From Friendship To Relationship – Learn Which Signs To Look For
I have always maintained friendships with the opposite sex while in a relationship, but for some people, their partners’ friendships can turn into relationships, and there are others who insist that their partner should not have any friendships with the opposite sex at all. .
Finding out what is healthy and what is risky can help couples deal with their own insecurities and discover new strengths.
Have You Ever Worried About Your Partner’s Opposite Sex Friendship With Someone?
Dating Your Best Friend
An old saying goes that when you meet someone who is your best friend, marry him.
And why not?
Spending ten, twenty or fifty years of our lives with someone is more of a challenge than spending time with someone at the same time.
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You live together, have more opportunities to disagree and have extra responsibilities to each other.
So when you’re dating someone whose best friend is a potential competitor, the risk factor can skyrocket immediately.
The first thing to consider is why your partner is not dating his “best” friend and why he is content with someone he doesn’t consider a “best” friend – who is you.
Some reasons I heard are:
- He doesn’t want to ruin a friendship.
- He is not attracted to his friend “that way”.
- They have been friends for a long time.
Whatever the reason, you may feel insecure or even a little jealous.
After all, you want to be the person your partner trusts!
You want to be the best friend and you may wonder why you are not up to it.
See also: 6 Golden Rules for a Colorful Friendship Relationship That Nobody Hurts
Possessiveness And Pathological Jealousy
It is normal to feel a little possessive and territorial about your relationship.
Pathological jealousy is another story.
Before giving an ultimatum or trying to interfere with your partner’s friendship, familiarize yourself with the difference between normal jealousy and the harmful pathological variety that can ruin relationships.
Once you recognize the difference, don’t get carried away by harmful behaviors that destroy trust and security if you want your relationship to stay strong.
| Healthy | Pathological (Unhealthy) |
| Feeling anxious | Feeling worthless or unimportant |
| Negotiating appropriate restrictions | Require restrictions that only one person considers appropriate |
| Brings thoughts of how amazing our partner is | Brings thoughts that our partner is trying to hurt us |
| Helps couples cope with relationship threats | Creates relationship threats |
| Shows commitment to the relationship | Shows control in the relationship |
| Promotes openness, trust and bond | Promotes anger and resentment |
| Increases intimacy | Intimacy hurts |
In order to be a good girlfriend / wife, it is important to show that you support your partner’s efforts to meet your own emotional needs – something that he gets from friendships.
However, it is equally important to be treated well, which can be at risk when these friendships are with friends of the opposite sex.
To find the balance point that shows your partner that you care and will only accept good treatments, remember:
- Avoid trying to control it.
- Always control yourself.
- Look for win-win solutions that offer both of you something you want.
Defining Limits You Can Live With
It is unreasonable to expect your partner to cut half the world’s population for your exclusive benefit.
Asking him to renounce friendships of the opposite sex completely is unfair to everyone involved.
A better solution is to find out what benefits he gets from his friendship (s) and negotiate the limits accordingly.
Here are some suggested examples:
He Says That She Is A Fun Person To Live With.
You can ask for an agreement to spend time together as a trio, as you know he would like you to have fun too.
By agreeing to spend more time as a group, you will not feel left out and you can develop more confidence in your relationship.
You will probably gain a valuable friend as well, as there is a good chance that you and she are very similar.
After all, he developed ties with you two.
See also: Is he a traitor? 10 Unmistakable Signs He’s Cheating On You!
He Says It Is Important For His Career.
Honor his perceptions and ask him to honor your relationship by limiting work-related friendships to a work environment.
This means no after-hours text messages, personal phone calls or conversations about relationship problems.
If after-hours meetings are part of the general work atmosphere, make it a point to meet him (along with his friend) occasionally.
This gives you the opportunity to allay your fears, talk about his career and the people who affect him, and provide the kind of friend support he will deeply appreciate.
He Says He Is Not Attracted To “That Way”.
This is a gray area.
While it may be true, there may (and probably is) attraction on her side.
Friendships of the opposite sex often have an underlying sexual tension, even if to a small degree, and over time, there may be opportunities to approach and reevaluate that level of attraction.
Appropriate limits may require the solution above – limits that ensure that you are included in his social circle.
He Says He Doesn’t Want To Ruin Their Friendship, That’s Why They Never Dated.
This is a big red flag that announces an emotional affair and an awareness that sexual tension is present.
It may or may not turn into a physical flirtation, but it is something that should not be ignored.
Finding appropriate boundaries can be difficult or impossible.
At the very least, make sure that everyone agrees to avoid encounters in situations that can be seen as a “meeting” by other people.
As stated above, your presence should be welcomed.
If your partner is resistant to the idea, you can make it clear that you just want to be with someone who prioritizes your relationship above you.
If you still don’t find inclusion or discover that your partner is sneaking around to maintain that friendship, you may be forced to end the relationship.
Sure, you can get into all the discussion and control things that come with pathological jealousy, but it will come to the same end – a destruction of trust and love that eventually destroys the relationship.
Gifts, Internal Jokes And You
When your partner and his friend have known each other for a long time, you can see things that are uncomfortable for you but that are healthy for your partner.
For example, a gift can be a way of saying “I thank you” to anyone – a friend, a child, a father or a loved one.
The inside jokes strengthen the bonds of friendship and love, but if you are the newcomer, you may feel left out.
Remember that your goal is to support your partner’s well-being.
If you feel uncomfortable, ask yourself if the gift in question is appropriate for a friendship or not.
A piece of lingerie would not be an appropriate birthday gift from your boyfriend’s friend, but a gift card for a spa is a common symbol of affection among friends.
When it comes to internal jokes, ask for an explanation.
When filling in you, they will be part of their circle.
If they reject you, watch out for the unspoken message that although you are there , they are not including you fully.
When these discomforts arise, talk to your partner in a non-confrontational way.
If they are good partners, they will look for the win-win solution mentioned earlier.
If he is not a great partner for you, he will reject your point of view and you will have to decide whether to accept his point of view, fight for control or leave the relationship.
This article is accurate and true to the best of the author’s knowledge.
The content is for informational or entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for personal or professional advice in business, finance , legal or technical matters.
Questions And Answers
- Question:
I am in a serious relationship.
My boyfriend wants to spend Christmas Eve with a friend and he won’t include me.
He says that “there is nothing to worry about” with this relationship, that they are “just friends”.
He doesn’t want to invite me, but he wants to spend Christmas Day with me.
He never gave me reason to believe that he betrayed me.
How to approach this in a healthy way without appearing possessive?
Answer:
The way to approach this in a healthy way, without appearing possessive, is to set some reasonable limits on the type of person you keep in your life.
“I will not accept having a boyfriend who excludes me from his relationships with the opposite sex under any conditions.
I’ll be there on Christmas Eve or spend Christmas alone.
What is going to be?”
You say he didn’t give you a reason to believe that he ever betrayed you.
I believe this is reason enough to believe that he is cheating on you.
At the very least, he is being loyal to that friendship, rather than showing loyalty to the relationship with you.
If you’re okay with a guy who doesn’t prioritize you, that’s acceptable, but for me, it certainly wouldn’t be!
