Psychologists call such people intimophobes. But don’t let this term mislead you – they are not afraid of intimacy (there are such weirdos, but they are few). They are afraid of something else – spiritual closeness, emotional dependence on a partner. By what signs can you identify an intimophobe?
Strokes to the portrait
- Such a person cannot stand invasion of personal space. The thought that someone will live with him (eat in his kitchen, wash in his bath, sleep in his bed, pester him with questions and requests) is unbearable for him.
- He avoids marriage by all means. And he would rather eat his passport in front of the registry office than go there as a newlywed. Although he may say in words that he wants a family.
- An intimophobe does not like heart-to-heart talks. This implies trust and openness, and he is afraid to open up.
- He doesn’t invest much in the relationship – neither financially, nor emotionally, nor physically. From his point of view, it’s pointless: today one chosen one, tomorrow – another, the day after tomorrow – a third…. So there will be no energy left for himself (or money).
- Having realized that the partner wants more from him, the intimophobe increases the distance or lets the “impudent” go. If he starts to get attached himself, he abruptly breaks off the connection. Serious romances are not in his plans.
Male / female
Until recently, it was believed that intimophobia is a purely male “gadget”. They say that if women are programmed for love, marriage and family joys, then many men do not need it for free. They are quite happy with light, fleeting romances and a complete lack of obligations: “You are fine, I am fine, why complicate things?” According to psychologists, there are not so few men who like to “not complicate things” – at least 30%. And recently, the ranks of intimophobes have increased even more. Women have also begun to actively join them. Instead of starting a family and having children, they also flit from partner to partner and live for their own pleasure.
From the outside, this looks like licentiousness and banal selfishness, but such behavior can also hide serious mental trauma.
Intimophobia usually comes from childhood, says psychologist Olga Prostatina. Perhaps the child’s mother behaved unpredictably – she was too harsh, or “suffocated” him with care and love. Or the father left the family, causing the child great pain. Childhood experiences could result in a fear of close relationships: in order to avoid further disappointment, a person tries not to become attached to anyone and not to depend on anyone.
Intimophobia often develops in infantile, socially immature individuals. They are afraid of responsibility – for another person, children, family as a whole, therefore they avoid serious relationships in every possible way.
But the question arises – what to do with all this? If you continue to run from love, you will have to meet old age alone.
If you are an intimophobe, you
Think about how you evaluate the current situation? Does it hurt you or are you happy with everything – fans, bright romances, the opportunity to live for yourself? If you are happy with it, you don’t have to change anything. And even if it doesn’t fit into the generally accepted framework, you have the right to act as you want.
It’s a different matter if you suffer from the absence of family and warmth: you dream of love, but you yourself destroy everything time after time. In this case, you need to contact a psychologist or psychotherapist. A specialist will help you understand and eliminate the cause of your fear. You are unlikely to cope with the problem on your own, because much is hidden in the subconscious.
If your partner is an intimophobe
You have probably told him more than once that there is nothing to be afraid of – you will not betray, will not abandon, will not hurt him. However, the more persistently you convince him to open up, the more he closes himself off: “Why is she behaving like this? It’s not without reason!” So ease up on the pressure. Don’t agitate for a bright life, don’t drag him to a psychologist by force – a person can only be helped if he wants it himself. You have two options.
The first is to accept your partner as he is, giving him maximum freedom. There is a small chance that over time he will begin to trust you. But for this you yourself need to be a bit of an intimacy phobe, content with “distance” relationships.
The second option is not to wait for the weather by the sea and leave. After all, fortunately, not all men are intimophobes. Most of them want the same thing as you – love, family warmth, spiritual closeness, and not one-time meetings “for health”.
