How to control your emotions

Only a few have the ability to control their emotions. This is a great achievement for a person who is not easy to come to. But it is worth it to strive for. After all, a person who controls his emotions, to a large extent, controls his life. Emotions – this is such an element that necessarily needs control. Because it is under the influence of emotions that people make the most mistakes in their lives. People, by their nature, are quite emotional creatures, so a person needs to make great efforts to cope with his natural essence. But the main thing is that this can be done in principle. Any person is able to learn to control their emotions. Therefore, it remains only to figure out how exactly this can be done. This is what we will talk about in this article.

Why do emotions arise

The first step is to understand why and how a person has emotions in order to be able to prepare for them. Emotions arise in any case, it is impossible to avoid them, they can only be controlled. And they arise because of external and internal stimuli, to which we naturally react emotionally. It is impossible to divide irritants into those to which we react emotionally and those that do not cause us emotions, because everything that we deal with in the outside world and that affects us from the inside causes us emotions. It’s just that in some cases we may have a moderate emotional reaction to something, but in others it’s quite stormy. Emotions are an innate reaction at the level of the reflex. Nature has made man so that he can respond to certain stimuli as quickly as possible. To think, reflect, analyze, we cannot evaluate, compare from birth, we need to learn this. A person needs to respond to certain stimuli as soon as he is born. In addition, a conscious understanding of something requires much more time than an instant reflex reaction to a particular stimulus. Therefore, an emotional reaction to something is a quick reaction. She is instinctive, unconscious, primitive, reflexive, but most importantly fast. And in nature, speed is of great importance. If our primitive ancestors, having met a predator, began to reflect on what and how they should do, they would simply not survive. But those emotions that they experienced at this moment, first of all, it was fear – they forced them to make quick decisions necessary to save their lives. Therefore, in this sense, emotions are our protection against all sorts of threats to which a person must be able to quickly respond. Another thing is that far from all situations they must prevail over reason. Therefore, they must be able to pacify. To learn how to do this, let’s look at emotions in more detail.

What are emotions

We have already learned something about emotions. Now we learn more about them. Emotions are, firstly, as I said, the primary reflex reaction to any stimuli, and secondly, this is the energy that drives a person. It is emotions that prompt a person to one or another action. Emotions, like electricity for electrical appliances – trigger all the rest, including the mental processes inside a person. Therefore, they are not only inevitable, but also necessary. A person without emotions is a completely passive person, he is not interested in anything and does not care. I once thought that a person can do without emotions, becoming cold and prudent, and then, after a more thorough study of this topic, I realized that this is impossible. For us, emotions are vital energy, thanks to which we strive for something or run away from something, it animates our bodies. Thanks to her, we truly live. But in order to curb this energy, it is necessary to develop a different reaction to various stimuli, replacing emotions with the mind. That is, it is necessary with the help of special training [they will be discussed below] to develop the habit of starting the thought process in those situations that usually cause a person any emotions. Such training will help you not to succumb to your emotions and always keep your mind and calm in order to act thoughtfully in any situations, rather than mindlessly react to everything. which usually cause a person any emotions. Such training will help you not to succumb to your emotions and always keep your mind and calm in order to act thoughtfully in any situations, rather than mindlessly react to everything. which usually cause a person any emotions. Such training will help you not to succumb to your emotions and always keep your mind and calm in order to act thoughtfully in any situations, rather than mindlessly react to everything.

Emotions management

So, in order to develop a habit of responding rationally to various stimuli, it is necessary to learn how to start the thought process in order to prevent emotions from taking control of your mind. To start it, you need to start loading your brain with the right questions related to the situation that causes certain emotions. That is, the whole point here is in the attention of the person – what he will direct him to will work. Directing attention to thinking, with the help of correctly posed questions, a person gives energy to him, and not to emotions. And thus, he extinguishes his emotions, depriving them of energy. And so it controls them.

I understand that this is easy to say, but not easy to do. In the end, whether we want it or not, but emotions will always be our very first reactions to anything, so without effort a person will not be able to turn on his thinking. But this is not such a big effort to make it difficult to undertake. To accustom yourself to think, rather than react, you can very quickly, if you often train – asking yourself various questions in various emotional situations. You feel that some kind of emotion is waking up in you, no matter what – immediately ask yourself a question that will allow you to understand why and where this emotion came from, how relevant and how it can be replaced – with what a reasonable decision. For example, if you are faced with a situation that causes you fear, then you need to start asking questions about the reason and meaning of this fear, so that with the help of thinking, begin to delve into it, disassemble it in parts and remove from it all the elements of uncertainty that make up its strength. Thus, with the help of thinking, it will be possible to dissolve this emotion, depriving it of strength with its consciousness. This is what you can do with all other emotions – to study them with the help of correctly posed questions in order to deprive them of their strength and power over a person. And in place of this power will come the power of the mind.

If you want to cope with negative emotions – ask positive questions – look for positive in the negative with their help. If you want to cope with positive emotions [they are also harmful – they blind a person] – ask negative questions – look for a trick, think about what is hidden behind everything joyful and good and who can take advantage of your relaxed state. If you are angry, think either about the negative consequences that you may encounter due to your anger, put the appropriate questions for yourself, or about the tips that life gives you in order to push you in the right direction. Indeed, very often a person is angry because something goes wrong as he wants, without realizing that other scenarios of events in his life can be much more useful and interesting for him. In general, contrast the strength of your intellect with an innate emotional reaction – train your mind with questions that he needs to think about, then he will work. When a person experiences emotions, his brain sleeps and therefore unconscious, reflective [animal] behavior dominates in him. And you can cope with it only with the help of the mind, which turns on when a person thinks.

Thus, thinking is a tool for controlling emotions. By developing his thinking, a person gains power over himself. At the same time, there is a fundamental difference between knowledgeable people and thinkers, thinkers. Knowing people may seem very smart because they know a lot, but their mind ends where their knowledge ends. And therefore, in situations where they simply don’t know what to do, these people can behave very emotionally, just like most ordinary people who do not know how to control their emotions behave. But a thinking person relies not so much on knowledge as on his ability to manage this knowledge. He skillfully uses the knowledge that he has and with the help of posing the right questions to himself, can study any situation, any subject, any people.

So, friends, you need to accustom yourself to think in order to learn to control your emotions. This is the key to solving this problem. There are other ways to solve it, for example, you can fight some emotions with the help of others, but thinking is the most reliable weapon in my opinion against harmful emotions. And to think, you need to be able to ask questions, you need to become curious, like children who constantly ask adults the question “Why?” This is a very helpful question. For many adults, it is sometimes necessary as air. Indeed, curiosity helps a person to know the world, and it is impossible to know it without asking questions, and therefore without thinking about all those things that surround us. The habit of thinking, asking questions, looking for new information makes a person’s mind alive, flexible, responsive to any changes.

Emotions and thinking

Emotions and thinking are two completely different things. In one case, nothing is required of a person, his psyche will do everything herself, causing him to have the necessary emotional state, and in the other, efforts must be made to behave more competently and adequately. The more primitive a person is, the more emotional he is, since emotions are the only known and familiar reaction to any stimuli. Emotional response to external or internal stimuli is an easier way for a person to exist. Emotions do not require any tension from him, no volitional efforts, they simply exist – they themselves arise and go out themselves. An emotional person is like a ship without a captain, who will sail where the wind blows. But thinking is the management of oneself and circumstances, it requires a person’s will and efforts. A lazy person will not think, one who is accustomed to exertion, used to do something with the help of volitional efforts will think. That is why it is so difficult to take control of emotions – many people do not like to strain, it is easier for them to go with the flow, and not overcome the resistance of the external and internal environment.

The impetus for the transition from an irrational and, consequently, an emotional way of life to a rational one can be served by a person’s view of the world in which he lives. The better a person understands this world, the more he will want to engage in his own development. Well, we all seem to want to live well, want to be rich, successful in various matters, want to feel safe, wish to be loved and respected people, but not all of us understand how to come to all this. And what we see with successful people as an example is not even the tip of the iceberg, it’s its shadow. What they show others and what they do are completely different things. Many of us think that it is necessary to buy expensive things and begin to behave like successful people do, and then life will immediately change for the better. But that’s all, of course, stupid things. True success is achieved in other ways. And one of such methods is the ability to make the right decisions, which in most cases are the right ones not due to intuition, but due to a person’s deliberation on his decisions. And to ponder them, you need to learn to think, curbing your emotions.

Emotion in many situations is our internal enemy. They prevent us from making the right decisions and at the same time help other people to manipulate us. And if someone manipulates us, then we will begin to do things that are beneficial for the manipulator, and not for us. We will begin to follow our emotions, which other people will skillfully cause in us and will act as they need. What success can be discussed then. By allowing himself to be manipulated, a person will become a source of someone else’s success. And the fact that a person is easy to manipulate with the help of emotions is perfectly demonstrated by the same advertisement, which quite effectively manages most people. Therefore, to develop your thinking means to contribute to your happiness.

Situation modeling

Let’s look at another very good way to prepare for situations that can cause a person to have strong emotions that are difficult to handle. Try to simulate these situations in your imagination, immerse yourself in them and consider several options for your behavior, which should be as thought out and effective as possible. Do this several times, as an actor in front of a mirror, train your psyche so that it is ready for the most likely scenarios in your life. And then all those events for which you are prepared in this way will not take you by surprise, which means you can deal with emotions much better. It is important here to ensure that your thought is faster than your feelings. There is no problem yet, and you are already solving it – you use your brain to be one step ahead of your reactions to certain situations, not a step behind, as is the case with emotions. Pay attention to how easily we succumb to emotions when dealing with an unfamiliar situation. And why? But because we do not have a ready-made answer to the question that life poses before us. So that this does not happen – imagine all those possible situations in which you may find yourself and find an answer to them, or rather a few that will help you understand these situations. In other words – start to start the thought process before there is a reason for the emergence of emotions. Start controlling them before they appear. So that this does not happen – imagine all those possible situations in which you may find yourself and find the answer to them, or rather a few that will help you understand these situations. In other words, start to start the thought process before there is a reason for the emergence of emotions. Start controlling them before they appear. So that this does not happen – imagine all those possible situations in which you may find yourself and find an answer to them, or rather a few that will help you understand these situations. In other words – start to start the thought process before there is a reason for the emergence of emotions. Start controlling them before they appear.


Нельзя не сказать и об отдыхе, как об одном из способов контроля эмоций. Человеку нужно хорошо отдыхать, чтобы не быть слишком эмоциональным, прежде всего раздражительным. Ведь когда он устает, то ресурсов на обдумывание тех или иных вещей ему уже не хватает, и он скатывается на эмоции, как на более, как мы с вами выяснили, простую форму реакции на различные раздражители. Поэтому чем сильнее вы устаете, тем сильнее снижается качество вашего мышления, с помощью которого вы можете обрабатывать поступающую к вам информацию, а не просто реагировать на нее. Ну, вроде бы это просто и понятно, тем не менее, многие люди не придают отдыху большого значения и часто пренебрегают им. Они могут много работать и мало отдыхать, а потом на эмоциях, из-за усталости, совершать кучу разных ошибок, вред от которых может значительно превышать пользу от их ударного труда. Но это не всегда очевидно, поэтому многие люди часто несерьезно относятся к своему отдыху, в особенности к самой важной его форме – сну. Так что я предлагаю всем, кто мало отдыхает, пересмотреть свои взгляды на этот вопрос. Хорошо отдыхающие люди, высыпающиеся люди – более уравновешены.

Identification with Self

And the last way that will help you control yourself and your emotions in the most difficult situations is the ability to abstract from your personality in order to, so to speak, look at yourself from the side. To do this, you need to be identified with your Self. Identification with your Self is a look at yourself, as an outsider, with whom what you observe in your life happens. Sometimes it’s even useful to imagine yourself as a different person, that is, to consciously split your personality and to understand the problems of the first person from the position of the second person. This is similar to a dissociative identity disorder [split personality], only in this case it does not happen by itself, as in the case of a mental disorder, but absolutely consciously when a person invents a new personality for himself. In this case, the person will not get this disorder, although the habit of using this method of curbing his emotions may remain. Its meaning is not to experience certain events, feelings, emotions too totally, but to look at them from the side. This method is well suited for those situations when a person is very, very bad, very painful and suffers greatly, so he can no longer remain the person with whom he identifies himself. The split personality occurs precisely on this basis. Therefore, it is better to do this split yourself, consciously, than to wait until your psyche breaks, and you get an uncontrolled mental disorder. In my practice, this approach to solving problems with negative emotions has worked very well in the most difficult situations for people.

These are the ways to control my emotions I can offer you. In principle, all of them are somehow connected with the thinking of a person, with his rationality, awareness. The ways in which a person copes with some of his emotions with the help of others, I did not begin to indicate, because they are not very effective. Although in some cases you can’t do without them. Therefore, I will describe them in my other articles. In general, I believe that controlling your emotions through the thought process is the best, most reliable way. I told you how to start this process, so train your thinking so that even in the most unexpected, difficult and hopeless situations, you can remain calm and calm, and act extremely competently.

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