A review of the basic rules to develop efficient assertiveness when communicating.
Assertiveness does not consist of saying everything that comes to mind or, on the contrary, relegating everything to the fact of whether or not what we want to say may make our interlocutor uncomfortable. It consists, in any case, in a balance between these two poles: saying what must be communicated, and doing it in a respectful and empathetic way, trying not to generate unnecessary discomfort.
That is why the key concept when developing assertiveness is “efficiency”: we must make our most relevant ideas and opinions be transmitted, but without wasting time or resources in an uncontrolled manner or in a way that could lead to conflicts. avoidable. For this reason, in this article we will review the basic rules of efficient communication .
How to achieve efficient assertiveness when communicating with others?
Follow these tips so that assertiveness allows you to communicate fluently.
- Be clear about the ideas you want to communicate
One of the first rules that we must take into account to improve our assertiveness is to have clear in advance the ideas that we want to communicate in the conversation that we are going to have.
To achieve this end, we can write down in advance in a notebook or notebook the main ideas or concepts on which our speech will be developed and memorize or review them previously; although we should not pretend to memorize exact phrases, only the ideas to be expressed .
As experts in oratory know, the important thing to develop any speech is to have a clear outline of what we are going to say and how the key ideas of what we want to communicate to our interlocutor are going to be related.
- Do not criticize people but their actions
A characteristic sign of good assertiveness occurs in those people who, when criticizing, focus on the actions or arguments of the people in front of them and not on those people specifically .
Personally criticizing our interlocutor when we are in the middle of a conversation is a sign of low assertiveness and a lack of argumentative flexibility, so we must always remember to focus on the arguments and not on the people who make them.
- When criticizing, propose alternatives or solutions
Whenever you have the intention of criticizing an idea or approach, you must be able to propose an alternative or solution to those you are criticizing, because if you do not do so, your criticism may lose legitimacy.
Again, being able to propose other alternative arguments or different solutions to the same problem is one of the elemental signs of assertive people and an unequivocal sign of ability and flexibility in oratory and counter-argument, respecting those who think differently or who we consider to be different . they have made a mistake
- Set a deadline date and time to communicate what must be said
Assertiveness has to do with the resolution, the search for solutions and the communication of what we want to say at a given time and place.
That is why a useful rule that we can follow to be more assertive is to establish a deadline date and time to communicate anything we want to communicate to another person, agreeing on it and previously communicating it to said person or persons.
- Avoid lengthening
One of the keys to being assertive is to communicate a short, concise and direct speech , with which we attract the attention of our audience and is easy to follow by the people who listen to us.
Clarity is just as important, that is, saying things trying to make them understood and avoiding excessively complicated or far-fetched formulations or words.
- Restructure negative thoughts
Sometimes we can be approached by negative thoughts about ourselves or about our speech, harmful ideas that make us lose confidence in ourselves and in our approaches, ideas or arguments.
To overcome this type of thoughts we must learn to refute them through a rational analysis of them and convert them into more positive and adaptive thoughts that allow us to gain confidence in our abilities and motivate us to continue improving as assertive speakers.
- Keep calm
People with the highest level of assertiveness are those capable of communicating their speeches calmly and without losing control in the face of unforeseen events .
We can achieve a state of calm in many ways, the most common are to put into practice relaxation techniques such as meditation, Mindfulness, progressive muscle relaxation, yoga or conscious breathing techniques.
- Strengthen non-verbal language
Non-verbal language can be of great help to us to express everything we have to say and is a great tool to highlight the most important parts of our speech.
Putting good non-verbal language into practice consists of knowing how to look the interlocutor in the eye, maintain an attitude of listening and attention, stay relaxed with a correct and upright posture.
