Divorce: the seven most common mistakes you make. In this article we see what to avoid to better face the end of a marriage.
When you get divorced, money isn’t the only problem, particularly if you are dealing with manipulative, violent but also simply not rational personalities.
Making the right decisions while staying clear is difficult even when divorcing a reasonable person. Many arrive at the end of a marriage so angry, nervous and anxious that they are unable to apply logical reasoning by reflecting on how to defend themselves and their children from an unequal agreement.
In the past, the most common emotions during a divorce were sadness and regret. Today the dominant emotion is anger: you are angry with your spouse, with your spouse’s parents, with your spouse’s new partner …
All this anger translates into words and deeds that make the divorce process more expensive, stressful, frustrating, long. In short, a real war.
But all of this can be avoided, even if you are dealing with a particularly intractable spouse. Here are the seven most common mistakes made during divorce. If you learn to control your emotions and avoid these mistakes, you will also be able to alleviate the pain and suffering of divorce.
Use your kids as pawns
The threat of refusing or limiting visits is very powerful, and can terrify a parent who loves his children. Often parents who look after children but are deprived of financial resources use this threat to obtain sufficient financial support.
As painful as these threats are, you don’t have to respond in the same tone. Instead, one must realize that the truth will come out. If one has behaved as responsible and affectionate parents, it is unlikely that the spouse will be able to refuse the possibility of seeing their children regularly. In any case, the judge could not allow it.
2. Prioritize dating a new partner rather than divorce issues
Not infrequently, the factor that complicates matters most during a divorce is digesting the presence of a new partner. The situation is already complicated in itself, and it is sufficient to say that you have embarked on a new relationship to send your spouse in a rage.
There are several reasons why a new relationship is declared as if it were a revenge, for example to show that someone still finds us attractive and that we have even found happiness. It is best to avoid dropping the conversation about new relationships with your spouse and especially with your children. The wisest decision is to wait for the divorce to end before embarking on a new relationship.
3. Verbal abuse
Anyone about to get divorced argues. However, not everyone exaggerates with continuous verbal battles, with the classic set of threats and vile accusations as daily communication methods. Receiving this kind of abuse is demoralizing, particularly if threats include the possibility of physical violence against you or your children.
You must consider any such threat with your lawyer, who will suggest the best way to manage them. Also, if you verbally abuse, you run the risk of serious legal consequences. Many think that such violence is perpetrated only by men, but it is not so. Violence has no sex.
4. Spread salt on the wounds
If your goal is to avoid court battles and the associated costs, then it is best to limit the charges personally. You need to consider your spouse’s weaknesses and avoid triggering them. The compromise is fundamental in the course of negotiation, and if you touch on subjects that can make your spouse stand up you go to war.
Your resentment towards your spouse doesn’t matter; there is no need to dig up the injuries suffered, they would only make things worse by leveraging the spouse’s weaknesses during the agreement. Always try to negotiate rather than fight.
5. Become passive
One should not become too submissive in the event of a divorce. Many people have manipulative personalities, and they could manipulate you to achieve results such as money, property or child custody.
When surprised or embittered, all spouse’s requests are often accepted. But passivity should not be confused with reasonableness. The shock of divorce wears out and makes you vulnerable.
6. Arguing about ownership
In most divorces where couples have been married for a long time, property disputes are frequent and sometimes such disputes are perfectly understandable. However, disputes can also be based on revenge and absolutely irrational.
This can be exhausting from an emotional (not to say financial) point of view, but it is useful to realize how these arguments are used by the spouse during the negotiation.
7. React angrily
The early stages of the divorce process can prove to be a period of great emotional stress in which people can say things they don’t think and behave in strange and unusual ways. Divorces “explode” on a legal level when one of the two parties responds to anger with even greater anger, creating an escalation of frictions that otherwise could have been limited to a brief skirmish.
It is therefore better to let some time pass before taking action. After the outburst, the spouse may calm down allowing you to move forward in the process in a more reasonable manner.