider their dignity, although each of them was something interesting and something good. Even if a person is too young and has nothing to brag about, anyway, there are some promising qualities in him and if he focuses on them and not on his shortcomings and advantages of other people, he will be able to achieve a lot in life.
Self-love is a work with what is in you initially, and not concern for what you do not have. Love is joy, pacification, therefore, in order for it to arise, you need to look for the good in yourself, forgetting about the bad. What a person concentrates on determines his attitude to himself. Their flaws, of course, must be corrected. But if this is difficult to do, if they suppress a person, then it is better to start with the development of their virtues, focusing on them. Then a forward movement will begin, which will gradually increase and then a person will be able to calmly relate to their shortcomings and confidently correct them. And in an even greater perspective, he will be able to use his comparison with others as an incentive for development, having acquired the very fighting character that is necessary for this.
Criticism of others
The next thing that prevents a person from falling in love with himself is criticism of others. Other people can significantly worsen our opinion of ourselves, persistently proving to us that we are in some ways very bad. Actually, the comparison of ourselves with others described above may also be partly the result of someone’s impact on us. Many of us in childhood were compared with other children, including not in our favor, instead of pointing out our uniqueness and helping us develop our strengths. What uniqueness is there, what other strengths are there, it is easier to build everyone in one line and measure with one ruler, and if you are not the way you should, then something is wrong with you. A clumsy approach to working with people, especially with children, but who thinks about it.
Therefore, if we are not liked by something, by the same parents or teachers, then they will criticize us and compare us with others, saying that this other child is good, correct, and we are not. Such an attitude of others around him, of course, harms a person, especially a child, but this fact may not bother these people around. They pursue their interests when they make claims against others, and therefore they are ready to humiliate us in our own eyes without any regret. There is no talk of constructive criticism in such cases. Neither in childhood nor in adulthood. Who needs objectivity when your interests are at stake, whatever they may be. Few are willing, for the sake of truth, to stand in the way of their egoism. Therefore, criticism in many cases is destructive and prevents people from loving themselves, especially those who rely too much on the opinions of others. A painful attitude towards her is formed in childhood, when a person is very susceptible to dissatisfaction with the people around him, because because of his underdevelopment, he largely depends on them. An adult who does not have similar childhood injuries or has successfully cured them is more calm about criticism. He understands that some people will always be dissatisfied with something, there will always be something that they will not suit someone, and he himself is not so perfect as not to make mistakes for which he can really be criticized. Criticism of others is an inevitable companion of any more or less active person living in a society of people. Whatever he does, there is always a reason for criticizing his activities. Yes, even if you’re indecently passive and don’t do anything at all, anyway, someone will begin to criticize you for this passivity, because someone will not like it. So criticism can only be avoided if you completely isolate yourself from people. But such isolation will hit your self-esteem much more than any criticism.
We are social beings, it is very difficult for us to live without people. We endure loneliness painfully, unless we are accustomed to it. And it’s hard to get used to it. Therefore, we want to get attention to ourselves, we want to be loved, respected, praised, appreciated, not scolded and criticized, and even worse, rejected and ignored. Therefore, we strive to please people, because we need them. And let it be better to criticize you than reject and not notice. But for self-love, a person needs to be philosophical about criticism, understanding the reasons for its occurrence.
There are few such reasons, and all of them are somehow connected with the selfish interests of people who, as I have already said, are important not just some truth, truth, objectivity, but personal gain. Therefore, one must understand that, firstly, it is impossible to please everyone, because people are too different and their interests are also individual. You are responding to someone’s interests, and you’re uncomfortable to someone, disturbing someone, so they will try to somehow limit you, criticize you, knock you off your chosen path, and force you to abandon your goals, desires, ambitions. Well, it’s impossible for everyone to like, and even in everything, and even always. This must be understood first.
Secondly, in order to be respected and accepted by people, they do not have to like them. People are selfish in nature and instinctively seek profit in everything that surrounds them. Therefore, for some of them it’s enough to just be useful, necessary, even necessary, so that they accept you or in some cases tolerate you. We are all forced to endure those we need, even if something in them does not suit us. For example, you don’t like some kind of doctor, because he’s rude, ugly, may have a number of negative qualities from your point of view, but he’s a good specialist, he treats you, he really helps you, and you are in it need it. And you have to accept it as it is in order to receive from it what you need. Your criticism of him [if you allow yourself to her] will not bother him if he sees and understands what do you need. He knows his worth. That’s the way you may be needed by people, even if they don’t like you, and they criticize you. And since they need you, since they value you, communicate with you, cannot refuse you, it means more good for you in them than bad. Well, then what to worry about their criticism, you know that no one is perfect, including you, and that some people will always be unhappy with everything. It’s just that people did not learn to accept the imperfection of this world, did not learn to put up with it, and therefore express their discontent. Try to be useful to people, if possible, make them somewhat dependent on yourself, then they will cherish you, they will be forced to endure some of your shortcomings, and even because of the fear of losing your supportive attitude towards them, refuse to criticize your address. A person’s value to others is determined by his usefulness. Valuable people can forgive a lot. You don’t need to become like that in order to love yourself, just remember the possibility when someone will try to belittle you in your eyes with your criticism.
Thirdly, criticism is not constant, even if it comes from the same person. Today he criticizes you, and tomorrow he may begin to praise, and the day after tomorrow he will criticize again. I see why? Because at one time you arrange it, but not at another. Roughly speaking, today you did something good for him, he received some benefit thanks to you, and therefore he is pleased with you, you are interesting to him, so why not give him praise. And tomorrow, not getting what you want, he will begin to criticize you. What objectivity can there be, what constancy? An understanding of such a pattern in the behavior of people should proceed in pursuit of their interests. You do not need to please everyone and always. You need to achieve your goals, trying to please the right people at the right time and ignoring the critics that are useless to you. And for such a calculation, you will love yourself. Self-love is closer to egoism, and not to altruism. Be practical when responding to criticism of people, paying attention to it only when it makes sense.
As for constructive criticism, it is necessary to learn to accept it calmly, for which a person needs to set himself up for constant growth, development, having accepted, as said above, his imperfection. Just wanting to become better, you can calmly and with interest search for flaws in yourself, including with the help of other people’s eyes. Without this desire, even the most useful criticism will be prickly. You see, friends, the human psyche is a very delicate tool that is easy to damage. Many people are trying hard to succeed in something, they work tirelessly, work hard on their shortcomings and expect others to appreciate it. But they will inevitably make mistakes, big and small, because in this world they cannot be avoided. And if you poke these people with their nose, you can quench their enthusiasm, knock them off the creative mood, cut off their wings. Yes, such criticism will be constructive, justified in form, but destructive and therefore meaningless in its consequences. It is easy to criticize, but to repeat what the one you criticize does, even to repeat, not to mention surpassing him in this matter, is much more difficult. Criticism is needed, but it needs to be grown up, both to the critic, so as not to ruin the enthusiasm of people with his painful remarks, and criticized, to grow with the help of criticism, both constructive and destructive.
People, if you notice, constantly criticize each other, for various reasons, I don’t even want to call them so as not to leave the main idea. One thing to remember is that critics cannot be avoided. Somewhere she will get you anyway. Whether you are right or wrong, you did something good or bad, someone will criticize you anyway. Therefore, if it is difficult for you to accept, do not accept it. Give her a reasonable explanation showing the selfish position of the critic in order to understand his main motives. There is nothing special about them; they simply reflect the eternal dissatisfaction of people with everything and everyone. And then any criticism will no longer be so traumatic for you to prevent you from loving yourself.
Unmet needs
Unmet needs are the main reason a person dislikes himself. The above reasons, one way or another, are always associated with it. And the acceptance of oneself, and comparing oneself with other people and attitude to criticism of others, all these things are related to our needs and how to satisfy them. Our needs are the power that drives us. Without them, we would not have lived at all, at least as people who are doing something and striving for something. Therefore, there is in this world what we all need, without exception, to live and feel good. For example, we all need to eat, have some kind of roof over our heads, rest, have a partner, and so on. When a person succeeds in getting all this, he will inevitably have a good opinion of himself. His self-esteem will be high and he will have good reasons for self-love. Well, how can a winner not love himself? And a person who regularly succeeds, and not anyhow in what, but in what is really important for him and his life, is a real winner. He knows how to take care of himself and loves himself for this. And loving himself, he takes care of himself even more and better. Here is such a relationship.
Let’s now think about who and when in our world most often wins? Who manages to best meet their needs, both basic and exalted? These are definitely strong people. And what is their strength? Naturally, in intelligence. The power of intelligence is the most powerful force in the world. The smarter the creature, the better it is adapted to this world, and therefore more often succeeds in matters related to the satisfaction of its needs. Therefore, in order to successfully satisfy your needs and love yourself for it, you need to study everything that gives strength, that is, to develop intelligence in the best direction. And what gives us strength, the study of what things? If you look at what the most powerful people know, who have great power, have many resources and great opportunities, I would say that their most important knowledge is knowledge of how to manage people. You can own different crafts to skillfully handle matter, or you can learn to influence people who will transform matter in the way we need. The second is more profitable at times. Because power over people, in whatever form, most often brings more benefits than any other skills. Different artisans are not as powerful as different managers. In this direction, in my opinion, one needs to develop one’s intellect in order to become stronger and have good opportunities to satisfy all one’s needs. than any other skills. Different artisans are not as powerful as different managers. In this direction, in my opinion, one needs to develop one’s intellect in order to become stronger and have good opportunities to satisfy all one’s needs. than any other skills. Different artisans are not as powerful as different managers. In this direction, in my opinion, one needs to develop one’s intellect in order to become stronger and have good opportunities to satisfy all one’s needs.
Elite education [not to be confused with elite], that is, not just high-quality education, but education for the elite, inaccessible to everyone, is precisely aimed at developing mainly people management skills. It can also be people interaction skills, communication skills. With their help, much can be achieved in this life. You may be illiterate in some other matters, for example, not knowing the language well, not knowing the exact sciences at all, but if you can manage people, influence them in the right way, communicate effectively with them, encourage them to take the actions you need, namely you will have power over them, not they over you. And even without this power, you will be able to get a lot from them, knowing how to behave with them, what to tell them, how to talk, so that they listen and listen to you. People are the most valuable resource that you need to be able to manage. And the real leader, and the leader is certainly a strong person, this is not the one who knows everything and knows how to do it, this is the one who knows how to manage those who know a lot and knows how much. If you dig deeper, we can say that in order to gain power over other people, a person must first gain power over himself in order to learn to control himself and direct in the right direction. But now we don’t need such depth, it’s enough that you already know in which direction you need to move in order to become the one you can and want to love. to learn to control yourself and direct in the right direction. But now we don’t need such depth, it’s enough that you already know in which direction you need to move in order to become the one you can and want to love. to learn to control yourself and direct in the right direction. But now we don’t need such depth, it’s enough that you already know in which direction you need to move in order to become the one you can and want to love.
Understanding human needs and the ability to manage them is the simplest key to them. When I work with people whom I teach to love myself, I always focus on their needs and help them develop the skills necessary to meet these needs. Each person has his own situation, both in terms of what he needs at the moment and in terms of what he can do to get it. For example, if I face a young man with low self-esteem, and I had a lot of such clients who are very self-confident and maybe even tried to commit suicide, then I look at what he lacks in life, what he the moment is most needed from what he should receive, not what he wants. This may be the need for relationships with the opposite sex, or the need for recognition and respect on the part of loved ones, or the need for parental love and understanding, or the need for friends and some other needs that he does not adequately satisfy. Some of them should be the most important, having satisfied which, he will feel much better. Until he has what he needs at the moment, he will not love himself. He is weak and sees this, therefore he is not well. He is not adapted to life in the right way, so he can not take from her what he needs. He needs the first successful steps by which he will be able to win his first victories, achieve, though not great, but important for his self-esteem, success and feel his strength, for which he can respect and love himself. For each person here it is necessary to create an individual recipe for development. But you now know the general direction in which to move.
I have long noticed that the ability to competently, with benefit for myself, to interact with others is most often the first and main thing that needs to be learned in order to become stronger and receive great satisfaction from life. Without competent interaction with other people, a person will not be able to satisfy many of his needs, including the very need for communication. At the same time, it is not necessary to have any explicit power over people or to influence them so that they do everything for you, as if you had hypnotized them. It is enough just to get useful returns from them, in most cases also giving them something in return. Success in relationships with people is the key to success in many other matters that allow a person to satisfy many of his needs.
As you see, in order to love yourself, a person needs to solve a number of problems related to his attitude to himself and his relations with other people. Just like I said at the very beginning, we love no one, not even ourselves. We need reasons that will prove to us that we deserve this love. Although it’s enough for you to love yourself that you simply are, it’s a great joy. Having life, we have the minimum necessary for feeling happiness. This minimum only seems to be a minimum, but in fact it is a great gift – life. But few people are content with this gift, we need more, not only life, but also a lot of life in order to relate to ourselves and, moreover, to love ourselves. We need victories, successes, achievements, and in those matters that are really important to us. Without these victories, a person will not be satisfied with himself and will not see sufficient grounds for the emergence of such a great feeling as love. We may not understand this and in some cases not recognize it, but we constantly think about whether we are worthy of our love or not. We want to deserve this feeling so that it is real in our eyes. Therefore, we try to get the return we need from the outside world, in the form of various achievements and opinions of other people. This is probably right, that makes sense. When you grow, you become better, stronger, you receive a reward in the form of this very love. It motivates you to even greater achievements. So develop, become stronger, achieve success in important matters for you, and you will have something to love yourself for. Prove to yourself that you are worthy of this feeling, that you are capable of experiencing and accepting it. Love should not be blind, it should be given to those who deserve it in order to have the status of the most valuable feeling in this world. To love an unworthy person, even if you are that person, means to devalue love, turning it into a disease, not a medicine. Therefore, it is useful to achieve your love by working on yourself, developing yourself, in order to know later that you have loved yourself with true, honest and sincere love, which is worth it to cherish.
And by loving oneself, a person will even better learn to achieve his goals, because he will receive good motivation in the form of a powerful and great feeling that can work wonders. Love gives strength, with its help a person can do such things that require great dedication and energy. And most importantly, people who love themselves can give fabulous love to those around them. After all, when a person loves himself, he feels happy, he is satisfied with everything and it is easier for him to love others, because he is strong enough to share love with others. And the more healthy, sincere love a person gives, the more happy he becomes.
